A person who has good thoughts
cannot ever be ugly.
You can have a wonky nose
and a crooked mouth
and a double chin
and stick-out teeth,
but if you have good thoughts
they will shine out of your face
like sunbeams
and you will always
look lovely.

There's nothing like a house full
when you're a single parent
and you'd think the mess you find you're in
would be a good deterrent

But there's nothing to compare
despite the tears and all the struggles
to everyday the love you have
and the kisses and the cuddles

And i'll say this from the start
there's no one else i'd rather be
and raise my kids alone
it's a job made just for me

And despite the sleepless nights
and the sticky fingerprints
and the ***** piles of washing
and the room that always stinks

There's a bundle of four children
who are as happy as can be
they really are a rabble
but I know that they love me

We've all been though some heartache
and quite traumatic things
but everyday is worth it
no matter what it brings

And even if the washing
is piled to the sky
and the dog wants to move out
though I can't imagine why

And the plugholes always blocked
and there's arguing afoot
and everyone got taller
from the last time that I looked

And they play on the same server
all laughing with each other
all in different bedrooms
two sisters and two brothers

You'd never know that last night
there was almost World War 3
and a hostage negotiation
over playing DayZ

But rules here must apply
there are chores and a curfew
a sense of order must be kept
even if you're 6 foot 2

I count my blessings as I go
and for each other we are glad
when you raise your kids alone
being both their Mum and Dad.

My thoughts tick
in a different kind of way.

Slightly twisted,
with a little 'kink'

Wanting what you give,
giving what you want.

My mind and my body is yours,
to do with as you will.

Dominate my sweet love for you
and I will surrender.

Giving myself over to your pleasure.

My obedience is infinite.

Tie me to the bed
with the pink ribbons from my hair.

Make your fingers dance over my skin
feeling, stroking,
penetrating me
over and..
over
again.

Take what you will.

Hard and with passion.

Fill my mind,
my thoughts,
my body,
with your essence.

Whisper softly in my ear.

'You are MINE!'

There is nothing I want more.

So delicious
So divine.

Flowers so delicately bloom
their roots run deep and thrive
from white to pink
lilacs and hues of purples and reds
such baby blues
to the deepest indigo
a miracle
with the brightest
and most beautiful of petals
a scent to fill the air
fragrances to lift the heart
such a delight it is
to have sight of them
but flowers that are picked
by uncaring hands
will often crush their velvet petals
in their eagerness to have
handling
manhandling
allowing no light
nor care
a desperate want for their eyes
greedy
needy hands
and when the flowers begin to fade
through such damage
they are placed within a press
so that they may be held
for a longing
to covert
all light and care turns away
as the butterfly screws
tightens it's grip
of such delicate petals
time will pass
and maybe it will be remembered
and held to the light
transparent
a tiny shadow of bloom remains
placed
set
among others like itself
and it will be held
for all time
in a book entitled
scrap

I said...


Ribbons lemon chewing gum
Daisies dandelion
Button teabag souvenir
Cheese cake Uncle Brian

Pepper buses diary
London *** Nantucket
Leaves carrot underwear
Ten piece bargain bucket

Raisins phone apple pie
Sock key Zanzibar
Duvet sausage dinosaur
Peanut bumper car

Mouse banana chicken wing
Fleas vermilion
Elephant soda stream
Stoat pavilion

Moose flower stickleback
Garlic salted butter
Taco dragon paper cut
Poison pizza cutter

Sandwich Batman coffee cake
Vaseline grape snow
Golf ***** haberdashery
Weasels tally-**

:o)

So, I've had a really smashing time,
playing all those games,
singing songs and colouring,
and playing with your trains.

I've had a lovely time at school,
but sometimes I've not been good,
and perhaps I've not quite acted,
the way I really should.

For the times you have been patient,
and listened to me shout,
for the times I've been quite naughty,
And needed a "time out"

I'd like to say a "Thank you"
for looking after me,
and making sure I'm okay,
in your nursery.

But sometimes I'm really trying,
and hopefully there'll be,
more days that I am better still,
you won't believe it's me.

