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1.1k · Feb 2016
A quote by Roald Dahl
Little Bear Feb 2016
And above all,
watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you
because the greatest secrets
are always hidden in the most unlikely places.
Those who don't believe in magic
will never find it.
Roald Dahl was a British novelist, short story writer, poet, screenwriter, and fighter pilot. His books have sold over 200 million copies worldwide.
1.1k · Feb 2016
Only then..
Little Bear Feb 2016
I wait until my glass is full
to overflowing

and then

only then

can it spill over the edge  

pouring upon the page

splashing the ink into words

that I pretend is poetry.
1.1k · Apr 2016
I would rather be me.
Little Bear Apr 2016
I never professed to be pretty
certainly not beautiful
and okay so...
babies don't actually cry when they look at me
But..
I know what I am
what I look like
you don't have to remind me
Yes.. I'm awkward
I mess up my words
I'm shy until I know you a little better
But..
Do you notice I find it hard to look you in the eye?
I thought not
Do I wish the ground would swallow me whole
more than once a day?
You bet
So.. I'm not really comfortable in my own skin
I know that..
But I refuse to have a thick skin
to man up and to take it on the chin
with or with out a pinch of salt
I refuse to be like you
I don't want to be hard hearted and cynical
and I also don't want to brush off your comments
like they are nothing to me
Because every word you said
every thing you implied
I have thought of myself too
all the time
everyday
And if what you said hurts me
then so be it
But that also means I am not like you
I would rather be me
awkward
self conscious
scared
a great big bag of what if's
But ultimately happy
I care
I want to do better
I love
I am soft
I have passion and dreams
(okay, so weird ones sometimes)
but I won't make fun of you
and if I like you I will tell you
and I will remind you that I love you
You don't know what I have seen
and have been through
You don't know what happened to me
because you don't know me at all
So don't judge me on what you see
judge me on what you know
And by what I know of you
I'm just glad I am me
I wrote this a few years ago.
I was on  a bus and there were
some very unkind things being said
by some other people on the bus.
Not just to me but to other passengers.
I came home and wrote this.
I just needed to write it out.
The sad thing is..
this is still relevant.
1.1k · Sep 2016
i'm going to save you
Little Bear Sep 2016
the dust will settle
and i will come
searching
under the ground
to find you

still breathing
still bleeding
still needing
air
my love
i will find one more
breath
for you
as you gasp
and grasp for
for heaven

but
my love
smile with me
let it go
for all we need
to hold onto
is the sky
between our fingers

hands holding tight
look at me
look
at
me
see no lie
place my promise
in your heart
where it belongs

and i will save us both
1.1k · Aug 2016
travelling man
Little Bear Aug 2016
oh travelling man
taking love
where you can
to the needy
the greedy
the wanting man

the lovers
the lost
the open hearted
the broken
the kind
the dearly departed

pouring your stories
of a life
long traveled
long given
long loved
a world
unraveled

spending your love
on the lonely
the hurt
the ungrateful
your blood
to wear
on their shirt

oh travelling man
a wanderer
of peace
for the true
want your light
but the dead
want it least

as the soft
grow on you
in the gift
of your wake
the earth
sees your steps
every one
that you take


with words
uttered softly
showing the sun
how to shine
you teach the sky
to be blue
as you travel
through time

teaching the wind
what it is
to be kind
your magic appears
if we look
we will find

weighed
with the world
as you carry our woe
teaching us love
where ever
you go
For Paul x
1.1k · Feb 2016
I can't do love...
Little Bear Feb 2016
I can't do love, not romantic love.
I know about 'that' kind of love
and it never ends well.

That's the kind of love where you get hurt
and there is pain and fear
and you're scared for you life.
And at 3am you're begging to live,
to live through just one more night
so that you can leave in the morning.

Quietly slip away.

And you can't call anyone to help
because the phone is smashed
and is somewhere in the garden..

I can't do 'that' kind of love again.
Because that **** damaged me,
damaged my heart.
It broke something deep inside,
and I can't fix it.
My heart is fragile
and it won't let me love again,
not like 'that'...

I can do friendship,
I can do that.
The kind where I can walk away
when I feel trapped
and I think you might hurt me.

And the only reason you will follow
is to ask if i'm okay
and if I want to share the cookies you made
because you made too many
and thought of me.

The kind of friendship where I can trust you,
just enough to hug you,
and you might let me take care of you
when you are sick.

The kind where I will always be there for you,
but you won't ask anything more from me,
you won't ask me to love you,
because you know I am giving you everything,
everything I have already.

I can do the kind of friendship
where I will give you the pretty button,
the one I found on the way home.
I will give it to you and insist that you keep it,
because it's beautiful,
like you.

The kind of friendship where I will make you
chicken soup when you are ill,
and softly stroke your hair
and sing you to sleep.
I will rub your feet when you are tired
and paint your toes. :o)

I will make you phone your Mum
and share my last chewing gum with you.
I will remember your birthday
and read you stories
and make you waffles.

I will listen to you tell me how your day was
and not interrupt.
I will support your decisions and respect your views.
I will let you have the tv remote
and write you notes in your lunch
with a picture of a weasel..
or something equally ridiculous.
Just so that you are happy.

I can do that.

But I can't do love...
not the kind I know about,
'that' kind of love never ends well.

