My Heart,
a pulsing red mass of veins
and arteries
surrounded by golden auras of emotion…
yes that…
It is peeled back
to the core
and once, again,
I lift myself off the floor
broken by my own doing
wanting the potential of more
I am so ready to be taken
my flesh incarcerated into yours
I am so ready for love
to cherish and be adored
Right now I feel sore and bruised
my marriage bed
empty in its occupation
I am raw
with longing
torn up in frustration
Beats of love pulse through me
wanting to be expressed
longing for release
for give and take
at its best
I want those rhythms
to freshly enter my soul
and, though maddened by my
                               own derelict passion
know freedom is my goal

One day, I whisper to myself, rocking
the crimson ***** tenderly,
One day this will come
This ever full love I deserve
In the meantime
I rise, and fall, and rise again
My heart's ancient descent
into self-knowledge
and care
so expertly preserved

Like so many
times before,
she went out
into the dark
and pulled it
around her--
its cloak of
          charcoal
              staining
        her fingers
as she
grasped its
deeply opaque
fabric of smoke
turning her
eyes into mirrors--
mirrors reflected
inside out, thoughts
and feelings
brash and quiet
in their subtle
points of weaving
until the cold
gleam of shards
of the onyx air
clung to her form
like an inky abyss,
the very reverse
reflection
of black snow
spilling and seeping
into her essence,
filling the weeping
in whispery presence
until all she could do
was curl into the
soft embrace
of obsidian,
surrender her soul
to the starless sky
and let
it in

on this rumbling
              stretch of tundra
                  no trees reach up
                     to soothe the sky
                     there is a pulling down
                  of wind tunnel vortex
               like conifers in reverse
          an icy howl
in the bonechill
               of time
Translucent holes,
         perfectly round, are dug
                in glacial archeology
                  and in the sea below
               gelid creatures lurk,
           half-frozen
         in the history of my
                                        soul
Only moss and lichens
grow on the rock,
somehow softening the
rugged textures
of the wild landscapes
that seethe
          just beneath my skin
and there, just
shy of the surface
is a quickening
a subtle pulse of veins
that pumps life
between the gales of
my heart's steppes
flushing out
           the pain
somewhere
deep
      within the private lotus
of my being
folioles unfurl
leafy shapes around
my organs
wrapping them like gifts
          as they undulate in whorls
opening my petals
in renewed consciousness
and deliberation
as a new kind of  
           stamen
                rises
    dusty pollen
powdery
budding ripeness
       bursting up
       and out
   of my deepest
       centered
whirlpool pistil
nectar dripping
in viscous webs,
to be caught upon
the tongue of
a new dawning
My silky outer
wings of vegetation,
slender stalks of
          filaments and anther
have been turned
into hot steel
They protect
    the tender vulnerable
                   when burned
as poison words held up to my
watchful eyes,
                   are properly discerned
I give myself over
to this new power,
my back arched to fully embrace
what is to come,
a universe calling thunder,
the old patterns undone
I am ready
to reveal my all
as the goddess deep within
comes to release my gold
suffusing light through skin
conjured from me
a relentless strength,
ever-growing,
                now tenfold
rising way past
soft-lit stratospheres
and orbiting
               to
                 bold

I guess
You could not handle
me
and I was so open to you
A Queen accepting
visitors, you ---
a special sort of knight
but in the end,
a coward

Queens also get hurt.
And this one
must now banish you
from the kingdom

So take your wounded horse
and fly

My thoughts
        flow up into the trees
like paper lanterns
released by eager
and giving hands
They fill up the night
with their rectangles  
of light                    
They create blazes
that are sometimes
               soft and
sometimes ever-strong
and I ponder
upon where they will reach
         ponder who the dreamers are
that release them
so willingly
Dreamers such as I
who relish the act of thinking
Yes, we navigate
through the dream-realms
steer the hidden rudder
of our destinies
We flow
as we glow
and turn the
captain's wheel
toward destinations unknown

Now I release my lantern
let it reach out unto the stars
until it glides
and slides into the night
into universes
of other worlds
alternate realities      
where I sometimes
visit
sometimes dreaming
my silken wishes
into reality

Garden to my left,
colors so bright
the snapdragons and sweet peas
nod their watercolored heads
in the morning's silken light
chutney-colored wall
leading to my door
shoes neatly stacked
with toys in baskets
upon the concrete-patterned floor
plants align the window sill,
marking the flipside to my kitchen
reminding me of wafting tastes
in the form of stir-fry
or juicy chicken
to the right
a pumpkin-spiced ball of fur
my Ginger nestled tight
body rising and falling
in deep slumber's purr
his springtime pillow
puffed just right
The laughter I hear
fills my ears and heart
as children, (mine, too)….play
and I sit with my legs upon the
Tupperware chair
and contemplate the day
Between my palms Turkish coffee
entices with its delicious steam
and here come the thought police
to interrupt my desert dream

Back off *******,
I'm not going to jail.

Laying down in deep sleep
I see you
looking at me
from across the room
a holographic image,
as you lay down, too
in your faraway bed
in your faraway room
but your eyes, locked on mine
this is what's close
this is what's true
I feel your gaze
upon my third eye
feel your loving stare
deep inside
it penetrates and weaves its
way between the layers
of my heart
slices gently
tears me apart
being in torrid distance
sometimes hurts
and sometimes
I don't feel it at all
because in a space
beyond the ticking of clocks
in a set of hours
that exists beyond locks
in a private universe
that exists just for us
you are right here
breathing next to me
your chest rising with each
deep, relaxed breath
your mere presence
catching
           my
               fall
and as your eyes
radiate love into mine
from that bed across
the zoneless moon
our hands reach out,
fingers intertwine
two souls soldered
in landscapes separate
yet spanning the waves
across time

(and our nightair kisses
fly like the tiniest of flowers
confetti gliding
voluptuously sweet
and unfolding
in raging, perpetual
         bloom)

(explicit)

**** my soul
        with poetry
           scream out my gracious name
             slay me with words
               that peel my layers
                and simultaneously
                                   drive me
                                           insane

finger me slowly, hotly
with just the right rhythm and rhyme
    push me past my
                 tender limits
                       into tongues of syntax,
                                                      sublime

a­lliterate my senses
   (in swift stac
                    c-at
                           o)
until my mind is but blank verse
    mess up my stressed
              and unstressed syllables
in unsung language, versed

