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Maahv Z Apr 2016
I don't write
because I've to write
I write because writing comes to me
I have to write
because i know the language of writing
it comes like a thinking pattern
it compels me
it seduces me
in this bizarre wave
like a drunk
i have no sense to lose myself
So i write
this writing is addicted to me
like a moth attracted to light
I on other hand
avoid, neglect
like a cruel lover
invoking passions in many hearts
and i break them
thinking in minds, that i crush
it's like a disease
and this blank page
it haunts me
night and day
and i fill it up
sometime i burn
sometimes i throw it away
i never read
in a sheer angst
i write
without thinking
it's thinking of it's own
we can't remember
how it started
this great journey comes to me
like a meaningless quest
and sometimes
or most of the time
i think about it
and when I'm not
I surrender myself to these words
who seem to be my only friend
Maahv Z May 2015
dearer to me than my heart
dearer to me than my soul
and i bleed
I lose
with my heart and soul
Inflicting pain, sorrows
griefs -- endless remorse

Once my homeland was pure
it was freed from blood
******, insensitivity
once my homeland was free of evil inhabitants
sorrows multiplied a thousand fold
gathered in pain-inflicted tears
with lump in throats
distant from your presence
i cry-- for your loss

On the rooftops of tragedies, my heart sink more
like an orphan, an abandoned child
my homeland bleeds
i scream within
i feel the abandonment

dearer to me than my own voice
dearer to me than my own eyes
and i am silent
I am blind
losing my sight, losing my voice
as my voice can't reflect the pain i feel
my eyes can't cry any more
reflecting ocean of deprived

once my homeland was free of pain
people were safe
we running like rivers
do not say it
our country was a flesh in body
now it is a dead body amongst many flesh
forgotten the promises
forgotten the true colors
in the name of revenge, we humiliate humanity

my intention is not to write poems
in my soul, i embrace nights long
this land absorbed wounds, tears
blood, fights, and many martyrs
who are forgotten
my country is our hope
we are growing in broken shadows
this siege is waiting us to drown us
in the middle of lonesome warrior

nobody can feel in absence of love
who are incapable to feel
to take, to absorb
love require us to cry, to embrace
today our homeland is deprived
abandoned, bleeding

she is under siege
as we forgotten to love
we deprived her of her loyalty
we deprived her of her love
we deprived her of her true lovers

My homeland I feel your pain
in my heart I carry all with me
Maahv Z Aug 2020
Look up,
aren't we blessed
to witness the starry pattern ..
it echoes across
my thoughts
my writings
in
my
head ..
filling up this void
in its quite solitude..

let me be drunk
overflowing with starry, mid-night
magical night ..
who cares what goes around
the world !!
While,
I witness the marvels
my heart
my soul
in
my
dreams ..

I find you in the loneliness
of these words
amidst
dreaming
of starry nights ..
all over me !!

in a colourful
yet subtle silence.
Maahv Z Apr 2016
I am a narrative
of my own dictionary
there's nothing i need to keep it adorned
as i rarely see much of the world
other than nature
and the beautiful smile's
warm eyes
visionary minds
people don't fascinate me
shallowness
hollow mind's with greed to overcome
i let it be..
i'm not competing
to the world

it doesn't subtract me from my living
nor does it take me to its world
as i use my own words
undefined
careless and without of matter..

there's no subjection
or objection
i'm my own subject
there are dreams
I allow myself to be me
as i move here to there
one moment to other moments
i'm complete in this existence
i use words to rewrite me
when i'm removed by people
their thoughts, their wantings..

I choose not to be
as i read my own mind
I know i'm a quiet being
with no specific need.
Maahv Z Sep 2018
Enclosed in this body
I find myself terribly alone
people who are supposed to be mine; I don't understand their customs even though we share same language
how can we share same culture, bonding, skin colour and religion?
I find this bizarre- strange, and defying
though I did not want; I am forced to hear the stories
participate in this wildness of rituals, judgemental games
these rituals, maddening remarks and cultural scores
majorly- religious obsession; I find this bizarre, fanatic, humiliating
I, just feel, absurdly, obscurely and intensely alone
officially, I resigned from feeling too human.
Maahv Z Nov 2014
people keep telling me
not to be like this
the way i am
don't do this
dont do that
you know nothing
its said don't hurt
because see 'hurt' is bad
and bad is bad
how can you convert it into good
or welfare
no matter what you do
and how
people will still be rude
acheful
and deceitful
its not in my mind
to see what they see
they say you know nothing
accept other people's view
to understand them
even if they are outdated
kindless, rigid, heartless
we are asked to realize
especially if it hurts
so what if you are hurt
i am asked
to re-evaluate myself
x-ray and realize
'i am wrong'
they are all right
see..they hide well
i am asked to conceal as well
but see
i can't
i suffer because of this
of my sheer plainness
of my brutality
of my severity
just to be a real
in a world where everybody
does nothing
other than hurt'
yet again
i am asked 'don't think, don't feel'
'you are good'
not knowing it's my heart
that get hurts in the end
Maahv Z Nov 2014
I am not of you nor of they, my heart is beyond of any state to speak
thousand and thousands, you may throw me at waste, for you can not touch my soul
The line is beyond of you to hear it, I am too forgetful for all you
Singing of love has created tumult among the wise, for I am too deaf
What more, of you may speak of me while the dust is my shell ?
my eyes are lowered, yet tears rolls; my speeches have gone quiet, yet my mouth is open
Is there a way out, o the knower ! I am sitting with my drunk heart, broken spirit
I was the bad one amongst the company of nobles, for I am too narrow to be noble
O, the knower, I wish neither to be noble nor intellectual, for I've seen the true of worldly faces
Make me not amongst them, any more nor make me see any of them
my heart lyrics a bonding for you, let me abandon the ways that lead to self-conceit and timidity
How can a fish see the marvels up there in a space? How a mouth can speak wonders of your love?
I am too small, my love; for your ways of love are higher than skies, deeper than an ocean's depth
Even the purest of soul can not narrate the feeling; It's beyond of any reasons
I wish for nothing, for no one; for I am too drunk in ways of seeing my own heart !
Maahv Z Jan 2015
at the end
we all have to get back
where we belong
our origins, our belongings
our sadness
our metaphors
our collective joys
despite who we become
how do we chose our path
or who we live with
we all get back to our shells
our homes
it is where we feel we are eternally bonded
halfheartedly or fully present
it matters nothing
where you go
how you love
our withered bones, our sulkied skin
we are going down there
with our souls farther from us
and bodies frozen with time
it won't matter who gave us too much pain
or whether they understood
us; or cared enough for our sorrows
even if they were scornful
it wont matter
as if it's going somewhere else
touching upon each bit of your skin
soul, heart and mind
despite with time
it will fade away
even if how tearful your heart might be
or how much you went through
in such miserable times
this too shall not matter
as nothing came with us
nothing will go with us
all our heartbreaks, all our sadness
our deep aching of soul
our craving or longing of souls
mind's thirst to embrace the mindful thoughts
we are all at the end
going back
going on and back
like a circle
even this it feels
like a syntax of randomness
but it isn't really so
as it is what we really have
in the end
how we made it through
how we chose to love
and live
amidst all the odds; all the flaws
all the imperfections
and with all our sadness, sorrows
griefs--how we embraced
ourselves
when nobody else did.
Maahv Z Mar 2018
where should i go
i am just an immigrant
like a bird
hugging the air