And I want us to end well
or not end at all.

I can do friendship,
I can do that.

I can do that with you
for the rest of my life.
I still have a slightly twisted view of relationships,
what is healthy and what is not.
It's hard to unlearn ingrained behaviours.
But I don't think I will ever allow myself
to go through that again,
to fall in love...
if that's what it ever was.

Love?... nope.
Friendship?...  yes!
I can do that,
with a passion.
1.1k · Mar 2016
Books...
Little Bear Mar 2016
If you want to know
the way to my heart
give me books
not new books
give me old dog eared ragged tales
give me a portal to another world
where lovers love and poets dream
where your heart breaks
and is made anew
with every turn of the page

give me a stepping stone into paradise
were every sunset and sunrise
is written within a paragraph
making my eyes shine
with it's reflection through the page
let me be transported from this world
to another within my mind

give me books that tell tales of adventure
of victory and of courage
where hearts have been broken
and loved and lifted within it's pages
were tears have blurred the ink
and I add my own to their count

give me books that smell of sweet vanilla
and almonds
whose pages are yellowed with time
of centuries past

And I will cherish them
I will hold them to my chest
as if it were the only love I deserve
I will keep them safely under my pillow
and they will be as your love for me
a love that keeps me awake at night
as it helps me to sleep

give me books
and I will
love you forever.
1.1k · Mar 2016
kindness.
Little Bear Mar 2016
Words of kindness
are like a balm for the soul
and should be applied liberally
where it hurts the most
1.1k · Apr 2016
lost at sea
Little Bear Apr 2016
The worst part is not knowing i'm about to drown.
The worst part is about how I drown.
No matter how far inland I travel,
there will always be sand between my toes,
silt under my finger nails,
and water in my lungs.

I wait patiently for the moon to bring the next tide.
Marking off the days until it comes to collect me.
And there is no point telling the moon,
"Sir I thank you all the same but, not today.."
And no matter the meadow I walk in,
I still breathe in the salty sea air
and it tires me so.

Picking the daisies.
Pulling off petals.
Today? not today? today? not today? today..

And you have to say goodbye each and every time.
How I wish I could stay.
Holding onto my hand.
You can only but watch
while I gasp for breath.
Panic fills my eyes as I lay among the flowers.
With the sky so pretty and so blue.
  
But I know how cold it is down there,
as the sea drags me deep.
Down I sink,
into it's murky depths.
Fathoms deep.

And I know that drowning
is the last thing I need to be worried about.
It's not what you die from,
it's how you die.
Drowning is nothing,
nothing compared to how I will die today.

And when all the air is gone.
And my lungs are full of brine.
And the fear of dieing is now.
The silence will begin.
There is a vast nothing.
Nothing to hear,
and nothing to see.
Nothing to feel,
and the sky is no more.

And when my skin is water logged
and grey,
the tide will turn.

I open my eyes to see the silver reflections,
like mirrored shards in the sea's sky.
I can see the watercolour sky through the sky
and it is a most beautiful blue.  
It is as if you had painted it just for me.
Just so I could find my way back home.
And maybe today there will be a sun.
And tonight there might be clouds.
And later,
when I am finally asleep,
there will be all of the stars.

And I will know that this time,
maybe this time, I will have lived again.

And my skin will be warmed by the sunshine.
And I will lay in the fragant meadow grass,
listening to your voice,
softly saying my name.

And I must count all of my fingers,
and I must count all of my toes.
Just to make sure
that all of me came back home.
Before the tide comes in.
1.0k · Aug 2016
his love
Little Bear Aug 2016
in his love
my spirit softened
like a fragrant balm
had been soothed
over the raging storm
of my disquieting
thoughts,
within my soul
the storm
had been quelled
and a stillness
fell about
my feet
like autumn leaves
softly
silently
covering the ground
blanketing
that
which i always wished
would swallow me
whole
1.0k · Dec 2016
i find..
Little Bear Dec 2016
i don't write
poems
anymore
the words
are not
in my head
to be written
to be said
they are not
in my heart
to be etched
upon the page
they no longer
linger
upon my tongue
whispering
to be sung..
the space
they once
poured from
that hole
within my chest
has been

.. healed?

and
i find
i do not
write
poems
anymore..

not
any
more

i find
myself living
instead
just a thought
978 · Feb 2023
dust
Little Bear Feb 2023
i have always found that
when the sun is too close
for too long
bleaching life from me

my skin burns

scalding the happiness
found in my solitude
to nothing

and i blister with
such servitude
weeping for normalcy


as i rub in the salve
made of my traumas
just to get close to the suns warmth
one more time

but i always turn
to silently falling ashes

brittle bones crumble
turning
ashes to ashes

dust to dust
and back to the earth
i shall return

until the sun shines
against my god forsaken
skin
one more time
forever and ever
Little Bear Apr 2023
all I needed was a softer heart
i needed a kinder hand
a more gentle love

all i needed were forehead kisses
i needed kinder words
a more loving love

i needed to know
i could trust you
i needed to know
I could rely on you

i needed to feel you
softly wipe away my tears
and not to have been
the reason for them


all I needed was a trustworthy path
i needed you to lead the way
and not make me walk blindly
into nothingness

i would have walked
to the ends of the earth
with you

with forever in my heart
with always in my mind
your hand holding mine
never letting go