I will speak to you in vowels
(the only sound
       I will be able to make)
as you stroke
   my iambic pentameter
             in the heat of frothed-up
                                                     ache

we are this heroic couplet, you see
        even if the meaning seems veiled
           no need for simile or metaphor
               as I feel your chest rise
                              in deep inhale

we are a natural paradox
       so many ironies abound
         discordant harmony
is our synaesthesia
     in visible darkness found

and I love this delicious enjambment
as your aura invisibly slips
                               into mine
our lines have no beginning,
                                 no end
    as we undo
          the boundaries
                      of time

floating on
the pond
dragonflies zip
above me
thinking I
am an
organic substance
an algae-dipped
                nympth
my hair in fronds
the subtle ripple
of sunstreak
on thigh
like reflections of
rainbow lanterns
upon skin
my skin, puckered
from melding
aquatic escapade
is soothed in this home
of kissing koi
who welcome me
in fin brushes
bubbles on the
small
of my back
sweet as the
lush harmony
of waterlily voices
that only I can hear
as the gaze of frogs
and forest dwellers
imprints upon
the inner lids
of my
      starlit
eyes

Heartbeats fast
whispers and plans
a mother's heart conflicted
as she wrings her hands
through the courage,
streaming tears
        she will let him go
despite her fears
Outside, canines barking harsh
men's cruel shouts
she must say her goodbyes
as the shots ring out
So many kisses
on his sweet, sleepy face
         little man deep in slumber,
in angelic grace
yes, he cried for a minute
as the morphine kicked in
and she rocked him and rocked him
his little frame, so thin
Now as his father takes him
she crumples to the wall
"By the will of God may I see
him again" she whispers
for he is her all
Outside the freeze
puffs breath into clouds
the quiet imperative for
             this next move:
Father gently slips son
into the rough-hewn jute,
No rotten potatoes today, no
this is far more important
No one will look for a tot
in a potato sack, he hopes
He looks around and slips
through the hole in the wire
These moments are critical
the need for speed is dire
A quick trip to the village
           in the black cloak of night
looking over shoulder
Finally the house…it's just there,
the next meadow over
the secret knock is sounded
and the door opened in silence
warm arms greeting, helping
carry the goods inside
Will this be a respite
from all the endless violence?
            Laid gingerly on the bed,
the sack is eased off gently
no potatoes inside
just a small sleeping boy
his parents only pride
Father strokes his hair,
Lays his palms on his head
to bless this bundle of sweetness
in his new environment
"I will come for you, my son"
tucks thin blanket around
and the deed is done
and now, in the cold lonely
smoldering air
of the burning dark
now in the kiss of hopeful protection
yes, now it's time to part

Back to his wife in the ghetto's
cold, sickened  space
to try to convince her
to bust out of that twisted place
You are my warrior, you
and all the others
Your spirit beats on
in my
     naked heart's
            thunder

Today I wish to
take sadness and
throw it
to the winds!
Let a new dawning occur
as I spread silky wings
I will create a blue fire,
Ignite my own spark
Yes
I have been enough
in my cave
enough in the dark
My heart pumps blood
it lights up my veins
The calm pulse of my breathing
Soothes away all pains
My worries are, like feathers,
simply floating away
Oh, I know I can do this
even just for today.

I am dancing
in the night
my face turned upwards
          arms reaching to sky
drawn like a magnet
to the stars
as they burn
into my skin
my eyes
are shining into yours
as I sway
          across the floor….
These eyes are open
and seem to
penetrate the very dust
  as my heart beats              
                 desire
my solar plex,
                lust
I sway to the rhythm
and can do so on my own
but tonight
when you join me
            a strange magic unfolds
Primal beats
slowly take over
transform our
surroundings
         turn our hearts over
as we feel echoes pounding
Your gaze speaks volumes
your lips…they
barely graze mine
It is just for us,
this hot private universe
and I must say,
for the record:
It is  blowing my mind
                   So here,
in the intimate starry
backwaters of the soul
get lost with me
in our own tunnel vision
Hold me hard
  and
    release
         inhibition

Rain pouring

in the desert

makes me

so lustful

for Life.

And it has been

cascading down

for hours

Thunder roaring

Lightening crackling

My spine a-shiver

I want to be

under the covers,

next to you

skin on skin

hear you breathing

in and out

rising toward me

with each kiss

I want

my head upon

your chest

to feel the pound

of your heart

as it reverberates

into mine

I want the overflow

of your love

wrapped around me

like a vine

an efflux

of emotion

that sends ripples

right through me all of

my pores

filled up and tingling

with the outpour

like a river

unstoppable

I am ready for it

for that force

of nature

as I rise up

to meet you,

my ebb,

your flow

under the

moon

and its

rapturous

Glow

Rainbows of light
that's what I'm sending you
Each color
penetrates
each chakra
cleansing and strengthening
re-filling with light
and purity of spirit.
Each color magnifies its healing property:
Violet, lucidity of connectedness
the channel ever-clear
creativity always flowing.
You know yourself and always will.
Indigo, clarity of mind's eye
that third eye that you so allow to see
positive and true
Deep ocean blue
for communication in tongues
only for the benefit of the soul
for expression of the outpouring of spirit
releasing the burdens of your heart
as unexpected challenges arise.
Verdant green, like the jungles of your heart
Wild and untamed yet ever vast in gentleness
overflowing with love
balancing you into harmony's swing
serenity's caress soothing your soul
Sunlight yellow
right in your solar plexus
shining as a sun lights up from within
allowing you to trust
and re-trust your gut feelings
your inner wisdom alight.
Orange, pure glow of fire,
waiting to burst forth
from bud to flower
for femininity to unfurl,
both tender and fierce
as the lioness knows to be.
For joy to envelope every cell of you
every fraction of who you are and will be.
Finally, red , embers aglow
flames dancing
flames from which your strength
and vitality emerge
the source of your courage
in this battle.
And so, my fellow warrioress,
I send you rainbows.
To buoy you up
To thread you with light
to match, cell for cell,
the strength and healing
in colors.
I stand by you as we wave our flags
as we run through the
wilds in our battle cry
I am with you all the time, every hour
of the universe
silent like the huntress
stalking its prey,
tender as the mother
with babe to the breast
fierce enough to stave off the enemy
Standing at your side
Ready to catch you, if needed
Ready to help you generate rainbows of your own.
The power, my love,
is within your fingertips
within your smile
within each stunning
beat of your heart.
Rise up, and allow it
to weave through
the mosaic
of you,
a rich tapestry that spills unto the sacred plain
You,
my rainbow,
my light.