i am withered away
in this stormy weather
where none exists

bird of my soul writhes
but its unable to find its path
am i lost?
Or i am unable to see any face

tell me, my friend
where should i go?
just show me the path of love
and let me be your follower

i stay in one moment
and fly away in next..
where do i belong?
have i asked for too much
or i am intoxicated of you leaving me

listen to my call
i am here only for a short visit
what false could i do to you?
my destiny is beyond the borders
this path, that i am walking
does it take me to heaven
or i am too pretentious?

since this strange love keeps us accompanied
i have become a stranger to my own love
or these moment of loneliness have overwhelmed me

where should i go?
am i destined to reach to my path
or this path will keep on playing hide and seek
tell me, what traits do i possess?
have i been too much of a rebel?
since the time i met you
i have desolated my own
and became a caravan of lost

why do i still look for excuses to love, yet again
even though, i deny all the excuses
and this madness keeps me in company
asking me
where should i go, again?
but my mind tells me
to stop denying facets of love
and finally admit
the shortcomings of my understanding..

this peace has desolated from your heart
and there's no way going back.

tell me, my friend
what should i do?
where do i go?
Maahv Z Feb 2020
Dawn arrives
it has three rows
an enormous life
with intense struggle
carrying a paperweight

It feels, life like a surrealist dream
An artists masterpiece
hoping to find meaning
demeaning every single day--am i caught up yet again

a hurricane of strong winds
water splashing everywhere
no one receives hope
dawn arrives--we all leave and groan
parading into this abyss of living
searching between somewhere being alive and abandoned passions

hope; an impossible metaphor
just like these words
counting on some motivation
a furious lost coin--an engraved fury

dawn arrives--and these angels abandoned us
here in Cardiff--it groans like a mad uproar
the light is buried under our eyes and skin
hush of these deafening challenges
a staggering crowd in my head
those who go out of their skin
are the real ones/ achievers?
mired in symbols and in fruitless heart's labor.

dawn arrives
it bites the men--who thinks
there is no paradise
love that spurs out of our lives
dies in casual moments
and yet, this will continue
again and so on
and on.
Maahv Z Dec 2016
I
do you think you can sleep?
when you see a girl, a little girl
being bombed in her own house
losing her toys
her beloved brother
wake me up
when the war ends
and the suffering go away
I was told, I am too sensitive
you make it too personal
I don't know how does it feel?
What does it look like exactly?
I plagiarize the thoughts, of people being silent
I listen to their thoughts
and heart,
flooded with heaviness
just like how it is mine, sometimes
or should I say most of the times
I'm sick of news
I am sick of the content media plays
again and again
of the pictures, showing young kids losing their lives
even if that little girl sleep
do you think she'll be able to sleep well?
Or will she dream?
our reflection is not shown in the mirror
like that little girl
I can’t dream
nor can i can sleep well
it is true, indeed


II
tell me, when the war ends
or tell me it has
I don't like prosing
but the grief asked me, to write more
even when I know
it makes no difference, as yet
it only makes me more sad
to see my emotions
floating just like a rhythm
it's been a while since I stopped writing
I stopped writing poems
I write in a language which people don't understand
all they say, 'i am too sensitive'
I need 'therapy', i should have come with 'an instruction pamphlet'
to deal with me
as they say, its not easy being with me
so there it is, they left, just like that
without any explanation, without any consolation
but I can't care more of this
since its difficult

III
truth is harder to tell
every year, there's more to lose
and more to let go.
yet, I write
I am compelled to
even though, nobody wants to hear you out
the anguish inside
crackling inside your bones
some days my heart beats very fast
and I can hear it
even then I stay helpless
at the mercy of the people losing so much of themselves
yet, nobody does anything
including myself
it’s a consolation reward
for being a human
in a world
where sympathy is ‘weakness’
this wasn’t me
this isn’t me, I grew up
more and more compassionate
feeling too much, thinking too much.
I cry as often, as most people
would even think of anything
of all the love, and the care
this static visions and imaginary world
hard to watch, the scars and wounds
with so much broken, wretched life’s
and the lies that establishments make
should I stop trusting people
yet I don’t
and I realize
I’m just so full of *******
since the body, I’m in
feels too much
even I’m not directly involved
I can bury my past and I have
to all the people
who didn’t want me to be in their life
as I quietly left