You've been so kind and helped me,
accepting me as I am,
which will help you out in a year or two,
because next
IT'S MY BROTHER, SAM!!!

Be soft.
Don't let the world make you hard.
Don't let the pain make you hate.
Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness.
Take pride that, even though the rest of the world may disagree,
you still believe it to be a beautiful place.

Always..
it's always going to be my fault

No matter what you did or what you said
it will be my fault

Even the lies you tell
will be my fault

The love you gave and the love you lost
will be my fault

The pain you feel and the tears you shed
will be my fault

The agony and the injustice of it all
will be my fault

And the punches I took and the bitter words you spat
will be my fault

The obsessive
possessive
jealous
rage
you poured upon me
will be my fault

The others you slept with and threw in my face
will be my fault

The secret child you made
will be my fault

and so I left you

that will not be my fault

that would be yours.

Things that make me happy..
I believe it is the little things
that are the biggest
...if you know what I mean :o)

❤

little things make me happy
the biggest kind of happy I can be
and so I thought that I would list them
so that you can see.
❤
okay so sunshine makes me happy
and cats and birds and dogs
and smiley happy postmen
and kittens and hedgehogs
❤
I like bus rides that are easy
warm socks and and being tickled
walking home in daylight
burgers with extra pickles
❤
I like holding hands and kissing
hot coffee, the colour yellow
children playing happily
sweet toasted warm marshmallows
❤
I like friends that make you smile
even ones that make you frown
and ones that give you butterflies
and they will never let you down
❤
I like sleeping late and bubble baths
words and reading books
blanket forts and fairy lights
sleepy mornings tender looks
❤
I like chocolate coins in summer
iced cold drinks on hot hot days
words of love and of kindness
that make me smile for days and days.
❤
And I like to know you're happy
no matter who you are or what you do
what makes me the biggest happy
Is knowing you are happy too.
❤

Where are you?
I am here my love
and I'm not leaving
it's so quiet
I can't hear you
I wont leave you to the silence
I won't leave you
I am here
where am I?
You are here with me
let me take you home
I won't leave you to fight this battle alone
I will fight with you
I have to go
No.. don't go into the silence with out me
Take me with you
Don't go in to the silence alone
I will bring you home
Don't leave me..
My love
I'm not leaving you
for the demons to feast
Where am I ?
Can you hear me?
I am here
I am here
I am strong enough for us both
I will carry you
just let me take your hand
and I will take you home
I'm frightened
my sweet child
my broken child
lost in the wilderness
I will find you
I am here
I can't seem to find
my way home
just open your eyes my love
look and see
I will save you
I promise
But how can you save me?
Because that's all I know how to do
I will bare the silence
and the raging noise
I will take your place
I will take your place
Please find me
*.. I am lost
I know you are lost
but I will find you
Please
my child
my love
please take my hand
let me take you home

I am so ****** frightened to tell you
that
I love you
I don't want to say it.

So..
If I tell you that you're an idiot
and I lean my head on your shoulder
and I look at you
like you are made of magic
you'll know  
that's exactly what I mean..

There were two mighty warriors
whose rule upon the land
were what legends now are sewn upon
each feared by every man

Odin was like a panther
sleek and strong and lithe
nothing less than greatness
was for all that he would strive

Kester was just like a bear
his size gave him great power
over mighty oaks and castle walls
he easily would tower

The warriors began a fight
and the people stood around
peasants Lords and Nobles
threw lamenting on the ground

They fought over who had the right
to be the poet king
folk ran to preserve themselves
as the fists began to swing

Believing they both owned all words
to poetry, verse and prose
both grandiose and posturing
to each a thumb upon their nose

So the fight grew on relentless
both knew it was to death
howling obscenities from Whitman
hurling lines from out Macbeth

Yelling words of literature
pounding blows on blows
quoting Thomas Hardy
and Shakespeare's words of prose

Grabbing Kester's throat
Odin threw him to the floor
like an angry roaring lion
Odin screaming metaphor