Fine wide
droplets
dancing over
the faded strands
stuck to ground
so ordinary
so full of mystery
turning the dull
metal edge dust
into shining
pixels
that glow,
rustic, as
half-shell pearls
emerging
from the
murky sea
And, then--
your face
eyes ever shining
in the glowing
grey

sitting here but not
my insides
       in a twist
my organs blooming,
their flower landscapes
rising in my solar plexus
like poetry expanding
its cellular shapes
into
        light frequencies
I need way more.
I need the pulling off
      and stripping down
of souls
I need to meet in
a depth of falling
I need to be pushed off
the silent gates of madness
into endless sea
no looking back
senses piqued
from slightest brush
of oral butter pouring
on hot cream
my mouth, a searing
crimson wound
oscillates in
contraction radar pulses
ripe for intense
tongue exploration
         aching to be filled up with
your distinct flavor
My essence molecular is
overflowing with fluid
giving me life
in throbbing, raw
electric vibes
whipped organic, in
                 rolling tides
Somewhere, out there
                  our volcanic impulses
                          meet in steamy ebbs
                     and send energyflow
to a new and ancient universe,
magnetic
and I am
a raging heaven's child
      wrapped in
           a tight little
              tourniquet
     blood pumping
through these veins
             my longing for
                 dark stretches
   of intimate caresses
to soothe
  the spikes
      of snaking pain
Give me
those airwaves that
let me breathe freedom
into the fields of our skin
Let me run like wild herds
of the animal within

and as I find myself
hanging off
my
      own
  edges
my many-braided loops
         in zigzag split,
a-fray
my skin rips open,
parting fibers
that expose my
very
      DNA
helix swivel
     undulation
hips grinding into
                     soul
reaching in to
pull out
fresh rebirth
from between my folds
O help me to allay
this tender affliction
undo me, already
so I lose control
one little shove
and I am over the cliff
deep into ocean
**** over spliff
I am beyond ready
so grind it to the hilt
Give me your
tender-ripped heart,
spill your honeycomb milk

I am here, ravenous
in the pan
uncooked yet ripe
saliva and breath
steaming my own innards
flushing out strife
I am piquant hot pepper
ready to be broiled
my blood is already
                             boiling
my tender meat oiled
mull me over
in your oral cavity
like sacred wine
until I drip
through your bones
and down your spine
Just meld with me
                        and flow
into that light tunnel
of dark time and space
so I can stake out
my rhythms
and claim
      my
new
sacred
      place

when we are in love
we are raw red hearts
bleeding
exposed to the flesh
of the night air
in crisp, sharp breaths
ventricles open wide
as its beats paint
the stars crimson,
skylit rubies
baring all
peeled back touch
of cells like
the muck of our guts
spilled out yet
       somehow contained

My insides are
braided, like veins
pumping life into universes
receiving the tender fire
of your jeweled, earthy words
rising to meet each kiss
like an abulation

I am
boiling cherry broth
in this heat-licked ice
that melts upon the tongue
in salted frenzy,
delightful

Wash over me
Hold me in cupped hands,
                       gently
Take me by the tips of
my soul's hips,
                  firmly
for I am at risk
of being pulled into
the sweeping monsoon
of
     your
forever

Ingredients:

suitcases
photo albums
quick wit
a  new space that is comfortable to breathe in, raise other beings in, and nurture pets and your spirit in.
Sprinklings of humor to shake on it all when it gets to be too much. Mason jars of self-appreciation and worth to open in an emergency, if these qualities are forgotten and old patterns resurrected.

Preparation:

First, sit quietly with yourself.
Breathe deeply, as many times as you need.
Fill as many soul cups as you can with confidence,
and pour them on yourself, until they sink into the
soapstone of your pores.

If needed, tip back your head and open your mouth,
in order to have a more direct inflow.
After that, take just as many cups of calm
and pour them in, slowly and with generosity.
It is okay if you overflow; you may need extra serenity
later, when you are in the midst of action.

Let the two ingredients mix, slowly, until colors as yet unnamed
are formed in your solar plexus, spilling
throughout the entirety
of your body.

Take a break and blow bubbles, for lightness.
Yes, you may laugh like a loon.

Marinade:*

After the laughter has subsided, take a big dose of self- love and rub it all over yourself, drizzled like fine coconut-scented oil. Do not miss a spot, even on the parts that you have a problem with. In fact, give those extra love.
And now, for the rub*: This has been simmering for a while. It is time to push it all into the oven and bake it. The heat is rising, so be quick.
Take all precious memories and sew them into the pockets of your coat. The ugly ones, burn, quickly and thoroughly. Scatter the ashes into the wind.
Hang new pictures on the wall.  Splashes of nature you have photographed. Mandalas created by a precious daughter. A platypus wishing you goodnight by your little flower imp. A cheeky photo of your boy, to remind you of inner sauciness.
All of these strengthen with love.

Finally, rest your head upon the new pillow and inhale the scent of freshly laundered springtime. For now, the ordeal of your winter has ended.

Time for a long, languid, luxurious dessert.
A new life!

Bon appetite!

Do not be lured
by false gods and poets
for their words will
pull you in
You will be dizzied
and stunned
as they raise false hopes
as they caress you
beneath your very skin

You will feel on top of the world
until they let you fall
with  a harsh bang and a crash
You will have to get out your armies
And release weapons
from your private stash

Your heart has the potential
to be trampled
as their swirling fairy  words
march on
and the more you
let them
stay inside
the harder it is to move on

So take heed,
Those of sensitive soul
Do not let your emotions fool you
The ones who have tenderly
Spun you to gold
Will, with your own feelings,
try to rule you
Pull out while you can
And hope for better days
Try to find some light
In the dark
Now is the time
to work on yourselves
and ignite your own
passionate spark.