IV
It takes courage to tremble
and be weak
I left the therapy
and the needing thing
all I understand
how not be in a world of ‘how to be
breaking hearts or law
or the promises
they're all same, equally worse
we have to create our own destiny
its louder than war
or violence
and I know, I will
just like that
with each time I feel my heart sinking
I get motivation
to stand up for all the people who can’t
to be a voice of all the million people who can’t speak
even if I feel far away,
know, I am not gone
I am just tired of the feelings that I feel
and it’s the very thing
you will remember me of
this kindness and genuineness
it will be a symbol of my life
maybe, I will sleep well then
or so does that little girl
spreading love and hope
kind of life we led
and not intending to stay back here
where it just feels too much.
Maahv Z May 2015
i don't do poetry
because i want to look intellectual
well-read
intelligent, thoughtful
or impress
people by my words
or take anyone's attention
i do poetry
because i am often alone
left alone
all and out
on my own
to submerse within my own
i crave for existences
no one appears
all stay distant
like a thoughtful absence
i have no harm
confessing in need
words are too deaf to make any sound
other too busy listening to
other songs
of other people
they must be harmonious
cheerful and dedicated
mines too glum
too sad
as i refused to give up
nor to be brainstormed
i go on my own
so i live like this
yet poetry comes to me
like a bereaved friend
it's with me when i sleep
it's there when i laugh
even though
i try to avoid of it's comings and goings
poetry's intensity sits in my heart
like a fog in early morning
but i am not sure
what to do with it
how to keep it
will this stay like an adjourned bond
poetry exists through me
like a thread in fabric
cutting every little piece within me
and i hear
'what a thoughtful presence'
Maahv Z Jun 2020
This rain makes my heart ponder
I, once again, fall in love
with rain--as it drops
and the sounds of her whispers
splashing everywhere
it makes me less alone
falling apart
tear
by
tear
pouring all over my skin.
drenched
yet warm in its all sheer presence
Rain--recognise my presence, after all!

What a joy, this--nature find me
in a mid of June
While nights are long and drunk
without a shadow
of any existence..

I, once again, fall in love
with nature--it's absolute completeness
it makes me feel i am not alone
anymore..
not the only one shattered
scattered everywhere
with all its shattered pieces
of pride and hope.
Rain makes me feel good

holding my hands
carrying
my weight
whispering softly
like a mystery
to never stop believing.
Maahv Z Nov 2014
i see it all the time
i don't show
Maahv Z Jun 2016
about ten thousand images
i whirled
like a madman
and here, i am
crying with my lost soul
knowing not--whats the real and false of me
i know not
of any whereabouts of my dwelling
and of my mind
about ages and craving of heart's despair
i longed for images
that locked my heart for ages
and like a ruthless spirit
my mind seeks you
imagining it's the heave it sought
in a moment of pure complex
and divinity
i looked for you
not knowing its my heart
where you lived--
like a real inhibitor

and about here and there
i went
my mind found peace nowhere
but at remembrance of yours
in each bits
i drew circle and circles
without knowing
i'm the one revolving around these
without you being there.
Maahv Z Aug 2017
I used to advertise, my loyalty
my tenderness--that knew nothing but you--your scent
how beautiful when I held you
my face is still fresh with infinite kisses
our love is incredible, I used to think
till infidelity came in between--your promises
your sweetness, all went like a sun amidst dark clouds
I promise myself--I'd move on
and I did..yet, ordinary things remind me of you
beautiful smiles; casual ways
nothing more to say; just life alone
reminds me of your deep presence
dwelling in me
I had drown myself; in dustiness of life
but I am afraid
my heart became a place ---
chosen for betrayal
No more, i display myself
for 'loyalty' .
not comforting myself with any lies, having no real desire to continue
but i continue, to be, and live
against odds--betraying, every second minute
I'd wanted to let go;
but life, made me cruel.
Maahv Z Oct 2018
I have found myself longing
and in bad times I feel
I am losing it away
there are no secrets I need to find more
in all good times- I still find myself
upside and down
this heart has its all seasons
but mostly, it's winters- harsh, long and chilling

when I write, I don't need to feel to connect the dots
all my loving leads me towards sour
and this aching soul
I sought myself too deep in invisible world inside
when I could've absorbed myself into commonly grounds
buried in my soul- those carefree moments
I doubted myself too much- tested by life's constant arrows
and people's altering behaviour
am I happy to be just myself?

I am the lover in a day light, I am the lover in a night
I am the lover in a morning, I am the lover in a starry cold night
I must have broke my heart when I let you go
I am hurt by loving; and achieving naught
will I be remembered much? I am alone in my own-shelter

from beginning till the time, i find a light that sparkles too much
when the sun goes up, I always tell myself
I will go up, with this divine spark that has kept me on my feet
the world's going to remember my face; my life; my love
it hurts, sometimes- too much; i will be remembered even when I am perished
words have gone away from me- I have stopped breathing them
I never thought I will be distracted
but here I am- trying to save myself
I am drowning - in my own chilly breeze
battling these battles, within me
trying to figure out what's the best that could keep me
what can really occupy me to my utmost use?

