lately I’ve been feeling like I live on another plane of existence. I have left my body and I’m watching over myself as I fail at being a functioning person. I take four hour naps every day and don’t wake up until noon and I’m left up at night screaming into the void that I exist because as much as I know that I am alive I don’t feel like I’m existing. or maybe I just don’t want to exist. maybe I’m tired of these day to day tribulations that come with being an adult, maybe I want to exist as a child forever when everything is bright and new and nothing hurts except bruised elbows and scraped knees. maybe I’m being nostalgic for a place that I don’t even know exists. maybe I lost my innocence too early to know what being a child feels like. maybe I lost myself too early to know what being a person feels like.

you were the first-

the first kiss,
silky lips one with each other,
skin to skin,
bone to bone,
my fingers caressing the prized jewel
that is your body,
hands gliding along your waist,
sliding down every curvature and crevice
god gave you.

you were
the first 'i love you',
hair whipping in the wind,
heart beating a mile a minute,
your eyes interlaced w my soul,
gracing my own.

and though it is unholy
to crave the sun
when I am only a star,
I won't repent my sins,
for you are the reason
planets twirl
and I exist.

-i want you to be the last.