In this restless desert
things are not as
dry as they seem
for after the plentiful rains
the temporal grass has spread
as quick and alive as wildfire
Looking velvety to the touch,
it waves in synchronicity
as the wind sweeps through
its sharp blades
like a tender stroke of hair
from a lover
wildflowers peep
their heads of color
over the shoots
in vibrant frequencies:
       crimson, yellow, purple
I want to run through them
festoon them upon
my queenly being
not actually touching them
just reveling
in their existence
I want to become vested
in the accoutrements
of simplicity
wear them upon
my essence
in tiny points
of effervescent love
particles of colored joy
that mark me with pointillism
so that when I am sitting
in the cold lonely of the night
I can embrace them
in their royal glory
and be caressed by
the loyalty
      of their
           spark

in the crackling dawn
firebuds burn,
electric
spirit cells lit
in aeortic pulse
ventricles open
to a psychic doorway
stepping through,
she remembers it
that ember
of arcane ritual
divination of
intimate fires
ancient inner knowledge
sparked

Now is a time
for mourning
for celebration
for resurrection
tears streaming
like cool rivers
her palms splayed
reaching up
spilling over
her breath
as steady
as the stars

I have found it.
That certain
circular way of being
I was looking
                for it,
                     so hard
my soul in turmoil
one slight scratch
under smiling surface
and I would become
a sculpture
made of wax
                melting
at the slightest
wisp of breath
burning ,
               mercilessly
at certain words
                forming
from your mouth,
your mouth—
that has placed
itself upon me
so many times
on our mutual
faraway cliffs
that no-time-zone
meeting point
above stars,
in other universes
     and believe me.
Nobody can
live this way,
suffering for
the want
of an uncontrollable
urge to be
          so
            very loved
So I have found it.
My way back
to balance
it was in your voice
and my own
together mingling
clear lines of phone
cut through soul tingling

I now take this lotus,
planted in my being
since birth,
and hold my stance
prepare to
               perform
the sacred dance
a mandala-painted
halo around my crown
a holy stone
in each hand,
          buoying my spirit,
anxiety down
stones I will never
cast upon you
because you
are forever me
             even as I
take my heart
with two hands
and return it,
still aflame,
into
           my
                 chest

You sometimes really
wear me out
run my emotions through
                                prewash
like laundry in the machine
spinning me around
and I know only I can stop it
but I do not want to
because of the fact
that the souls of your eyes
recognize in me what longs
to be touched
and you touch it
so much more than you think
so even if the going gets rough
even if the whites and darks
get mixed
and there is static fluff
and it clogs up the kitchen sink
I am not leaving, yet
I am holding my ground
and I hope you stay with me
coz I need you around
to see through
that laundry until it's done
even if it gets very, very *****
and the load needs to shoot
oh, we'll deal with that
because we are connected
we're on the same route
so put me through rinse
it doesn't faze me
as long as your love,
like magic soap
continues to clean and raise me
I want you in my life
as long as I know
that at the end of the cycle
we'll continue
to grow

Only one little
               silly tiny
                       movement
can create ripples
of effects
and tonight
as I reached for the
garlic or salt
or whatever
the hell it was---
something harsh was set
I brushed your shoulder
or was too much in your space
somehow jolting your ego
from its permanent, fragile place
            You chose to take that
and make a fight
from dust
and this in turn led
to splitting hearts
              spitting corrupted trust
passive aggressive silt
swept out
from under rugs
emotional bluntness of punches
instead of the realness of hugs
Where have we reached
what have we done
All I know
is my heart's on
        the run
These little ***** triggers
       can open
Pandora's sick, dark box
unlocking old resentments
from behind rusty locks
"You will never be forgiven"
are words
that destroy
they suffocate and choke
turn real gold to alloy
and Man, this gold is melting down
running in streams
painting false this town
in shades of hurt
in shades of pain
just lay me down
in this thick desert sun
to bear this unbearable
                   splintered strain
Let me pour this liquid burden
into the salt of the cracks
of the earth
Let me be replenished
with crystal water coolness
as I, head held up in tears,
                           remember
                                    my golden worth

Circles of dreams
           tender shoots
reaching out
          into the night
my arms
          wind around
your frame
          my spirit
wisps about your
            essence      
your sanctuary
           unfolding
out to me
          so freely
you give me
        your lightness
and hold mine
         into you
we extend
        our boldness        
and I feel
blessed
        to be a part
of this union
so ready for
         the celestial force
the pinnacle
of lifeflow
         blood rushing          
in ears as
my veins connect
to earth as roots
       and then suddenly,
in this
mineral tenacity
of sound,
         I rise

Here is the old
Victorian table
of rich cherry-polished wood
set so nicely
for the afternoon meal
but there will be no conventional
repast today
click of locked door
clink of
utensils
upon the floor
whoosh of cloth napkins
tossed to the side
beauty of inhibitions thrown
in silent
animal pride
come to me
now
I climb on the surface,
So smooth
Let me offer you
some succulent thigh
my roundness is ready
for your consumption
and I need to devour your
deep beauty
the fire in your eyes
let it go right into me
with every bite
move towards me
as I open to you
It is time for this
luscious, tender feast
to be relished
and
consumed

I walked around you
seven times
under that canopy
and you smashed that glass
our hearts flew
         and all around us
Cheers
Then moving down the line
with these mixed up mashed up
years
Three growing precious seedlings
in our shared garden
         fertile soil, tender new leaves
blessings of fruit and flowers
                     cornucopias of sheaves
As we battled side by side
when hard times
           demanded nourishing:
Little bud born before her time
                 now a blossom flourishing
Little man struggling with his anger
                        calmer in his essence
Angel child's illness
and recovery:
a blessed efflorescence
Yes this woman is thankful
appreciative beyond words
and simultaneously so weary
                         of always struggling to be heard
yes, deep inside
long years remaining
              invisible
less and less warmth
of emotional and physical
and now, somehow
        your motivation has been tossed
  the way to each others' spirits
in raging heartwaves- lost
If this sacred bond
was written in fire
Baby, you have left me to burn
The only way to save myself
is to search for all I yearn
I made myself into what I thought
you wanted
Pushed my soul into a tiny box
now it simply won't stay in
and I bust open all the locks

I put out the fires
       of the stars in my eyes
to try and fit your flow
in the process
lost myself in the abyss
ignoring my inner glow
    
Well
my darling it is time
to be released from darkness
if you will not
take my hand
if you will not
run with me
if you will not
accept my hands of help
if you will not
be willing
at all
I will walk seven times  around the fire
I will smash the glass of my heart
I will pick up those pieces
and hold them up to the stars
I will be rebuilt,
taking back the constellations