I am the lover that burns the light inside
I am the lover that shines the world outside
I am the lover that heals wounded souls
I am the lover that give hope to losing humanity

willing to forgo meaningless worldly mires
making attempts to rescue
I was left behind
when I needed to be rescued..
fighting these battles, gradually obtaining more light
encompassing more love
to re-shape myself
completely.
Maahv Z Nov 2014
Setting out in my destiny
To revisit me in my hopes
Seek out where I began
In empty lanes

How strange a life is
With madness of its own
Set my heart on my head
Hoping to hold me

Raising towards a road
Where ghosts of faces will merge
Left behind horrors of my lost
Mentioning me of my burnt up care

Happed without any hint
Leaned towards me
To guide me through with a torch of presence
Pledging it never will forlorn

Until a flesh appeared in hallucination
Where everything dissolved
Desiring me to desire my left over
For I was the mean to myself alone

While reason collided with my heart
I affectionately held it in my arms
Everything ceased to be
Here, I embraced myself with my union

And I called upon me
To rival my own worst pieces
Since every other halted
I witness myself in my rivalry

Recollecting bits and pieces
Unity, bond, affiliation
Reconciliation with my negated stay
Said my soul and my name; and I listened

All of me was freed
Within freedom persisted my essence
Longing to be held
While everything deserted

I answered the questions
By lifting veils-To set apart my bitterness
Screening it with my soul, my heart
I heard voices of my attributes that I long forgotten  

With my beaming eyes
From mirror of my existence
I encircled myself
In all directions by the wisdom of mysterious
Maahv Z Nov 2014
the world is too full of people
a lot of practises, norms, traditions
something i can't get along
i have had it in me
languages, oceans, love, seasons
unfed, uncultured
i refuse to open up
to the danger living out there
it might swallow it up
i went away...i subtracted
from all the additions
and madness, jury's, promises
vows, linkages
this silence that i possess is worth a language
of speeches, made up by words
so carefully sewed by grammer, adjectives and nouns
a beautiful place - trees
love, nature, mountains ..child's careless laughter
open yet so concealed
souls sees it - dances it with the sensations
coming out ..like a sun amidst dark clouds
i stay like i care least
shrugging off everything ..and everyone
not of that, not of this
in my heart..i contain all
feeling of beauty ..feltful sadness
converted into deep joys
rivers, cold glaciers into melting snow .
there is much that can be spoken about
it's only..silences in me
take me along..much more
than language with such torn up words
Maahv Z Aug 2017
I am happy to have you
let me inform- i don't feel love
i don't care love - i don't think love
it has no meaning for me
I can solve puzzles, and jigsaw's, equations
this- i cannot solve- despite my all mind
and heart; no capable
I will meet- once i am done
till, i wonder from here and there- with your sound and face
Maahv Z Mar 2017
for a time
and for a night
i felt these moving senses
everywhere, all over
thunders, roars of storms
anger, craving and sadness
its not a shared happiness
but a hideous bottle of despairs
insecurities, and human madness.
for a long time
bitterness stayed in
just around the corner
and at the edge of world
Like at tip of these fingertips
i sensed this quiet substance
as i began to fathom
the limitless of a human mind
consciousness of a lifeless vision
i starved within this body
to capture the sounds of knowledge
That comes with an instinctive awareness
as we become aware of this void
there is no end
as i see
there was nothing to say
only the haunting images
and words that destroy the perfect picture
beyond the spaces of our time
there exists the infinity of our existence
but to all this
i did not say much
but felt the human-shaped emptiness
that had been carved in me
Maahv Z Dec 2016
Gabriel asked the Prophet
'read', prophet who God crowned with a prophethood
of being last
replied 'I cannot read'
Prophet wrapped himself with a warm blanket
Khadija the prophet's true love said
You are God's chosen one
since you are all sincere, honest
and never do wrong to His people.

this, what is wrong with today's people
never seeking to learn
or read
knowing they know everything.
so they can **** anyone
in the name of God
they **** innocent people
and yet, the response is
'we **** infidel's
who are the infidels?
You and i are not God
It is for the God to decide
who's the most kind of all

The Sunni Muslims have a story to tell they're better than shia Muslims
and shia' have defensive tale to say, 'they are less honored one'
it's all politicized matters
not the religion
the crusades of islam is not about religion
but the gaining of power
who's going to lead after the Prophet's  death?

even the prophet himself narrated 'he's mere human being
who God blessed with might

God says, love thee people
as I love you the best
I'm closest to you, even more closer to your own heartbeat
no other will love you, as i how love you

I felt the longingness
this hunger, and the strike to do well in life
even though, i no longer am with people
who i thought to be my people
it feels so odd and out of place
most of the time
since i can't begin to tell
how truly i feel

i learned to unlearn
my roots, and inheritance
how hard it is, to defy
what you knew for your entire life

I learned to be with people, without needing them
and saying, 'goodbye's, when I didn't want to
since nothing is real
nobody is here for real
only the matters, and interactions with each other
will define
the true identities of us

it doesn't hold true to people, who share Islamic faith
but, the Christianity, Hinduism, or Judaism
or another religion
in any other region of the world

As of my utterance, i don't trust people with establishments
and people, running the show

In Pakistan, the land where i was born
nobody cares for anyone, whether they leave
or stay
even if somebody dies
people stay inhumane, insensitive about most of the things
but the focus is too much on religion
even the moral conduct
is not so right

At the edge of my state, when i utter this i feel erked
and awkward
low in spirits or perhaps
i don't feel anything, at all.

When the Abraham was asked to 'sacrifice'
his beloved son, 'Ismail'
he without defying
obliged to Gods will
God, in his dutiful obedience
replace Ismail with a lamb
to fulfill the traditions, Muslims each year
follow the Abrahams traditions
when people slaughter million of animals
in name of God which has merely became a mockery
of 'sacrifice'

The day i left my house, i felt truly abandon
and so, the time when i left my friend's house
who i visited only before leaving
I thought to myself, this will never be filled
and it didn't
even after many years afterward
I stand in my nomadic spirit
without owning anything
or have anything in mind, to occupy anything

This world, as i see
is a mere transition period
where we meet people
of all race, and kinds
from all regions , and faith
but it doesn't give us any upper or lower hand
to justify anything, whatever we feel
or think.