all  I will ever need is kindness
i only ever wanted love

all  that i crave
is soft and gentle
in a world of
stick and stones
that so easily
break my bones
maybe iwas just asking too much
maybe i was too much
maybe i didn't deserve love
maybe i deserved nothing
966 · Apr 2016
I need a pen
Little Bear Apr 2016
I had to write it
right then
nothing would stop the flow
out of my mouth
whirlpools of imagination
my vision drenched with words
running over and over the brim
it was pouring out
spilling onto the floor
puddles at my feet
find me a pen
I need a pen
write it write it out
on the back of napkins
scraps of paper
margins
envelopes
skin
write it while the river flows
while the deluge pours
while the words still make scense
find me a pen
I need to write
I will never remember it the same way
the same way it saturates my clothes
my skin
panic and euphoria
fear and excitement
write it out
write it out
find me a pen
before it's too late
before it's gone
Despite having more reading books in my bag
than any person in their right mind should,
I have learned never to be without
a note book and a pen.
952 · Sep 2016
where i find love
Little Bear Sep 2016
i find
my heart
does not talk of love
from beyond the clouds

nor does it
speak love
in it's searching
the heavens

it hears no whisper
of love
swimming among
a myriad of stars
outside of the
sky

i find
my heart
seeks love
from within the hearts
of man
and within
the peace of
the earth

that is where
i hear love

that is where
i speak love

for within the
ground
i am home

seeing as clear
as the day
that rises before me
the soul
the spirit
which lay
behind the eyes
of blue
and brown
938 · Jul 2016
Start recked
Little Bear Jul 2016
Sort of xylophone trumpity music

"Space, the final front ear..
These are the voyages of the star ship Compromise,
it's five or six year mission: to explore strange new worlds
or just look at them from the safety of the Captain's bridge.
To seek out new life and new civilizations.. or not.
To boldly go where no man..
or woman or person or ummm.. cat .. has gone before..

que wirly singy music and twirl about the living room*

Or we could just stay at home, playing Pokemon go.. ?
either way i'm good.
928 · Jul 2016
reality of the illusion
Little Bear Jul 2016
a real person took me to one side
and said
"look at your feet
firmly planted on the ground
see how my eyes
see yours
hear my voice"
looking away he said
"they are all just words
made into verse
pointing, he spoke softly
behind the screen
there is nothing that can harm
press the button
and they simply disappear
he gently brushed my hair
from my eyes
"there see
they are but wisps of cloud
halls of mirrors
where nothing is real
and it's reality...
an illusion
kissing me gently
he whispered
and the only dreams you need live in
are the real ones
*you share with me"
#bf
908 · Mar 2016
a little bit lost.
Little Bear Mar 2016
there is no ground beneath my feet
not today
nothing to hold on to
as I pass through the atmosphere
past the stars
out into the darkness
space is cold this morning
and quiet
and i'm a little bit lost
lost in space
with no way home
but
If I close my eyes
and count
and sing quietly
and hug myself tight
I will believe the lie
just for today
holding on to nothing
calling it flying.
904 · Oct 2016
give
Little Bear Oct 2016
there is a
need
within us all
to find
our little place
in the world;
to find
what or who
we are

to fit
to find
to be

loved

to find
a peace
within
...
peace
with all that we
were
all that we
are
all that we will
become
...
and the longer
the need to know
whispers in my ear
"are we there yet?"

the more i have come
to realise
it doesn't have to be
one place
one person
one moment
in time
that is mine

because peace
makes itself
manifest

when we
simply give
of ourselves

to every one
every
where

all ways
903 · Dec 2016
the way we were
Little Bear Dec 2016
it was so
easy
to love you
the way you
were..

the way we
were..

just..
a breath
away
from heaven

when our eyes
were
closed
hell was no where
to be found

*and yet
we fell
anyway
i don't belong here
903 · Sep 2016
Of little worth
Little Bear Sep 2016
Sometimes
The little voice
inside says
"Well there you go,
That just proves your worth,
not very much.. is it?"
And more often than
I'd like to admit
I'm inclined to agree
So I reply
In a smaller voice
*"I know"
897 · Jan 2016
Road Rage.
885 · Jan 2017
lamentations
Little Bear Jan 2017
i am sorry
that i will not have
the time
to grow old
and my heart weeps
that i will not see
the world
just one more time
as it once was
i grieve
for all of the futures
that will not be
and the pasts
that will no longer
be retold
i lament day
and night
that it has come
to this

to be present
at
the end
as it begins
882 · Apr 2021
over and over
Little Bear Apr 2021
you are going to have to
sew yourself together

piece by piece

place by place

peace by peace

listen to the wind
before all of your broken pieces
are swept
into the cracks
in the floor boards

like dust and crumbs
blown in
by their open windows

for they do not know why
you are
who you are

look to the moon
before you are whispered of no more
by dawn they will have forgotten
who you were

why you are here

why you are
who you are

before all the tides
that swept into your shores
have broken
on the rocks below

speak in lowered tones
say your name
over and over again
do not forget tomorrow
but forget today
they do not hear your voice

or know why you are
who you are

piece by piece
place by place
peace by peace


place buttons on your skin
and sew yourself together
over and over and over again

piece by piece
place by place
peace by peace

as this is why
you are
who you are
that's all there is. Plasters plasters sticking plasters on gaping big holes that everyone thinks they know how to fix.
881 · Aug 2016
Tula
Little Bear Aug 2016
my naked morning
stretch
captured
within warm arms

my skin
cherished
in morning kisses

sleepy smiles
greet the sunshine

her skin
warm
fragrant

mine
soft  
delicate

his
steel
under velvet

his pleasures
become ours

seeking his need
hearing his want

soft lips
sharing
our morning love

gently waking
from his deep slumber
we devour
with helter skelter kisses

silken
warm
shamelessly given
is our feast

loving
breakfast
in bed
for three
867 · May 2016
Beast
Little Bear May 2016
What heinous act could I have played
that the beast is still hunting?
wanting to devour it's pound of flesh