Like madmen holding hands
grappling with each others cloak
tearing at each others skin
whose throat they'd love to choke

There had to be a victor
their words shook the city walls
Odin held tight to Kester
and kicked him in the syllables

But no one stood victorious
as poetry's life began to wain
they thrashed it till it bled
not seeing both their shame

Clothes were torn and bruises bloomed
wearing blood upon their trousers
the people cried in unison
"a plague a' both your houses"

As the warriors stood back a step
and looked upon the ground
wounded and in agony
poetry didn't make a sound

No words on lips were uttered
poetry blinked last unto the sun
for its life about was scattered
"My lords look, what have you done?"

And as they wept they looked above
Clouds gathering over head
tears blurred those fated words
on the sky the message... "He is dead"

The warriors stood on trembling knees
with death they both had kissed
the last line they both uttered
"Was sorrow... to this."

The flowers flutter
and the butterflies bloom
grass climbs the walls
and the snails zoom

The chimes ring the wind
and the birds feed the bread
the vegetables grow
in the flowers bed

Leaves grow green
on the trunk of the tree
the birds nest in jars
for all to see
Worms sunbathe
on the deck getting tans
dandelions roar
at the lettuce lambs

Spiders caught
in a fly's tangled web
a blanket of flowers
put the weeds to bed

There's a wide open space
to float up to the moon
be careful where you land
because there's not mushroom

Come spend the day
in my hot box shed
playing in the garden
getting out of your head.

So.. I went on a date, at least I think it was a date..
Okay.. I'm going to call it a date because,
if it wasn't..
I'm not entirely sure what it was.

Okay so.. the story goes like this...

It was July last year,
I was walking home from work and I passed
an elderly neighbours house.
If he is ever in his garden we say hello,
but never much more than that.

This time he was talking to a man
who was also in his garden,
turns out he was a family friend
and was visiting for the day.
He also lives nearby.

As I walked by,
the neighbour said 'Hello' and so did I..
The friend said hello too
and watched me walk past and down the road to my street,
where upon I looked back to see if any cars were coming
so I could cross the road,
only to see this friend watching me..

So..
two days later,
again I was walking home
and a car pulls up beside me..
people are always asking for directions so,
I thought this person might need directions..
But It was the friend of my neighbour..
His name is Skeletor.
(just humour me okay...)

He asked me if I was going to talk to him,
if I would like to go out for a drink,
if I would want to get to know him..

I totally was unprepared for this
and so I said
'I don't know and I don't know and...
yeah..
I don't know' ...

I then said I had to go
because I needed to go
and so I said
'i'm sorry but I have to go"
and I went...
I am not very good at the talking to strangers thing..

So..
two days later,
I was walking to the bus stop,
a car pulls up and ...
you guessed it...
It was Skeletor.

He asked if I wanted a lift to work and we could talk..
you know,
get to know each other.
I declined as politely as I could
and I said that,
I didn't know him
and I would get the bus to work because
'oh look...there's a bus right now...
thank you,
you are welcome and goodbye'

So..
two days later I was walking home
and driving up my street was Skeletor...
He pulls over and winds down his window
and said "Hey.. how are you..?"
and so we talk for a little while
and he tells me that he would like to take me out..
and can he have my number..

So..
I give him my number
and he calls it and I then have his..
he said he would like to call me
and would I like to go out for a drink.

So to cut a very loooong story short...

Two days later he texts me
and asks if I would like to meet him..

Firstly.. no...

But then...
he is someones family friend that I almost know,
I know his name and have his number...
I also have his car registration number...
and I told all my kids exactly what was happening.

And how will I ever meet anyone
if I don't actually...
meet anyone.?

So I said yes.
He seemed nice and,
even if a little persistent,
he seemed okay.
So I said yes..

He said he would text me and he did,
we arranged to meet 8pm on Saturday,
it was 25th of July..
two days before my birthday.

Saturday came..
it was 7.55pm and I was completely nervous
and just knew I would fuckit all up somehow.

8.05 and nothing...
8.11 and I let down my hair and hung up my bag.
8.19 and I'm making coffee,
hoping for a quiet night in.
and then he texts me..