As it is not for me to decide
or others to judge,
by other people's religion, or region
color, race, kind

There is no place in Quran that says, hate people
from other religion
nor it says, to defend your faith
when people attack you.
The rising Islamphobia and hatred
for the muslims,
in response, all the muslims could say,
'Islam is a religion of peace'
a defensive approach, again and again
not wiling to understand
it's not for you to defend your religion
your faith doesn't need you, it's you, who needs it
for your own purity, to perserve the innocence
and the feeling for others
when others fail to do

God says, 'Surely there are signs in this
for those of you who would reflect'
to me, its a comforting zone
I derive my pleasure in this
but there are so many people out there, interpreting the verses
in their own perspectives.

Upon the reasons, i feel it's necessary to challenge yourself
your mind, your readings
learnings
inheritances
wisdom and all the knowledge you acquired over the years

we don't acquire knowledge in order to boost
but to be better,
and to understand the reasons

I was named by the 'Moons light, that means moonlight which is poetic
and referred as 'beautiful'
I am not sure who named me, as i remember my childhood
a very quiet, deserted and lonely one
it wasn't tragic but disturbed


I have erased my memory and the corners of heart, that used to feel mighty heavy
for so many things
the betrayals, insincere
and lack of resistance shown by people
i left everything behind me

When Ishaq's sons took Yusuf
he cried most of his times, till the point
he lost his sight which he regained by seeing Yusuf's
he was betrayed by his own brothers
only to gain their father's attention
they tricked Yusuf
which he survived regardless

the betrayals are hard to forgive or even remove
and the cultural hindrances, resistant obstacles

it's been a while since i felt home
anywhere
and even when I'm home
i feel the distant memory of my own self
which was innocent

I'm Mahwish, and it means 'beautiful like moonlight
my life will reflect the meaning of my name, someday
and till then
I continue to live.
Maahv Z Nov 2014
I ponder
you all make fun of it
I am pondering ..
i get back to non-pondering state
in my the most pondered mind
Maahv Z Feb 2018
flowers continue to blossom
people continue to meet
and air continue to blow
but my heart--my loved one
has stopped
you hear my heart--from a far away land
telling you
it has stopped beating
as if, it's absent
as if, it doesn't recognize any face

all other things that are filled with soul
i am, the only one, without a soul
all other continue to be happy
i am, the only one, who is without happiness
every other has a person
and yet, i am the only one, who's without a one.
they all have homes,
they all have something to hold on to
yet, i am the only one, who's without a one.

you hear my voice, you see my smiles
knowing, there is nothing beneath those
its like a night, without starts

everything blossoms
and it all goes dead..
i sing myself to these words
since, i know, the handful time i have
that will make you remember me..
of this heart..
that stopped before its time..

silence, is encompassing me
with all its stillness and remote
continuing to mourn over my halt soul
where do i find you,  what do i have ?
with each passing day,
this air, smiling at it's stillness
letting autumn fall over
and this heart, doesn't remember anything
nor does anyone remember it.
since there is no one who can hold me
to my peace
Maahv Z Dec 2017
my dear, wasn't just the metaphor
it meant, every singly word of it
with all my heart
even though i had nothing to give
my soul was burnt up with agony
but i stood up.
lived up to what you wanted.

i let myself be easily fooled
by your stories, and your marvels
till to the point, i am left with my remains
what do you want to do with my remains?
do you relish to devour of my remains now?
doesn't it satisfy you enough,
how i do satisfy you more?
I never will be able to guess
of your little stories..
my little one..were just not words to me
i felt it with all my soul..
yet it aggrieve me to think how you burnt me up
in my own little world
leaving me no way out..
even though, i so want to escape
to my sad, i have no way out..
yet,
you want to see me,
to see how i behave
even when i am left with nothingness
falsely, this love--that you think it was..
killed my heart
and i am no one
but another story of your marvel
your truly false story that played on me.
Maahv Z Dec 2016
strange it is
to know
how strange people are
perhaps
I am one of them
as the music plays
my mind refuse to work
i miss our dance together
and that grin
on your face
that lit in your eyes, when you saw me
have i mentioned, my own strangeness
as the time pass by
i wait patiently, of my guilty pleasures
an empty bed, staring the screen
the sun sets, quickly
with all its good and gone
tomorrow will be another day
winter is chillier and cold
from distant, it looks like a romantic union
but to who, one might say
this setting has made me look more hollow
and like a thunder, i feel lightning in my soul
piercing in me like a needle
neither do i know what to do
nor do i care much
as it had to be like this
like a careless motion
a demon, that i so lovingly possess
Maahv Z Nov 2014
It got no meaning while you all say
Forget it – this matters nothing
My dab brain never understood
The logics- or the passions
I couldn't submersed with your identities
Or ideologies  here it is despite all the banishing
Have you long gone missing elsewhere?
Just our caramels and sweetness – or the madness
I couldn't care about it; I couldn't mend anything
While for all the mistakes
And all the words..It all consumed my thoughtfulness
Nor longing to express- any wildest idea
Or fancy thoughts ..i deem to be a mad one
in somewhere else; whom you could not wish to be with
Now all your bones crackle up inside
Breaking up- decaying minute by minute
I'm set off on roads again – not desiring to be known
Had to desire too much of my desires!
We ain't know what is all about- and your creepiness
There was a moment- some hid moments
Where I ought to be good..you got me
You get me going with nowhere..and I sent my hopes to wondering winds
Swirling around like myself
Where they all existed once …letting go became too common
It cease to occur who were they; in real
And the reality got polluted forever !
Maahv Z May 2015
it all began with genius
of head and heart
without any senses
where thoughts did not match
with those existences
and minds went to wonder
fitful and cruel with all its speed..
where nothing floats
and warmth of seasons
of bitter love..
my heart spell profoundly for you
as if it didn't circulate before
there is an ache
it feels no pain still
such a love it is
and i am known to be careless
directionless
time exit when you exist around me
wondering will i be able to live?
and i summon up
all my hopes; and my love
pitiless and highly drenched
my sorrows
parched with your memories
words, senses and madness of deep lyrical love
and i stare
senselessly, waiting
in this darkness of love
and of my soul
you become an image
whom i once held precious
time prove again
of my delusional heart-- and that love!
wistfully i think
of all the passages that could halt
this love!
its distressing to know
the times cruelty
we loved without any mercy
it carried the worst madness
of this time; and of my love!
Maahv Z Dec 2016
I don't care much
would you mind
giving me your number
You look fab, tonight.
of which, I go
as I dance
in a midnight shadow
and this lurking image on me
the curse begin
of the pain, i felt
and the bitterness