What sins so grave have I committed
that this beast still seeks me out?
to make me repent.

Who gives it the power to choose my demise?
it takes it's own will as testament
to it's righteousness.

And I have given a pound and a half of flesh
I have repented of my sins
I have paid my tithe
I have asked for forgiveness
I have changed my ways
I have paid
I have paid..

And yet it still stalks me while I sleep
and in my waking hours
it gathers strength.

It's pursuit
relentless
never tiring
never slowing.

I will never be free

I run but I will never escape it's might
the rules absent
the game devised for amusement

A pound of flesh for a morsel
an eye for a glance
a tooth for a word
the scales tipped
unbalanced

The law says to the sanctuary I must run
yet it is too far
cornered and scared
panting for breath

Beast  
carnivore  
eater of souls

PREDATOR


In my fear I cannot run another step
muddied and worn
spent
resigned
fate

It's eyes black are devoid of all humanity
it takes a step and I can do but one thing..

**Fight.
you can't dance with the devil and wonder why you are still in hell.
858 · Jan 2016
Goodbye.
Little Bear Jan 2016
Okay, so, in your sleep...you died.
You had a heart attack and...and you died.
But they started it again, enough to take you here.
To hospital.
That's were you are now.
The machines make me hope you are still alive.
But, you died, this morning,
quietly in your sleep.

The doctors, they say that you have stopped...you know...inside.
No brain activity at all and your heart well...it's broken...
properly broken.
And even though the monitors make you breathe and your heart beat, you died you see, this morning,
quietly in your sleep.

So i'm going to whisper in your ear just one last time and...
I know that you can't hear me, but for now...
for now I'm going to pretend that you can okay?
"I love you"

We all love you so very much,
you are the most beautiful person I have ever known
and just...I love you"

Okay...look...they are going to turn the machines off soon
so you can rest forever peacefully.
Because, you died, this morning,
quietly in your sleep.
My last moments with my Dad. Saying goodbye was truly devastating but we had no regrets, no words unspoken. I knew he loved me and he knew I loved him. I try to live my life telling those who I love just that, even if it makes me sound like a complete dork. I don't care :D
it's important!
Re-posted from my previous account.
848 · Apr 2016
Daisy on the bus..
Little Bear Apr 2016
There was a daisy on the bus
just by the drivers door,
just laying there quite prettily
on it's own, just on the floor.

I thought about the fragility
of life and of things that grow,
and then I got to thinking
were did the daisy want to go?

Was it riding into town?
was it going to see it's friends?
or to meet it's long lost cousin
in the hopes to make amends?

Where did it keep it's money?
with it's pockets oh so small,
and did it have a ticket?
or did it pay at all?

And just how would it know
which stop to get off at?
it couldn't see out the windows
just on the floor it sat.

But as the bus pulled over
to stop again once more,
a gust of wind just caught it
and blew it out the door.

But thankfully for me
this was just my stop,
so both me and the daisy
off the bus we hopped.

Now the place my bus pulls over
is right by a meadow green,
full of dandelions and blue bells
the best you've ever seen.

So I look down at the daisy
and go to pick it up,
but the wind takes it far away
into the field of buttercups.

And now I just can't see it
so this is where our journey ends,
good bye my little daisy
in your field of little friends.
True story :o)
Little Bear Jun 2016
Where are you?
I am here my love
and I'm not leaving
it's so quiet*
I can't hear you
I wont leave you to the silence
I won't leave you
I am here
where am I?
You are here with me
let me take you home
I won't leave you to fight this battle alone
I will fight with you
I have to go
No.. don't go into the silence with out me
Take me with you
Don't go in to the silence alone
I will bring you home
Don't leave me..
My love
I'm not leaving you
for the demons to feast
Where am I ?
Can you hear me?
I am here
I am here
I am strong enough for us both
I will carry you
just let me take your hand
and I will take you home
I'm frightened
my sweet child
my broken child
lost in the wilderness
I will find you
I am here
I can't seem to find
my way home
just open your eyes my love
look and see
I will save you
I promise
But how can you save me?
Because that's all I know how to do
I will bare the silence
and the raging noise
I will take your place
I will take your place
Please find me
.. I am lost
I know you are lost
but I will find you
Please
my child
my love
please take my hand
let me take you home


https://soundcloud.com/rachael-435397529/let-me-take-you-home
So.. i did a soundcloud thing.. probably a bit ******* and VERY amateur. Please don't expect it to be wonderful lol
it is completely not wonderful.
843 · Feb 2016
In time..
Little Bear Feb 2016
The windows broken, shattered in wrath.