'Hi it's Skeletor,
do you still want to go out...?
I can pick you up in 5 minutes...'

So I take off my slippers,
clean my teeth for the eighth time
and wait at the top of my road.
He pulls up and I get in his van..

I told my kids who I was with,
his number, his name, the car reg...
everything..
and they were to text me at 10pm
to ask if I needed to come home..
they would call me if I said yes or didn't answer.

We drove to a pub but,
on the way we talked about how neither of us really drank very much and so I said,
could we go and feed the ducks and have a milkshake..?
You know..
just something simple and fun..

He said 'yeah sure'
and that's what we did...
well kind of...

So we get milkshakes and go to the lakes..

I text my kids where we would be
while he got the milkshakes..

We pull up but we don't get out of the van..
he just wants to talk..
So I ask what he does at work
and he said he works in London,
so I ask what he does at work
and he said he works in a big complex...
and so I ask how he knows my neighbour
and he said he has known them for years
and so I ask how he knows my neighbour
and he said he is a family friend...

ugh... it was such hard work...

I ask him what his surname is because Skeletor is pretty unusual
and he said yeah it is,
so I ask him what his surname is
and he said it is Eternian
He said it was ncerfveon;wc...
I said pardon
and he said ovncervhbo3chhf...

So I said "oh..."

So he said he was kind of tired and he yawns,
puts his arms behind his head and stretches..
he said that he had had a busy day at work
and he wanted to sit in silence for a while
and just listen to the sound of the ...
outside...

So...
this is what my mind was doing...

'Okay... I think he wants me to shut up.. but he wanted to talk.. and his eyes are closed...okay don't look at him because that's creepy, okay this is weird, I thought we were going to feed the ducks or something.. oh look.. ducks... two fat ducks... well this is fun.. I've got to the bottom of the milkshake and I can't **** the last bit because it so quiet in this van and... I think he's asleep... **** what if he goes to sleep..? how will I get home? no.. he's not asleep he flexing his muscles.. what? ummm what is he doing? why is he flexing his muscles with his eyes closed..? I want to drink this last bit of milkshake.. I'm trying to be quiet.. he said to be quiet.. and oh look GEESE!!!  ****... I think he's asleep... this is weird... he is definitely flexing his arm muscles and okay don't look because it's creepy and he would think you are weird...I think It's getting dark... I am being so quiet... what if he's dead..? **** what if he dies...? please don't be dead... nope not dead.. he's flexing again... okay this is *******... oh look.. geese"

And he kind of wakes up a bit and looks at me,
smiles and says
'Did you know you are beautiful ?'
and he touches my face...
and I said 'well ummm thank you'
and he said
"You have lovely eyes,
they are so pretty
and your lips are so kissable...
I can't think why you are still single..
I could look at your lips forever,
you know...
your lips would look lovely..."

And my phone rings...

And I am just so relieved...
and so,
to celebrate,
I loudly drink the last bit of my milkshake...

And so I say I have to go home..
it's late and my kids need me to head home now..
And so he drives me home
and sings all the way home in the car to me...
and I am so glad we are heading back
and I just want to go home.

And he pulls up at my house
and I say
'Thank you for a lovely evening,
and thank you for the milkshake,
it was very kind of you to take me to almost feed the ducks.."
and he leans in to kiss me.

I open the door and shakeing his hand I say
"Thank you Skeletor" once more.
I jump out of the van,
close the door and go very quickly home...

Where upon,
for the next half an hour,
I lay on the floor in the kitchen,
relaying the whole sorry tale
to children who think this is both hilarious
and very dangerous.
They happily tell me
"And this is exactly why you are single"..

They make me coffee
and tell me I am very special
and need a very special kind of person
to put up with me...

Especially one who actually feeds the ducks
when they say they will feed the ducks...



