today I reconnected with my best friend from freshmen year and she couldn't stop talking about how much she missed her friends from the simpler time and she didn't even mention a word about the boy who broke her heart in January, which led her into a rapid downfall that included drugs and alcohol and self manipulation. when I brought him up, she chuckled a little and said, "oh yeah, I haven't thought about him in a long time" and I swear to god, it felt like a stab in my heart because I remember being heartbroken with her in late January when you spit on my heart and threw salt in my wounds and we promised each other that in a few years they wouldn't matter anymore, but I'm still here two years later and the tables are turned and I'm drowning in alcohol and drugs and self manipulation and she is recovered and beautiful, and I swear it's like *everyone is able to heal and recover from an catastrophe except me.