The doors marred with holes were fists landed.

The floor tiles hold such sad memories..
such unforgivable, unspeakable things.

The corner of the room where I was beaten.

The bedroom where bruised skin and pain was normal,
the bed flipped over, the cot smashed.

The garden heard the screams of hate.

The living room where the ornaments flew, the tv smashed,
a knife held to my throat.

The front door where I was pinned and battered,
stopped from leaving.

The phone ripped from the socket, no calls for help.

The place in the kitchen were I cowered and
our home was ripped apart.

The kitchen tiles where I was made to scrub the floor on my hands and knees for over an hour, while my head was held down, banging it on the floor...
the day before my daughter was born.

The unforgivable words that broke my heart.

The day I knew I would eventually be killed...
and my children.

But, those days are now over.

And I am glad that they are.


Because today, that same window, it frames the prettiest bunch of daffodils.. and a cat...

The doors now hold the name plates for the happy children who's bedrooms they are.

I have washed that floor more than a thousand times and slowly,
it becomes clean.

That corner of the room holds a beautiful bookshelf with scented candles, flowers, my favourite reads piled high.

That bedroom is no longer mine.

The garden blooms with flowers and the grass grows, it is the place where I think the best. Where the birds feed, where our two bee hotels might need an extension...

The living room is my favourite place, such bright colours adorn the walls. Filled with art, music, books, more cats and the occasional dog..

The front door is where we leave for work and come home,
tired but happy. I have my own key.

The phone and number replaced, for when I call my friends and family. For when my children call home.

The kitchen floor, wood covers those scars, the floor will always be ***** no matter how much I scrub. My daughter is 14 and happy.

I cannot yet forget nor forgive the hateful words.

Everyday I know I was right to leave.

We are here...

We are happy and have begun to heal.

And so has our home.
Time eventually heals all wounds. And for the scars that are left behind, well... they must become the reason you move on and find happiness again. The things spoken have been the hardest to get past. I find it hard to trust anyone, but it is a work in progress... that too will come in time. We decorate our home with flowers, art, laughter, pets and music. It heals us. And it heals those places in our home that bare the invisible scars, the ones I can still see.
843 · Sep 2016
let you go
Little Bear Sep 2016
it's hard to let you go
but i know.. i have to
because
i need you to fly
so i'm going to burn
every picture
of you
into my mind
so i have you
there
for all time
i'm going to dream
of every word
you ever said
and i will forever
want to sleep
with the tears
on my pillow
so i know
you are nearby
i'm going to
love you
for as long
as my heart
will allow
until it tells me
'that's enough
it hurts too much..'
and i finally
let you go
841 · Mar 2016
Just being me.
Little Bear Mar 2016
Maybe I want to be single
maybe I like myself that way
I can do just as I please
no matter what they say

Maybe I like being alone
and take pleasure in being myself
having fun and loving life
I am not left upon the shelf

I am dancing and I'm singing
I read and draw and paint
maybe I don't want to be a couple
unhappy? no I ain't..

Maybe I like to be silent
and not have to talk for days
I can come and go as I please
I am happy in so many ways

And I like being by myself
I feel comfortable with me
don't assume I need another
I am happy and carefree

I'm not ready to be 'taken'
I am as happy as can be
my life's just the way I want it
I am happy just being.. me
It seems I have spent my whole life with someone else. I lived at home until I was married at 18, lived with my husband until I was 35. Until now, I'd never had a room to myself and I have never lived alone. Now I find I like my space. I love to do the things I love. I am happy and content to be just me. I can be carefree and wander, finding out more and more about myself that I didn't know before. One day, maybe I will find love, or love will find me... either way,
I'm in no rush.. i'm just enjoying the scenery.
835 · Feb 2016
The butterfly effect.
Little Bear Feb 2016
My hair is made of gossamer
my eyes are of dew drops
my lips are just a wisp of wind
my throat dandelion clocks.

My skin the early morning mist
my blush made of rose petals
my bones are made of porcelain
my feet the snow that settles.

My body is made of tissue
my heart is just a sound
my mind just a forgotten thought
of silk tread they all are bound.

My dreams are made invisible
my tears the evening rain
my fears now silently approach
laying ruin to me again.

So delicate and fragile
the wings of a butterfly
could scatter me entirely
unto the ether I will fly.
Some people are emotionally
more delicate than you might know.
Be careful with your words
and use them wisely.
They can be used to build up
or so easily to tear down.
They hold much more power
than you may realise.
Words ill used can stay
with someone forever.
Hitting harder than any physical blow
and leaving scars that may never heal.

re-posted from my previous account.
833 · Jun 2016
:o)
Little Bear Jun 2016
:o)
I come into the room,
you are looking down at me,
watching me undress,
that's all you want to see.

I cannot even step away,
you follow and you touch,
I feel you cold against me,
I hate you so **** much.

No matter how I move,
you are there against my skin,
I push but you come back,
you never let me win.

The trouble is I need you,
of that fact I am certain,
to keep my floor from getting wet,
you stupid shower curtain.



