I don't want to touch your body.
No, darling. I want to touch your soul.
And when I wake up,
with the crisp sunlight shining through the shades,
casting horizontal shadows on my cheek,
My heart throbs with hatred
That I survived through the night.
For my love of life is growing bleak.
Wrote this poem about two years ago when we were just discovering my problems with depression and anxiety.
Don't particularly like the writing, but I love reading this to see how far I've come since then.
if you are the first boy to love me* say, i am sorry you didn’t have anyone there when you were young. that the words you always needed to hear were so long in coming. i don’t believe no one wanted to hold you in their arms before, i bet they loved you but couldn’t show it. like you made their breath catch so they left your hands shaking, afraid to love the girl whose emotions ran deep like a well, whose heart was wide and open, who would come to know them better than themselves; afraid to let you in.
You were a girl they weren’t ready for but I, I will not be the same kind of foolish. I’ve been wanting to give you roses for the day you turned sixteen, but I can’t. Maybe in another life if I will be so blessed, younger we will meet again. For now instead I will plant you a whole garden. Am I a godsend? Was I what He intended for you? I have no idea but, you have been alone for so long it’s all your heart remembers. I know you are used to it, but I want to love you, and I will, for as long as you will let me. More than ‘i love you’, you are my life now, and i will plant new flowers every day, and we will water them together.
I've been trying to write about you for hours,
hoping the words will flow naturally,
and finally it'll all make sense.
But the hours have become days
and the words never came
so I'm just as confused as when I began.
I don't believe in God
But I believe in faith
I don't believe in miracles
But I believe in hard work
I don't believe prayer works
But I believe prayer heals
I don't believe we need to give
But I believe we should
I do not believe in many things
But I believe in much more
Silently lie in the grass,
On the hill above the lights.
Steal a kiss,
In between ,
Each drag on this cigarette.
Take bets on which is more
I am torn between
Running to your door
And telling you I love you
Face to face
Crawling in my bed
And whispering I love you
From far away
**(I wonder which one you would hear better)
I want you to do the same
I want you to love me better