i don't care much
disowning everything you ever knew
is of mighty courage
as i remove myself from all the subjects i ever read
subtracting to all the inheritances
of shallow practices and gaining attentions
with bleak sincerity

would you spend time with me
you are beautiful, lovely lady
these words, it doesn't reach to my ear
nor to my heart
I don't know why people fall in love
with a hollow shadow
or maybe they find solace
in not being noticed
in these naked nights
i sleep all my time
keeping myself too busy
to think much
as i don't care much
Maahv Z May 2015
why do we love
why do we care
does that really mean anything
time never halts
nor the movements
yet we stop ourselves
from life
and of nature
do we really mean when we leave?
how do we love so much
that even after years, it never fade away
yet we hold onto our dreams
and our bitter realities
little do we speak of our dark souls
those sour memories
and our forgotten faces
we move on
with bits and pieces
do we really move on without any care?
and think; we cease to care
even when all we did is to hold and cry
for our love!
do we really mean anything?
yet we all read; and we all become writers
in our lost of our love
and sadness!
Maahv Z 6d
my heart
comes in a shape of a box
as if
it's ready to encompass
all the
emotions in the world
besides for
my own

and for a moment
my heart seeks
all the unlived moments
of joys & love

love-- is this a word
or a feeling
this strange box
never kept it
for her own wrap ..

I see the sadness of
a moon
shining tall
amidst the darkness of night
distributing
secretly
her sorrows
wrapped in a gold-paper proudly
to her favorite boxes

oh, this strange feeling box..
such strange mystery

a flawless performance
of this timeless soundtrack
where my strange box
outshines
her own beauty

spent in solitude
with endless smoke & intoxication
to deny these sorrows

& almost
to defy all the moments
where love could be collected
for dark, cold moments

strange box --- encompasses all love
but not for herself ..

is it a dream
or just a reflection of a moon
in a river

for others to say 'how beautiful '
only to know
it's a gift wrapped
in a gold paper

proudly stating
'Timeless sorrows'

oh, this moon is incredibly proud
so are these boxes
keeping all the strangeness of this world ..
almost unspeakable to most!
Maahv Z Aug 2017
I left home when i was still young, and free
it didn't feel anything ever since
i hear stories of my homeland--of her occupants
the journey hasn't been easy
'home'--i felt, is void
it's at a different level; under new lights and dimensions
everything else migrate too, whales, fishes and all these beautiful creatures
but 'always together'
unlike them--i migrated alone,
mankind can't be together, too much divisions
too many things to separate from each of us; boundaries
communities, religion, region
language and culture
each thinking 'better than others'
'us vs them' thoughts that killed million
but i migrated..alone
thinking it's safe place--'earth'.
it is, in my mind..
yet i keep thinking
what am i supposed to do?
Where am I?
This old stubborn anxiety, of self-doubts paves a way in me
i see all passions, and dreams branching out of me
like a leaf from trees,
constantly tested by its fear..
my heart, but, resembles like a weak, trembling thing
that knows no way, to give up
which will define a new route for my life.
Maahv Z Oct 2015
every moment he was my child
it seemed he left me for another woman
those women; he complained were his companions
he felt solidarity
and that night---i lose myself of me
once more
he belonged to none, but myself
i wish i could paint him
there're no colors; i find solace
the tangible form and intangible idea's
i draw images in my mind with him being together
where no other women existed
and all this madness
i inherited in loving him too much
bit of anguish, a bit of longingness
and still craving for his touch ..
yet i wouldn't speak of this love
or sleep or hear
i know in your silences; i lost myself
with all the beatings of your heart
i possessed all the grace, and your light
occasionally i set myself apart from you
but i lost myself, to another woman
and each of your women, i lost every more of myself
it wasn't the greatest of the sadness
till i know
there is no love force in me
and in this confusion, you went away
to another woman, and to your women
all over you..
i would write you , in my each of letters
and in my alphabets and syntax of broken language
but i lose the power to write
to the force, i feel inward
and with every little of myself
i lose myself more of me,
and little by little,
i crave for you more
and i think of you in grandeur of this world
in hustle bustle of love
i think more of my great love
As i realize, the loneliness
is my greatest companion
and i'm the one, who belongs to loneliness
ahh, you shouldn't have let me go
this loneliness has gone over me
and yet, your women wouldn't leave you
making me see the loss of myself
every little while
this silence remind me of my greatest love
it reminds me of our possessed share
where there was everything but loyalty
in veiled colors
it seems i can't get over the days
of you being together with me
but your women came along
you felt consoled and you felt at ease
giving yourself to them
while keeping me in heart, you gained those women's attention
everything so untouched, and so distant
i feel my love more moving
close, and intense
your gazing is still over me
and i wish i could touch the sun
and sky, and stars
my heart, perhaps would feel at ease
perhaps i could adopt them
as my child ....as you were my own,
a piece drawn from me
but you were, another women's
those women were your face, your mind
and your life
but your heart...i touch your heart
even i feel this great warmth in me
moving for you, craving for you
i wouldn't still be your woman
and in him,
i felt a sharp pain of being a woman
Maahv Z Oct 2016
I feel trouble in my heart
trouble in my mind
tell me, 'what to do'
I'm expecting to see him
once more
tell me, how do i avoid myself
these demons; who do i confide in
Am i killing myself?
these words keep coming to me
side by side, even the friends don't turn up
as much as they do
but i don't know
there's a trouble in my heart
it's worrisome
some men don't think that way
they don't bother
I'm drown in my sorrows
and i know not to swim
i drink away all my thoughts
like a madman
the nights went into days and days turn into nights
in an abyss of my restless souls
of him, keeping in my mind
the sleepy boy, his fearless body
that ties me to him
how do i explain
what do i feel for him?
i carried him, in all these years
like an ache
There's a trouble in my heart
trouble in my mind
I find solace nowhere
i'm my own's foe
who should be feared
I wish i was immune
to myself, to my demons
to this great love
I feel
tell me, my friend
how do i beat this spirit in me?
I feel trouble in my heart..
and nights went into pure chaos
like a rhytm
i fell in it
like a profound agony.
Maahv Z Jan 2021
paint it blue
or paint me, black
have i lost my mind.

