i can't bring myself to feel for you, to feel for me because it would be nothing more than a waste of time.
i can't bring myself to take the time out of my so-called busy schedule to tell someone how I really feel,
not even myself.

Here's something
You know you're truly messed up when you're self aware, but "too deep" as you tell yourself.

You're so deep that you can't even force yourself to feel bad.

You can't force yourself to care.

My worst fear is to be too afraid to look in the mirror.

And here I am shaking as I don't want to look in the light at my endless sins.

Still, I can't force myself to care just even a little bit to change.

a striking slice along the creamy white
freckle galaxy that is my thighs

is this what i've become?

a dab of crimson, slow pour at first
then a scarlet waterfall, perfect picture of my pain.

why did i do this

throbbing pain, dulling my senses
my mind is numb, almost at ease.

it hurts, i knew it would

gently easing cotton over wound,
bittersweet burgundy blood, feeding into pristine purity

what have i done

I could never tell you
exactly what's going on inside my head,
so I'll write instead.
Drown my thoughts in paper & lead.
Keep my hands alive,
and my expression dead.