I will throw them back
into the vastness
of creation
I will honor our process
before I gently, firmly,
take apart
the sweet universe
we have constructed
finishing the start
we will protect our flowers
And you will wonder
as you turn
into earthen fossil stone

Why on earth,
why in heaven's name
are you suddenly
alone

arching my back
the sparks fly
like shaved metal
off of my sternum
as something
like happiness
flecks through
in metal firebuds
that screech coming
over me as a
wave washes
through my
molecular structure,
inside the libations
held up to the
small goddesses
running through
the rush of
the chainsaw shrieks
of bloodstream
now a fomenting river
of tiny waves
cresting made up
of my tears
shed all through
the mineral-encrusted
night
Now those tiny deities
with singing plumpness
of breast and thigh
indigo radiating
from their third eye
are dancing
inside my being
as I strive to catch
the shadows that
only just surrounded
me in that last hour
of plague
of chasm-patched torment
tears insulating me
until I could not see
for the steam
just on the edge
of inability to
contain my
filtered out
pre-injected rage
Here I now sit
a few inches above
the grasslands
lotus in each palm
pumped
with manifestation
in my very fingers
                       of life

Wherever you
may be -
be it in strife
or
in gladness
            know I am
              flinging out    
                   my heart
             to the stars
hoping
      that, like a
              boomerang,
                    you will
catch it
bless it
infuse it
with all
you can
even if in
pieces
peeking through
the cracks
of your being
and hurl it
over the blanket
of celestial
               reasoning
                   tossing it
                like a wish
        into the heavens
until it reaches
my hands
safe, sound
and ever expansive
Know
          that while I
              send my prayer
                          to receive
                   that the real
                reason is to
         have suffused
within you
a breath
         of freshness
                   recharging
the parts of you
that have become
too heavy
to bear
     imbuing you
with the sacred
forces of
winter strength
spring light
the balance of
autumnal winds
and the ripe
heady fruit
of summer
Now
            as my hands
catch that pulsing
mass of life
       and put safely
                   back into
                          my chest
I bless the winds
the you
within me
and
         fly

I have no idea
What brought me here
To this place,
This mystical temple
Of a sacred space
But here I stand
And my arms
My heart
are wide open
Raised to the heavens
As I pray
Open to receiving miracles
Open to the wonders
Of this love
And I wonder
What an alternate universe
May have brought
But it is pointless
For I am thankful
And happy with what I have
I am happy
To have been created as me
To have created and still
To create
And I am elated
To a heavenly sort of place
As my heart I do consecrate
Raise my eyes to the stellar fires
Bless each and one of my earthly
And  unearthly desires

I pour the sacred water
Upon my head
Feel its coolness
In the sparkling night
I feel the divine essence
from above
Bless my spirit, Bless my soul
I thank the Universe
For keeping me whole
For making me a woman,
A mother
A friend devoted
For staying real,
not sugar-coated
For being blessed
A sensual creature
(****** delight
a powerful feature)
I am thankful for my strength
And intellectual liberty
And for my constant fight
To keep myself
Free

And, most of all --
I am ever grateful
For this divine opportunity…
Ever humbled, as it is
Bestowed upon me:
To experience
the profound inner light
of my own emotions
to give myself a gift
of utter devotion
to allow myself
without inhibition
the freedom of expression
I was meant for
To come into
Fruition.
Yes, in joy
Yes, in wonder
I raise my head to the heavens
And take in the thunder

Within the salty swirl of foamy loam
where depths collide with rushing tides
mystical creatures' hearts do roam
their secret desires, they so carefully hide

But one day among crystalline shadows of light
in shades of turquoise and emerald,
two beauties emerge from dark into bright,
and in their meeting a shared destiny heralds.

One with a voluptuous feminine grace,
swaying hips, fullness of ******* and velvet thighs
auburn-haired, with lips made of cherry
and her mellifluous voice her treasured prize.
The other a magical alchemy
of shapely woman and magnificent fish
her violet eyes and iridescent smile
would fulfill Poseidon's deepest wish.
With gemlike scales and long, lithe limbs
a glow lights up her mystic aura
yet behind it a sadness and longing for love
hide behind the coral reef's gentle flora.

Chancing upon each other,
at first hazy shadows
in the blue-green light
the Siren and the Mermaid
started to discover
that they shared a similar plight.

"Are my eyes really seeing what I think?"
breathed the Siren into the salt
"I've never seen a more beautiful creature,
I thought the chances would be nought"
"My name is Nerine," said the Mermaid. "For a sea nymph I truly am
who has roamed the oceans day and night
feeling more empty the harder she swam"
"And I, am Ula," declared the Siren, in a voice like crystals , fine-tuned
"They say that my voice is as clear and smooth as a sapphire
which is why I am called a 'sea jewel.'"
The two embraced and began to talk, speaking of their pasts,
their present and future
and both realized that they wished for spiritual and ****** mates
to mend their hearts that were achingly sutured
"Oh darling," said Ula
"Let us journey to the land of the forests
for surely as they day I was born
we may find our blessing a-waiting us
in the spell of the wondrous Unicorn"

And so a sacred pact was made
as they swore unto each other
that their vigour would not fade
until they found their one-horned lover
and with knowing eyes,
pressed palm to palm
the beauties made their choice
Nerine would give up her tail for legs
and Ula her singing voice

Foreheads together, arms raised in light
their prayer was spun to sky
and suddenly, the two enchantresses
found themselves on land, quite dry

Excited, giggling like nymphets
they jumped and twirled in delight
and set off for the forest green
For their hearts they were ready to fight

I feel their presence first
a Fey being knows another Fey being.
The magic of the Otherworld,
announcing arrival long before seeing.

Into view they came walking along the forest path,
fluid movements hinting at an elemental source.
Chitter-chattering, the same way that finches laugh,
feet strong, steady, never straying from their course.
Two carefree girls, making trails through my Green,
I feel a purpose brooding, so sound out a call.
They stop, gracious, as if surprised to be seen,
whispering these words as on their knees they fall.

“We are Sea-sisters of the ocean,
we are here to follow our notion.
Searching the forest in gentle kind,
for the Unicorn we wish to find”.