I will say though..
I kept the paper straw cover like a little keepsake
of my first 'date'
in about 46 thousand years :)

she paints the sky blue
with a field of meadow flowers
smiling daisies grace the canvas
looking to see heaven.

the sky comes to life
a creation from mortal hands
painted with the warmest yellow
and the saddest blue.

clouds of linen white
moving silently
over the painted sky
as colours of blue and green
fill the fields.

the scent of blooms
fill the room
the buzzing of bees
the warmth of the sun
as colours comes to life
in the eye of her imagination.

the breeze
a movement of the brush
filling the page with colour
and the room with summer.

life and love
poured endlessly onto canvas
tapped into the fountain
of her emotion
filling her eyes
with water colour tears.

painted in hues
of the deepest green
capturing and releasing
the picture that lies
within her heart.

a field of hopes and dreams
appear as magic in the room
as daisies smile up at the sunshine
and she paints the sky blue

You are my little secret,
and you will be the death of me.

But I am addicted to the taste of you.

To wrap my lips around you.

To take you into my mouth.

To taste you.

Filling my mouth..

I know which way is best.

Just the tip and ****...

I could do this ten times a day,
if you would let me.

Taking you in my mouth,
taking you down as deep as I can.

But I often wish I didn't want it so much.

But I always want more.

Like an addiction.

**** it! you will be the death of me
if I don't give you up.

And at £6.49 for a packet of 18,

you are a very expensive secret.

It is of my opinion that you have desisted in truthiness.
And as such,
you will hence forth be known as a
'Teller of Untruths.'

As a result,
I do believe your trousers have combusted.
You are a blaggard and a rapscallion.
Good day...

I leave this place.
The clouds of humiliation hang heavy,
drenching my naked skin.
The air damp with shame.

Looking back at the town
called worry and torment.
My naked form ridiculed and put in stocks
as the towns folk aimed their best.
My time was served
for no crime that I committed.

And I am now leaving.
To wander the hills and woodland once again.
To find my peace.

My rucksack now packed with my hopes,
like Lambas bread.
A small cake of it
would feed a grown man for a day,
even with a hard march ahead.
I know there are many in my bag.
Enough to last a lifetime.

My water skin filled with laughter,
drinking deeply to quench my thirst.
I know the clear springs I find
will fill my bottle to the brim.

My dreams are worn about me,
as the finest cloth,
To give me warmth at night
and to hide me from my foe.
Their colour indiscernible,
neither grey nor green.
The soft Hithlain hangs about my shoulders
clasped with a broach of comfort.

I wear my friendships under my garments,
keeping them close to my heart.
As strong as Mithril.
And just as beautiful.

My map shows the way to happiness,
just over the horizon.
Away from this town.

The sun shines through the trees,
showing me the way.
The only thing I can trust is that it will rise in the east
and will set in the west.
Everything else will be met with caution.
A lesson well learned.

My heart is light,
my mind clear,
I know the way ahead will be led
only by my own footsteps.
Walking barefoot to the new lands that await me.

Running,
happy,
waving my map...

I'M GOING ON AN ADVENTURE!!!!

:O)

I closed the door.
Falling to my knees,
head in my hands
and I wept.
I shook.
And I rocked.
And I wept.

The world fell silent,
and dark.
The blood seeped through my clothes.
Burning scarlet.

The arrows embedded so deep.
Deep into my flesh.
Piercing flesh and organs.
Each a death blow.
And I wept..

The arrows stood out from me,
proud and valiant.
Poison tipped.
Bringing about my demise.
And I wept..

And in this silent world,
the voices came.
And one by one
the arrows were taken from me.
Tearing skin from flesh,
flesh from bone.
And in my agony,
I wept..

The ground,
a pool of my blood.
Pouring carmine.

But the voices remained.
Whispering prayers.
Words to heal.
Songs of kindness and hope.
Lullabies of peace.

And in time,
there became a comforting stillness,
and a moment of light.
An ember.
Blew upon
with the breath of kind hearts.

And in that moment,
I had hope.
I felt loved.
And I will remain.

My wounds will heal.
My skin will be marred for all time.
But I will remain.
I will stand up and smile once more.
I will be happy for my time.

Opening the door,
to do battle once again.