*re-posted from my previous account
Utterly ridiculous thing
:o)
831 · Apr 2023
not a fairy tale
Little Bear Apr 2023
Once upon a time there was a girl
and the girl was ...
the girl was...
okay so,
she just was okay..
she just was
(i am not sure)

and she met a ... man?

he was a man but not an ordinary man.
he was ...
he was.....
loud and dangerous and kind
(only sometimes)
and he broke things.
(hearts,flowers,wooden doors,promises,
the virginity of girls)

But she didn't know that because, he was ... deceiving
(and just out of prison)
and utterly charming and 10 years older...
(but he wasn't like this every day, just most of them)

she was a child (15)
but he did love her
and she did believe him.

But then...
she was also in love with him
because she was
(after many years, co-dependent)

And from day one,
he would twist her words and make her feel
like she was going crazy

(she knew this because, this is what he told her she was)

And he would get angry and use his fists
and his voice to control her.

Also i forgot to tell you.
Her older brother used to look
in the crack of her bedroom door and watch her.
One day he asked her if he could touch her.
She was was 10
but she said no a lot of times before he believed her.

When her mum came up to say goodnight,
she was crying
(the girl)
and she told her Mum what had happened
The mum made the brother come in
and say sorry
and give the girl a hug
and to say sorry...

other things happened over the years that were creepy
(as ****)
including a handsy uncle
and a inappropriate series of
touching and kissing
from an older male house guest
who stayed until he got his own place.

The brother continued to 'watch'

So anyway,
the girl was under no illusion that
she was not to ask for things to be normal
and for things to not happen to her
that she didn't like
and to ask for her boundaries to be respected,
it was not something you just asked for
or expected...

so she stopped doing that and was silent instead
and stopped eating

and had anxiety and panic attacks
but she was told
she was not allowed to have them either,
so she turned inside herself
and stayed there

where in the corner of her mind,
in a very small room,
where only flowers grow
and the sun shines
and the sky was blue
she was safe.

So they got married.
Because that life was better than the brother/uncle/guest traumas
and she was girl who was scared
and co-dependent and wishing things
were going to be better one day.

And she was quite sure he
(her now husband)
would sleep
with other people
because some nights
he would not come home
and he would be angry
when she would ask why,
and he would say...
because she didn't give him
(as much ***)
as he deserved

so it would be her fault if he went elsewhere

(he said he had not but, if he had, it would have been her fault)

so she didn't ask anymore
because he would throw things at her

he would throw things from around the house
(an iron, a handful of coins, pliers, a hammer, his fists, lies, spiteful and cruel words)

All of them she remembered forever

So he closed her eyes and instead
she could only see through his eyes
just how stupid she was.

And how wrong and broken and twisted
she was.

And because she was wrong and broken and twisted,
she had no right
to ask for kindness.

or to ask for help.

Or to ask that
he touch softly
instead of like a creature
who did not care


for 18 years.


and then perchance

she watched a program on the telly

how people were in prison
for doing the things he had done
but they were normal
Right?
these things were normal for her

She was lucky he didn't hit harder
do all the things he did... More

and on the telly, they said that,
she was one of the people
who were...
Lucky to be alive

And she cried

and she was happy that she had found out
that she was lucky to be alive.

(not the end)
827 · Aug 2016
shy
Little Bear Aug 2016
shy
i'd write you a thousand words
a hundred times a day
but i don't know how
and
i don't know what to say
826 · Apr 2016
Prunes :o)
Little Bear Apr 2016
"Mum I've got a tummy ache
I think i'm not too well"
"Yes .. you do look a little peeky,
Oh dear.. what is that smell?"

"Did you eat something you should't?
did you eat something you should?
did you eat something really bad?
or eat something much too good?"

"Well I only had some prunes you see"
"How many?" .. *"twenty four..."

"good heavens take the toilet roll
and make sure you shut the door."

"Battle stations everyone,
someone hold the dog,
we might have to evacuate,
someone write the captains log!!"


"Stardate.. sometime this afternoon
someone ate too many prunes
seal them in the bathroom
and lock up all the rooms!"


It's going to be touch and go,
just stand in the door frame,
I've just bleached the ****** bathroom,
it'll never be clean again...
Little Bear Jan 2016
"Knowledge is knowing that Frankenstein is not the monster.
Wisdom is knowing that Frankenstein is the monster."
Not my quote.. not sure who's quote it is...
I might need to look it up.
:o)
808 · Feb 2016
Soft kind warm love.
Little Bear Feb 2016
soft skin soft skin soft
kind touches kind touches kind
warm bodies warm bodies warm
love kisses love kisses love
For Emma
and a very beautiful summer
x
806 · Jul 2016
free
Little Bear Jul 2016
let me be free
to wander the starry skies
and to swim the fathomless deep

let me fly
feeling the heavens within my hair,
allowing my soul to be naked
soaking decadently
in the the ink of the nights sky

let me grow
with wanton abandon
breathing under water
tasting it's warm silk
luxuriating in it's depths

allow me to taste the earth
and the sun and the stars
let me fill my soul with it's wonder
making me whole

let me have the air that i need
and my ribs expand
let my hands be unshackled
as my blood flows with a rush

and i will belong
to you

holding me with only your eyes
i will remain
for all of my days
and be devoted
like a child that has found god
within their hands
803 · Aug 2016
Untitled
Little Bear Aug 2016
fathoms full
and filled deep
Until the sea washes
back out
leaving silt
under my finger nails
and while the tide  
has marked a line
above my head
I'm still not sure if
I can breathe
795 · Feb 2016
Crazy Train
Little Bear Feb 2016
All aboard the crazy train
were going for a ride
tickets out! bags are packed
let's see the countryside

No stops until we get there
a day trip to remember
Still a passenger in spring
though I boarded in September

I pull the cord to stop the ride
This wasn't mentioned in the brochure
'Hang on tight!!'  the driver calls
'It's a crazy, mad adventure!'