Hark! Hear your wild Lord speak,
listen as your mind he frees,
leading you on a fantasy journey,
through valleys and betwixt the trees.
His stories weave a forest dreamscape,
a sylvan land of purest Green,
leading you by a cautious hand,
he'll show you things you've never seen.
Twisted hazel and the mighty oaks,
meadows and glades of sweetest light.
Streams that catch the moons cool rays
and secrets held within the night.
But the Unicorn, a law unto himself,
is one thing this Lord cannot show,
a creature to be sought for alone,
so off through the forest you must go.

Following deer tracks and mystical ways,
strange paths that turn and twist.
Deep into the woods the wanderers stray,
yearning the fabled Unicorn to exist.

Then it happened, inclement weather,
rain soaked the bracken and heather.
So Nerine and Ula, a decision made,
took to shelter in a canopied glade.
The irony was, to them, quite plain,
creatures of the sea hiding from rain.
The forest floor did start to steam,
creating an eerie warm sylvan dream.

And the girls so excited hugged and kissed
as a mighty beast emerged from the mist.
Slowly coalescing and so taking its form,
the raw masculine power of the Unicorn.

I had felt their presence as soon as they touched land,
emerging from the foaming waves, crawling hand in hand.
I heard the echoes on the ether, as they made their Sacrifice,
the resonance throughout feydom as they gladly pay the price.
I knew their wandering had led them a merry crooked dance,
and now they shivered before me, they think as if by chance.
But I am a law unto myself, the Unicorn of the trees,
roaming at will in the forest, showing myself to whom I please.
So these Maidens come from the sea where they were born,
two adventurous girls' brave quest to find the Unicorn.
Nerine and Ula looking awestruck statues in my presence,
rooted to the spot, rigid liked scared and paralysed pheasants.
Their deepest wish fulfilled, they marvel at my existence,
and I in turn marvel at their resilience and raw persistance.
But the Sacrifice means that the sea is no longer home,
tied well to the land, destined now to forever roam.
And what of love, their desires and lust to find a mate?
Well, for Nerine there is no choice, feelings came so late.
Parting from the Forest Lord, latent attraction she had felt,
and knew she would return his way, in his arms to melt.
The Siren Ula was very quiet, looking frightened and forlorn,
her greatest dream had always been to follow the Unicorn.
So now we walk together through glades beneath the Moon,
my primal urge keeps calling for her to sing a tune.

Sacrifice made, quest fulfilled, to her Lord, Nerine has gone.
Ula happily rides me, never once missing her Sirens Song.
And here, for now, is where this story sadly ends,
Nerine and Ula Sacrificed their gifts, forever sister-friends.


© Pagan Paul & Lora Lee (25/09/17)

My tears do flow
right into the stir fry
on the stove
onto the towels
as I fold laundry
behind the smile
as I place a bandage
on my little one's cut knee
I hug my children
They cannot see those salty droplets
as I think of
the exact awakening
that I am on the edge
of receiving
and now
that the chambers of your heart
take shape before
my very own
as the shy indigo of your retinas
burns its memory in my  
pair of ocean blues
and how, today,
I wanted to melt right
into the ripe,
soft knowledge
of your
smile

I long for
   the sanctuary of sleep,
             my palm, relaxed,
      upon your heart
head nestled
      into the crook
            of your kindness,
slow strokes of tender
shelter from
the storms within
             thunder quelled into gentle
                as the stars fill my bones
       leading me into
forests of sweet, dark
replenishment
   scent of pine
         and loamy moss
             over my body,
forming a green –quilted
blanket of tiny-budded love
my fingers planted deep
into the cooling soil,
sprouts unfurling
crickets in night chant
fireflies a-whirl
and the bond
in our  
veins, delicate fronds
                intertwined yet      
                       giving space
                   to breathe,
simply breathing
lungs expanding
in the cracked
wood tranquil
of mountain air
hushed rush  
For now,
through panes of glass
          the moon
                 casts a watchful eye
                              caressing my
                          sadness with
            her woven strobes
                                        of
                                light

Saturday morning
we cuddle in bed
My sweet little owl,
her darling head
on the pillow next to me
as she chirps away,
welcoming morning
before it turns into day.
She tells me her stories,
of her dreams in the night
This is her time, also
to ask questions about life.
How does the body work?
How is metal made?
Where do stars come from?
And then, without further delay...
We spring from the covers,
in giggly delight
For now, we make pancakes!
Her sweet help ensures
that they always taste right
We giggle like monkeys,
partners in crime
Yes, Saturday morning
is our precious time

architectural mollusks
    are falloping through
                              my brain
                        squeezing past the
                         instincts that
        have kept me down
My instincts,
              once brittle sea stars
                          that splintered
                                    into cracked
                                 peppercorns,
                 are now mixed with
           the breathy liquid
        of squid,
lubrication for
the spiny paths ahead
They blow their ink
between my
inverted vertebrae
      injecting Jello into bone
                           busting through
                        fiber and tissue like
                          fresh-skimmed
                    lavacream
and all my muck
rises to the top
in a neon rawness
that I find beautiful

Soon
my burning crevices
will be cooled
fossils will turn to flesh
and, as sure as knowledge
springs into action
I will make
for the shoreline
like a cephalopod rocket
silky smooth
my fins spun into wings
touching magic
as they glide

There is a new fire
in my soul
           its curves  
                wrap themselves
               around me
                      sinuous
             like a hot
          slithery
sheath of flesh
snakes of pleasure
       twirling in my deepest
                         womanflow      
           pumping inside
    my veins of mesh
Those licks of flames
caress as they spew
  they **** in my spirit
        spit it out anew
                undulating hips
        matching my own
            a middle east song
                igniting my bones
        suffusing my blood
with the raw, the bare
filling me up
with sparkling lava,
                   so rare          
This combination
          makes for a recipe hot
               like a piquant ghost pepper
                  in my spiciest spot
Now let me weave words
Let me conjure your
                           liquids
let me drench colors
upon your eyelids,
my spirit's
proximity vivid
Let me drown you in
            madness
in frothiest frequencies
           of love
let this symphony play out
powers screeching above
and as this vivacity beckons
          the soul in your eyes
our stormiest spirals
       will spill out rainbow fire
           and rise
for as we grow and reach out
there is a death of limitation
              as freedom breaks out
                   in ocean-soaked
                 emancipation
Our mutual worlds
heal each other's hurts
as my tongue licks
your wounds
rejuvenation asserts
hot springs of
              lifeflow
filling up cells
sensations of textures
a ringing of bells
So
as I weave this spell
around you
            fear not that you
will disappear or
thine own self lose
for we have only to soar
as we
   coax out
        the muse