this circus,
family, friends ..
have they ****** it, entirely.

is it a waking dream
or am i, just another passing time

home, solitary
constant phone ringing
children screaming---a long list of things
to get..

an exile,
that never seem to end ..

countless drama's
i couldn't escape
my mind--being the best of me
& worst, left me
most of miserable..

no boundary, no limits
shamelessness; on top of all agenda's
an infected virus-- a shame
on humanity!

people i lost
relations i don't have
not a single tear

my mind is dense with thousand
of thoughts
my mouth; however
mute, as sunshine ..

is it just the lock-down
or the life, i have ..
the hypocrisy-- a venom
that
people seem to own it ..

a journey i am on
been a long
slow and solitary.
Maahv Z Sep 2018
I am sick of trying
why could you not love me back?
why could not love me at all?
Said, tomorrow will be brighter day-
what hath stop us?
And now, you wouldn't even want to see me?
I am sick of trying
of these little games- of our love whispering
oh darling, I told myself- it'll be all fine.
I'd broke my heart, why did I imagine you to be my own?
why did I think that you could hold me, a little- if not for too long?
turns out- it was not you; just you never felt
besides, you are going away
but will you think of me, at all?
in some of your nights, or in some of your casual moments?
I suggested; an alternative- but this didn't suit you either.
while I wanted to ask- why couldn't you love me, a little?
says a little voice to me - that I can't -- since, it's all vanished.
looks like, it never happened- nothing ever really mattered.
while I write this, with your image in my head
my mind asks me million questions; why did I fell for you?
to myself- I am like a prisoner; of my behaviour- not loving those who love me dearly; falling for those who can't love me back?
have I not been loved enough?
oh darling- this is a nutshell of my heart
so wild, so carefree - it fell for you, unknowingly- and here I am;
writing; with bitterness and meloncholy- so sick of trying, and losing.
Maahv Z Nov 2014
So i don't talk to you anymore
i am my own; for myself
and if i, by any chance, wish to speak
i will let my words go in slain; by choice  
and turn to you, no further
today, my destiny singing song of forlorn
i shall keep my head up
and may sing, happy songs
with nightingales of hope, and birds of joy  
i will be my own shelter
I will keep life alive !
And on and on and on, i will dwell
like a wise person-
and by my own desire,
i will have no desire to be, anymore
this is the courage of my own freedom- i take pride in my blood
i dance in ecstasy of being alive to the moment
i swim in passions of my heart's beautiful existence
towards a sweet destiny i will go
the beloved is most beautiful to the beholder
and man sits, like a sadist; regretting of his idle dreams
i am angered to see such a waste of life; such purities went in vain
yet indifference cannot be met with bowls of honest
so i shall go on and on, not to be stopped
every tone of this world makes me a dreamer
that language is neither understood nor felt
it's a world of deaf, with mute voices- my silence be of significance than empty words
and i continue to exist, for myself, by myself- in bowls of these ecstatic sweetness !
Maahv Z Nov 2017
I have felt the pain
growing in my soul
like a bursting volcano
i wonder if i can hide it
in my smiles
in my casualness-- my crippled inside
why do i need people?
why do i need to reconcile
when i have my heart
that's so much more than anyone
it has capacity to take
to get broken, to sync all the sufferings
why do i care so much?
when i barely receive any?
this pain is unbearable
it took me to contact those who i didn't want to
but i did..
out of my hearts massive heartache
out of my breath's incapacity to breath
wonder, why do i feel?
i am so incapable of feeling anymore
yet,
here i am,
with my crippled soul, waiting to be heard
waiting to be wrapped in her warmth.
Maahv Z Oct 2016
I fooled myself
by saying
i don't need anyone
i care the least
in this thick smoke, in dim light
i feel my heart sinking
of knowing my misery
what do i need?
why do i fool myself?
i get myself fooled
these conversations are not as bare
they are not plain
it's taking out of me, myself
this very essence,
i am loosing
suppose we get married
than what?
how do i face whats bound to happen
i can't tackle the pressure
the social, cultural
doesn't make sense to me
i listen, regardless
since my soul, is interlinked with yours
my heart, your heart, are two deep lovers
an ancient story
where we built our hopes
it's not taking us anywhere
not to me..
each time when i see your face
it reminds me of my helpless
i get myself fooled
thinking i can bear anything
by telling myself
i'm strong
when in real
it's opposite.
Maahv Z Aug 2018
i felt you
so closely, and very near
like an air, like a wind
but you are still far..
i felt you
near me, so close
all over me and my senses
you touched me
went by my breath, my face
my head,
i haven't been myself ever since.
i felt you,
that close..in my blood
in my restlessness, in my helplessness
you came and left me vulnerable
my heart is like a child, needing presence
to feel warmth and not abandoned
but it doesn't have any.