Corners that just twist and turn
slamming baggage, luggage flies
hanging on for dear life
'Ain't this fun!' the driver cries

Speeding past the stations
never stopping, never slowing
passengers are screaming
drivers eyes are red and glowing

The devil rides beside me
holds my hand and screams my name
the ride, a rolling death trap
and drives me fearfully insane

This was not what I signed up for
The train hurtles off the track
wreckage, twisted metal
I want my money back
Inspired somewhat by the crazy ride in
***** Wonker and the Chocolate Factory.
:o)
794 · Sep 2016
promises
Little Bear Sep 2016
i promised myself that i would one day
be happy
as i lay upon the kitchen floor
covered in my own blood

a hand
wedged between my throat
and my next breath

my last thought to myself was
that
if i lived
i would be soft and gentle
no matter what the cost
until my heart no longer beat

i laughed in my head
thinking
that i couldn't play dead
because..
i thought..
what if i was dead already?

so i promised myself..
if i was not dead
this time..
and i did indeed.. live
that i would one day
find love again

i considered it to be a strange thought
to have
as the lights went out

but soon enough
as i hugged myself tight
on our marriage bed
with deep marks upon my skin
and a branding within

i would again
close my eyes
wondering

"I'm sorry to bother you but,
when would be a convenient time to die?"


but my heart wanted something else
and wished of love
instead

so i promised myself
i would be kind
as i felt my feet lift from the ground
and swing above the floor
my back against the wall
held aloft
by my neck

i held my breath
and looked past the face
pressed in anger against mine
for just a glimpse of sunshine
just so i knew
there was another day
out there..
somewhere..

but afterwards
i then promised myself
i would always be honest
and seek the truth

as bitter lies and untruths
were molded into my reality
and i was force fed
every poisonous word

so i listened carefully
to how i had failed
to how i had lied
to how i had become
'oh such a miserable wretch'
and i believed every word
to be so

"Would it be an inconvenience..
if i died now?"

and then after that
i promised myself
that i would always
give my hands in love

as the blood warmed blade
found it's way to my throat
begging to pierce the skin
that was already scarlet
from my nose
my eye
my mouth

and so
the metal branded me
in unseen places
instead

and i thought to myself
no matter how hard i tried
the blood
dripping onto the carpet
would never come out..

and there must be
another way to live..
one that didn't mean
everyday
that i died

so i made promises
to myself
to be less
inconvenient
and more
myself

and then you see..
no matter what i endured
it always came back to.. me
came back to me..

that to stay alive
i would then make a promise
to myself
so i could get through
that day

"Okay so how about now?
if it's not too much trouble..
can I die now?"

so i promised myself
i would be good
i promised myself
that one day
i would have worth
i promised myself
that i one day
i would find myself again
under all of this life
that had fallen on top of me

so i listened to the incessant
little voice in my head
the one that made all the promises
and that chattered happily all day long
and sung me to sleep at night
it told me of hope
and of all the things i could be

and the lower my body fell
the louder her voice became
until she was all that i could hear
she fed my heart courage
and my mind, truth
she gave my spirit hope
and she promised me
very faithfully
that i would
always live
to see this day
finding hope when there is none
Little Bear Apr 2016
Dear You

I wanted to write and tell you all the things I think you should know.
I wanted to tell you that.. you are amazing and I love your words.
Every comma, every consonant, every vowel, every **** syllable.
I feel your heart pour onto the page and it makes me hold my breath.
And pray.
Because .. even the angels need to know what you write, well, that's what they should be preaching.

And I know that times are hard for you, and I feel that too. I know just a little of how that feels. It's not quite the same but, I have anxiety and I worry a lot and I always think I am going to die and my heart races and the world is just too big and it's too loud and tries to eat me alive... and...  
I wish I was invisible.
Maybe that is nothing like the things you face. But you are not alone and I know you are brave. Braver than me... is braver a word? braver.. braver.. more brave, bravest?
Any way... the thing is ...  I will be here should you need me, you just call out my name and you know where ever I am, I'll come running... wait a minute... that's actually a song... I'm quoting some song lyrics to you.. yeah... this is why I don't actually go out much, and probably why I am single..
Okay, I know I am messing all of this up so, I just want to tell you, before I ruin everything.. you are wonderful. You are brave and courageous. You have a soul that I can feel through your words and I think it is beautiful. You are a waterfall of wondrous things. And I hope I can tell you that, I just want you to be my friend...
And if you say yes, that would make two.

Okay I hafta go
Just don't stop writing okay... never stop being wonderful.
Lots of Love
Me
**

You can hear me reading this here...
https://soundcloud.com/rachael-435397529

Probably quite dreadful but I tried :o)
Okay I did thing.. I said it and then I wrote it.
This is for all of you **
Your words and poems and writings are truly beautiful.
Don't ever stop being wonderful ***

Oh and .... I think I pronounce consonant wrong.. Oopsy me  :o)
787 · Apr 2017
?
Little Bear Apr 2017
?
what if
we just love
instead
Little Bear Apr 2016
“You should date a girl who reads.