I split open
        right down
the center of
   my lit-up blue
                of throat,
gutterally lush
        into deep green
tumbled brush
forest heartwave
zipping straight
between the sloping
landscapes of *******
as the heavens
          take me in,
                temper my
weathered blasts
of tempest
that have thrown me back
unto the wall of ether
Impacting through
the fibers of time and
spatial relativity,
the poisoned burns
along my spinal chord
                   crackle
with the scent of sage
and a
savory-flavored wisdom
of a more enlightened age
Yes, the time
for cleansing has come
and, as electricity
trips off my energetic crown
I can only see hazy
                         ribbons of
                   purple light        
          becoming
       one large
             sea of dreams
                        fully expanded
It is time
for visionquest and
I must make ready,
arms taking in the world
preparing for
silent battle
wordless in whisperings
yet ready to howl
           
I sit back on
my haunches
eyes on lookout
heart alight
in licks of green fire
my weapons hidden
my eyes that of a child
ever soft, pliable
ready for all to happen
and I must gather
my own children 'round
like a she-wolf
surround them with the
            timeless protection
                          of my breath
               as ancient spells
re-alight in the sparks
and a wispiness, like smoke
envelopes my being
By daybreak,  
         my old soul
will align
and dance with
           all the new
        I can
possibly
muster
or even
       think
to  
     bear

last night
as I soaked my feet
       in hot water and fragrant oils
           put on some
              Bollywood tunes
           and let my hips
         start to sway
my head began
to swoon
and the binding
threads holding me so tight
inside myself
      began to fray
          my chest opening in
             rips and starts
                 to reveal its valves
             in engorged release
       of dark magenta shadows
of teasing, gnashing inner beasts
while this was going on
the moon lit up
around me
      in its eight different phases
its halves and crescents
        shimmering    
in incense-scented cadence
my fingers reached out
to stroke each one,
          unique in its own heated glow              
                          as I realized that
               they will never cease,
these sequined
streams of joy
in embroidered flow
as long as we are connected
            to the root point of self
the love pumps quiet fire
                         in our veins
           even when trapped    
in slamming undertow
     pressed tornado slab
                              of pain
and I have had my face
pressed under watery surfaces
for such a long time
that suffocation
almost feels like
        breathing
so it's time to
move these hips and thighs
                and get this soulspark
                                                 reeling

She has had enough
Of looking through the keyholes
of her own apologies
observing  silently
like the tiniest of dust particles
that nobody truly sees
She has had quite enough
of being that shadow that lurks within her own soul
She is sick and tired of the flag of "sorry"
Flapping high above the breeze while she is stuck
down below
just waiting as the world passes by
She has had it,
so sick of hiding within that small silent room
as the colors fly in whirls outside the tiny window
gracing the touch of her fingers
as the flutter of butterfly wings
She is ready to break down those walls
with the one sledgehammer
that she now
discovers is in the room
Rusty, standing up
In the corner
Unrecognizable but for the cloak of dust.

Dust and rust aside somehow,
she can feel it and it is unstoppable
pushing back the cobwebs in that prison cell
that she herself created
She is ready to unfurl
Fly out into the light
The horizons of her world
are already exploding
Shards of glass fly from it…
from where she's not sure
The walls pushed back through an invisible force
that simply was there
all along.
Here, feel that dance of multi-colored
Light
Coming in with each breath
As the heart and soul expand
Now there is no way
but up and out.
Timid hands open the door a crack
And like a magnetic force
She is almost ****** through
The time tunnel of freedom
Almost….
Like the tiniest of snails slides back into the
comforting shell
But then she wields it
taking charge.
Pride is on the shelf
and courage large
Sledgehammer roars through the air
and smashed walls
lead to freedom -
not slippery as the black ice she once tripped on
but as smooth and graceful as the stride
of a delicate wing
as it licks the sky
in her rising.

Somewhere in the realms
between transcendence
            and desire
where the power of change
always takes us higher
there walks a poetess,
who writes in spirit's muse
her words curling up and out,
                    wisps of smoke
                        in celestial hues          
She walks slowly
through the heavens
bringing down
slices of enchanted spells
and we can feel the pull
of her grounding chants
right down to
        our very cells
Her words reflect the workings
of a potently spiritual mind
connected to emotions
in a binding so divine,
into darkest ocean depths
she brings forth points of light
and wherever she steps
no matter where she goes
one feels her soul, so bright
as it lifts us up into the spheres
of music and words,
spiraling in whorls
where dust
             and magic merge
and as she walks through green,
through mountains, rivers, forest
her essence often glows
in heat and coolness,
in rush of creative flow
And yes, while we feel
this journey, these seeds
being so beautifully sown
we can take those
words of wisdom
and apply them
         as our own

He: I am not feeling very talkative tonight.
She: Oh, shut up.

-a humourous collaboration with zebra :)

Slowly
I will unveil you
Like the peelings
an onion,
bittersweet juices
flowing with each
layer

I will,
as if a handmaiden,
Be there
To remove
the armor
of your battles
Ceremony-like,
In gentleness,
without hurting you
and lead you to the bath.

I will coax you out
Like a delicate stamen
From the petals
That surround your
Aching heart.

If you retreat
I will give you some space
For I know that
You will come to me
Like a fragile night creature
Afraid of the sun
I will persuade you
To check the air
To realize that your secrets
Are safe with me

I will encourage
You to come forth
And take you
Into my arms
No matter what
secrets you hold
Whether dark,
twisted  or lost
I can take it
For my heart is warm
And I am wise beyond my years
Come now, hush
Let me help you
Release your fears

Small Issues

When she unlocks her heart
It all comes out
Pouring in a stream
Without seeming end
Everflowing, not always like a river
But rapids
Frothing and bubbling
Heart flushing out poison
Like after a hard night of drinking
When a friend holds hair back
And all the ugliest, nastiest parts  roar  out
Pushed , upchucked
Without control.

Outflow of bitter
Salt of tears
Tears, unsewn, sometimes ripping bigger
Sometimes just bearing it
The worse for wear.
The fabric of her soul
Is often many-layered
And multi-hued.
Rough-spun jute
Next to softest silk.
But today, as heart is opened,
The key misplaced,  
She cannot hold back.
Dizziness and nausea take over.
Silk is torn and waves like a flag.