i felt you
that close, and that near
hitting me with your force
showing the might-
i have been reminded of my weakness
so much, that i am struggling to focus
i can't see any face, i am blinded by your supremeness
and i feel powerless.
wondering where do i stand
in this life?
how did you leave me, so closely
so powerful
and yet here i am
writing about you, after being crushed by you
overwhelmed by your extreme
i felt you, oh death
so closely
you were there, that close
yet, left me
just like everyone else.
Maahv Z Dec 2014
some days you are less likely to feel anything
as if there is a bizarreness sitting in you
like infinite stars in every inch of you
exploding in you, with you
and you are burning too bright
like an erupted lave
with all sort of exposure
looking at you directly
facing you--arguing with you
and some days you feel
your whole body is eaten up
as if somebody nurtured all the energy from you
such days are the blessings
so are the other days
and some days it is equally impossible not to feel small
as if nothing will appear
the spaces between atom and cells
you will feel too delicate to go on
each of your cell feels invisible
easily blown away
fragile vulnerable weak
and some days you feel tough
too tough to break anything
anyone..
as if you are made of strength
that holds you up
made up with character, vision
mind and thoughts
that are not breakable
as if they will build you up, like of building blocks
sensitivity and too much being alive makes it for you
feeling more than human
and you feel infinite, mesmerized and eternal
forever.
Maahv Z Mar 2015
I carelessly look into time
without any quarrel
knowing how irrelevant everything seem
possessing little power
or almost very meager
its forbidden to feel
but the temptation is divine
we are birds
that needs to fly
magnitude of life takes us all
i carelessly examine my body
with thick sheets of disappointments
yet i hold onto my nerves
trying not to fail again
entrance is too thick
and my longings are too big
return with time
i long to be sought
but there is too less time to feel
it is forbidden
to cry your heart out
Maahv Z Aug 21
I want to write
what i feel
but i have no words ..

i want to cry
when i think
but i have no tears ..

i want to go home
to separate myself from endless trauma
but i have no home ..
Maahv Z Mar 2015
dont love me back
i am not one of you
my spirit is elsewhere
so is my mind
don't keep me awaiting
your heart can't possess me
it's like holding rain
not to be sure
where to be, how to go
i am running with my masters best field
the best is never to expect
they are all good for their own
do not hold back
spirits can't hold each other
you all have mastered your soul so much
i no longer reside within
all the seasons look same to me
all the faces seem similar to me
they are all seasonal faces  
don't seek me back
my mind can't be sought by yours calculated means
my heart doesn't understand the worldly takes
all it knows --the reasons to care!
Maahv Z Apr 2017
there is nothing more hollow
then looking back to your own life
with a pinch in heart
moving on is a freedom that you've to make
as for nothing is real
nobody is there
i see my heart with an aching sight
with each of beating
it drowns more
in an aisle of despair
like slipping moments
moving one place to another
without any hesitation
i intend to leave this life
just so ******* scattered
i crave for peace
it feels too much to be in ones own body
it ******* hurts
like a needle in body

i am not gone
but i feel myself gone
truth is harder to tell but lying is cruel
being cruel is considered good
so is the lying ..

we crave for own space
this space in my heart that is shattered says
'write poems'
but my life tells me to go on
it's too painful to write your own story
and to rewrite the narrations of what you felt
it just feels too much
sometimes more than these words can describe
and i feel helpless
this heart...this my very heart
it feels so heavy
insisting of loading all the grief of this world
convicted of grief, pressure
all the mammoth madness
of this life
this hype that everyone talks about life
i just don't agree
as sometimes
i even lose the motivation to breath
this pain which is never just mine
but of living too much
for others!
Maahv Z Aug 21
My spirit is low
my heart is filled with trauma
my mind continues to put up with me
my body continues to put up with me

And I am still low
Is this betrayal?
Maahv Z Jan 2018
All I know
That I was drunk
By the hallucinations
Of your looks of your touch
Of your soothing mystery
I didn’t know much
Yet I know
That I loved you
With my heart in rich force
Mingled with yours
You overlooked
You never bothered
And here I’m
Waiting again
To be touched to be felt
To be known again
In a land
Of your mystery looks
Maahv Z Nov 2014
do not brag 
do not care
do not worry 

it is all at His will 
whilst you care- people leave 
whilst you speak- people accuse
whilst you express- people mock 

do not show
do not mind
do not expect

let it be 
let everything be 
let everyone be

do not cross
do not embrace
do not feel

people don't bother much-- rightly so
everybody care for their own-- rightly so
Still they are growing with loneliness
Right, left..loneliness and emptiness
they eat, pray, speak
with loneliness, emptiness

world is full of noises; everyone hiding
It is neither making sense nor bothering much
but too concealed

Still do not bother
do not be feel
do not speak

it is what it is
it will what it will

remember nothing remember no one
Go and have the soul of your own
without using your mouth
Maahv Z Apr 2016
if i were to write a history
of today's mankind
i will tell it
like a story
a fiction--people like fiction
they don't want themselves to be told
how ugly they are, sometimes
they don't want themselves to know
how cruel they are, to each other
most people
they are not bothered
of what other feel
and occasionally
and very often
people are left on their own
it doesn't matter
people are senseless
like a jeopardy
even their own existence
is a mirror of complete lie
but don't tell
it'll offend them greatly
don't try to reach out to people
and for some people
it's never enough
whereas there are people
in this world
who die out of hunger
thirst, human cruelty
let us first satiate ourselves
our greed, our appetite
nothing is enough
I'm a stranger
who wonders here and there
i don't recognize people
they judge, regardless
pointing fingers of how aimless i'm
i let myself be an aimless
looking at their gigantic ignorant feeding
this world is too big of a play
of people's games
if i were to write a history
i will form it into a story
of every mankind's state of misery
and mystic going
side by side
Maahv Z Sep 2018
By the river
I sat down
and wept
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