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes, who has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she has found the book she wants. You see that weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a secondhand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow and worn.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.
Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas, for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry and in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the ******. Because girls who read understand that all things must come to end, but that you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 am clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.”




A quote by Rosemarie Urquico..
http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/437516-you-should-date-a-girl-who-reads-date-a-girl
I just thought it was kind of lovely x
777 · Mar 2016
Trust..
Little Bear Mar 2016
Trust..
not an easy thing to do
not an easy thing to give
not an easy thing at all

don't tell me that I am broken
because I don't trust you
don't tell me that..

I have a very acute sense of who to trust
and who I won't
and if I don't trust you
then maybe I see something in your eyes
something you try to hide
I have a very acute sense of who to trust
and I can see you
I can see you
I can see...
you

and let me tell you..
you are not what you seem
I can see
I can see that,
underneath your smiles and your laughter
under those spots..
is something to be feared

don't tell me I am broken
because I don't trust you

have the **** kicked out of you
over and over again
have your soul ****** over
have your life in someones
murderous hands

and then tell me
I dare you
tell me I should trust you...
I am not broken.. It's just that don't give my trust to just anyone. If something feels off, if something doesn't 'feel' right... it probably isn't right. Learn to trust the vibes you feel when you meet someone. Sometimes your gut knows more than your head and your heart, never apologise for trusting your intuition.
775 · Mar 2016
Do you wait for me..?
Little Bear Mar 2016
While I read I wonder..
When I close my book.. do you wait for me?
Do you wait for me to read then next line?
Does time stand still?

Do you wait for me?
Sitting upon your horses, waiting to go to battle?
Are you stood in silence or do you chat among yourselves
while I put the kettle on?
While I go to work or make tea?
Do you wait for me?

I narrate your story.
For me, while I read, you are real.
You fill my head and my heart.
My ears hear the horses charge.
I hear your war cry.
I hear the horns blow.
Your cries of pain and sorrow.
I can hear you..

I smell the turf under your feet.
The smoke in the wind.
I smell the blood of your enemies.
The acrid stench of the funeral pyre.
I can smell you..

I feel the sunrise warm my face.
I feel your anger, your joy.
I feel the sharp edge of your sword.
The heat from your skin..
I can feel you..

I run with you.
I ride with you.
I make camp and sleep under the stars with you.
I hunger and thirst with you.
I eat at your table.
And I will follow you.. where ever you lead.

But where do you go when I get tired?
Where do you go when I need to sleep?
Do you wait for me?

Or do you say..
"No!! not now! We go to battle!! We have no time to waste..
our enemy fast approaches!!!"

As I close the book and turn out the light.?
768 · Feb 2016
"Everything's Okay"
Little Bear Feb 2016
For my beautiful friends here.
I completely love you all so very much.
Thank you for all that you give me
have given me
and continue to give me
every day

You are my sunshine
:o)



Keep giving me hope for a better day
Keep giving me love to find a way
Through this heaviness I feel
I just need someone to say,
everything's okay

Woke my weary head
Crawled out of my bed
and I said,
"Oh, how do I go on?"

Nothing's going right,
shadow's took the light
and I said,
"Oh, how do I go on?"

Sometimes
I need a little sunshine
And sometimes
I need you

Keep giving me hope for a better day
Keep giving me love to find a way
Through this messy life I made for myself
Heaven knows I need a little

Hope for a better day
A little love to find a way
Through this heaviness I feel
I just need someone to say
everything's okay

(Everything's okay)

I gave my hope to you
When you were nearly through
And you said,
"Oh, I can't go on"

Well, now I need it back
'Cause I have got a lack of all that's good
And I can't go on

Yeah, sometimes
I just need a little sunshine
And sometimes
I need you

Keep giving me hope for a better day
Keep giving me love to find a way
Through this messy life I made for myself
Heaven knows I need a little

Hope for a better day
A little love to find a way
Through this heaviness I feel
I just need someone to say
everything's okay

(Everything's okay, everything's okay)
(Everything's okay, everything's okay)
(Everything's okay, everything's okay)

Sometimes
I need a little sunshine
And sometimes
I need you

Keep giving me hope for a better day
Keep giving me love to find a way
Through this messy life I made for myself
Heaven knows I need a little

Hope for a better day
A little love to find a way
Through this messy life I made for myself
Heaven knows I need a little

Hope for a better day
A little love to find a way
Through this heaviness I feel
I just need someone to say
everything's okay...


(Lyrics and song by Lenka
Everything's Okay)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HkY_BksDUxo&list;=PLgDe8uEpyRspK4c00w60u4hJ4u4Kk70nz&index;=3

Hope the link works
:o)
767 · Sep 2016
our time
Little Bear Sep 2016
the pieces of
us
are set in motion

to travel
in this time
on our planet
together

sharing the same days
and the same nights

the same oceans
and the same skys

all of our time
here
together

and through
which ever way
we touch

through
which ever time
we span

where ever
we may
be

we can choose
to travel
our lifetimes

with
and within
each other

and to what ever
end
our time will
set aside
for us

we can take
comfort

in that

we will
not be alone

we do not travel
this time alone

because now
we have each other
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