She raises hands, in supplication
Before holding onto the nearest
Steadying object, be it chair or rail.
Hope arises
for sweet beneath bitter
for clean, warm blood
pumping with life, and flowing  purely
for feeling clean after all the poison is out.
She knows it is there, deep down under
muscle and tissue
She knows
light-filled energy is
somewhere shining
in a low rock pool
right around her solar plexus.

"How we only need,"
she thinks.
"To work out
a few small issues."
Relief
And exhaustion
Take over
As she reaches
for tissues
to wipe away pain
and lie down to rest.
There is some down time
before the next test.

Feb. 2014

I am no
warmonger
Yet, today,
I am ready
for battle
Hand above brow
searching the mountains
for enemies,
I hold my staff
My sword in tow
My face upturned
To the burning snow

Yes, I am
A warrioress
In her half-polished armor
Some parts shiny, as if new
others marked, beat up
dented, burnt
a rough-hewn tribute
to the steely trials
I've been through

War goddesses
Sekhmet and Athena
Freyja, Astarte
By my side
As I ready my stallion
For the dangerous ride
"We are lucky,"
I whisper, in her beautiful ear
"That time is on our side...
No time for fear"

I am my own commander
In this field of combat
I only have my heart
To wear on my sleeve
I will take my victory
In my vulnerability
Before I close the
doors again
So all of those
non-desireable factors
Better not
upset me

I have always come in peace
I am a gentle soul
But all of this….

Now the tables have turned.
I am ready to yell
My battle-cry
Arms posed for arrow strike
Hair streaming wild
Eyes with the focus
Of a hawk
Watch out.
Take heed.
For I have learned
That good girls
Fight back.
No need to
Senselessly
Bleed
No need to take
unnecessary flack
I have had enough
Of apologies
Enough lowering my brow
I am taking Life
Into my own hands
And my time
To live is
Now
Stand back
Here I come
Move aside
Before I
come
undone

as the rush comes
on the dance floor
it envelopes me
beats rising up my spine
and we are all one pulsating
             beautiful body moving          
                           losing inhibition
              as we spin and writhe
           expressing ourselves
        to that vibration
embraced and surrounded
by the flickering
          tangible sparks
                light we can almost catch
                        in our fingers and mouths
                   eyes like stars
or closed in our
       own private mantras
entranced by rhythm
minds in haze
untouched auras
in colors a-blaze
scintillating in the dark

moved by our own
inner cadence,
we are all bonded
through
        electric notes
downbeats alive
in quickening liquid metal
We inhale that invisible
sense of smoky escape
no thinking needed
but soul's center awake

So
rescue me
at  least for the night
wrap me in bliss
just bring it on
          an accent of sound
                  as the dam bursts
          in spiritual ******
        of musical flow
as we re-connect
to ourselves
in angelic dark
               glow

I have got this hunger
A craving, you could say
It comes to me
When I least expect it
And won't go away

It enters my bloodstream
Pulses through
My veins
It doesn’t care
Whether I am feeling
Pleasure or pain

It pumps into my heart
It slides upon my skin
It takes me over,
Without and within.

When I get his hunger,
This craving
This urge
All of my senses
Start tripping
My emotions in a surge
Like rushing water
Upon a calm lake
Oh, please, I beg,
Fulfill it…
For Heaven's
Sake!

It takes me over
Occupies my body
My brain
And I feel that if I don't
Scratch that itch soon
I will truly go insane

I look towards the heavens
I pray with all my heart
Please, help me to satisfy
This great gaping want..
For I am burning up
Inside my own strife
If I do not feed
This Lust
for Life

By the time you catch
up with me
I will be just spinning
out of your orbit
as joyous as a comet
fire on my tail
I am whirling
into my own cosmic vortex
approaching other stations
New galaxies
await me
with open arms
Even if all are not
immediately friendly
I have laser detectors
with bits of solar and lunar
wisdom
information I have tenderly gathered
while on my stay
in this sphere
Now celestial pulses
surround my aura
create a whirling halo
of all that is divine
My heart flies
on a this heavenly journey
upwards to the stars
You cannot stop me
from being the woman
I have become
The Woman I will be
who I am destined
to rise into
Now this space traveler
is finding her new orbit
No barriers for me
for I am floating, ever surely
drifting in my own private
navigation
closely directed
yet free

In this tightly interwoven
tapestry of
           silks and cottons
softness upon stems
an intricately-*****
                     journey
manifesto of life
        I find myself in
patchwork landscapes
of ochre and
rust turning
           turquoise
earthern shades
of cumin and cardamom
cloves and coriander
piquant red of paprika
alighting the senses
My fingers reach out
to sift the powder
to crush
fragrant fronds
of fresh basil and oregano
upon the blueprint of tips
allow their scent
to permeate my skin
and infuse tissue
                of tongue and lips
and I seem to be
in this
           bustling marketplace
my blood afire like
dried ghost pepper
searing and brightening
all flavors
fenugreek and asafoetida
to soothe the ache
of emptiness
chervil and chive
to get juices flowing
I want to slit open
vanilla pods
get at the beans
revel in their essence
wear it all over me


In this realm of spice
and paradise
I am flying,
a magic carpet of dreams
unrolling before me
like an unfurled flag
of new existence
The sounds of hagglers,
fading in raw visons
of shiny apple colors
olives piled high
textures of smooth cherry
budded broccoli
of walnut wrinkles
aroma of guava

Music takes over
I am in a cloud of
oud and lute
syncopated tabla
bells and rumbling
taut skin drum beats
Or is that long low whir
simply my heart purring
to the cadence of
       freedom's call?

I only know
that in the whisk
of a second's split
I will savor the flight
and also the
                fall

I am being consumed
By inner flames
Just coursing through me
Like a storm in my veins
Without control
I cannot stop them
If I tried
And something must
Be done before I'm fried
This inner inferno
Is seizing me
A sweet conflagration
Of colorful blaze
You are charring my coals
My head in a daze
Call the fire department
Try and put me out
But I think that lava
Will just pour out of the spout
I am trapped inside this
Raging funnel of flame
Yes..you've set me on fire
Your love to blame
Now I sit here
And think of what to do
For my glowing hearth
Wants to devour you
I am in a conundrum
Of love and lust
**** put it out
before I combust