i made this account
for her

to tell her how much i
loved her

appreciated her

everything.

maybe i am finally happy.

finally happy with myself,

with you.

im starting to think that she doesn't love me anymore.

but maybe he does.

ive moved my feelings to twitter. im still mad, upset, jealous, replaced

cause then i wouldnt have met you

yet youre the one hanging onto us.

because i thought we were over.

no talking,

no nothing.

and you messaged me.

the sick feeling in my stomach wont go away.

and that’s all that matters

please don’t die please i need you i love you i haven’t met you yet we haven’t met yet we haven’t walked under the cherry blossoms together yet we haven’t hugged yet you haven’t seen me yet

i ******* promise you that you’re doing so well you’re doing great you’re improving. getting better i love you i love you i love you

i want you against me

i want to see you

touch you

kiss you

i just wanna have you fo a day or two

about the fights

the arguments

the ignoring


the sleepovers

the playdates

the parties

the birthdays


the everything



no ones perfect and i don’t expect you to be,

i wish you would talk to me more,

hug me more,

look at me more,

is this a sign of “hey,, i love you?”

god i don’t know anymore

i’ve broken my heart so many times

you’re all that’s on my mind

god i wish i could see you one more time



but youre hers.

and she’s yours.



she’s mine.

i’m not sure if i’m hers.


feelings are dumb

feelings are stupid


i really do think i love you

but as you said


“i think it was platonic”

“i think i lost feelings”


i don’t blame you after all

it was 3 years ago


i just wish i had you all those years


i wish you were my girlfriend?


maybe it’s the loneliness.


maybe it’s the mood swings.


maybe i don’t want anyone right now.


i honestly don’t know.


but believe me when i say,


i love you

i remember your little smile before we found others



remember?

it was us 3, walking around the playground.

then 3 turned into 4

then 4 turned into 6

and then we gained more and more

until we snapped.

and we’re back to 3,


but this time a broken 3

i feel like i messed up, threw the friendship away to the back of my head for some stupid girl who broke my heart.

but there are those days where i feel as you did the same

and i don’t wanna tell you that god i wish you never met them cause you look so happy with her

so i’m pouring my feelings out on this dumb website like the dumb little girl i am


because i miss you

i love you


but this ******* pain won’t go away

because i thought of you when i made these dumb accounts

absolutely nothing

the more i realise how much you mean to me

and i realise that i dont mean anything to you anymore so whats the point in living?

but don’t ******* worry about it,

just keep on talking real sappy about you and your little girlfriend.


i don’t talk about mine because i care about you guys and i wanna spend time with you because i don’t know when the last time i’ll do this is. so *******- shut u p..

and i hate it but you “love” each other so **** IT MAYBE I JUST WONT ANYMORE BECAUSE IF IT WAS THAT EASY TO REPLACE OUR 9 YEARS WITH HER THEN SO BE IT.

but youre not listening and i don't know what to d o

makes me feel giddy and happy.

my heart is just-

aaasdhjksj

wanna hang out sometime?

why should i ask you if you’re okay if you’re already- probably- talking to him.


i thought you said you trusted me more than him

that i was here longer than him


i’ve known you longer than him

so why am i being pushed away?

i cant tell if im falling for you or not.


i cant tell if i love being your friend or if i love you



i dont have a chance.


youre 17

im 15.


its not- its probably not gonna work out


so whats the point?

i̸̧͈̣̳͔̮͚͙̘͂̾̏̌̋͠m̸̨̨̝͍̬͑͂̀̇̾ ̸̢̫̼̝̩͉̗̦̈́̽̾̀̑̚͜͝ģ̸̯̤̱͕̤̣̰̲̞̍̃͝ơ̵̯̊̎̎͊̏̊͋͠ṋ̸̈́̌̿̀n̴̨̼̗͓̬̆͌̌͆̈́̓͝­̼a̶̧̞͍̹̰̗̤̖̟̘͗́̇̿̈́͗̕͝͠ ̶̡̛͙̮̿̿̈́́̓̒̿͝ǩ̸̡͍̼̟̝̈́́͒i̵̻̭̘̯͆͑l̸̛̤̱̖̣̞̠̓̀̓l̷̡̻̰͎̾̐̒̌ͅ ̷̡͙̜̰̞̪̜͓̀͑̾̈́̋̐̾͜͠m̵͚̗͚͕̣̓y̸̛̠̥̻̠̝̬̋͆́̃͊͝s̶̡̡̨̛̲̞̬̻͎̟̚ͅé̷̢̼̝̈́̆̚l­̵̝̭̠̬̬̠̫͈͊̇͛f̴̬͖̬͂̌̒̓̍.̷̢̛̛̳̦̣̟̖̬̘͒̋̊̈́̔͘͘

"youre not trying hard enough"

"you need to actually try"

"were just gonna do it without you"

"youre not contributing"


maybe if you thought about how i felt about everything you wouldn't have said that.

no.

the lines are doubling

doubling in despair

the pain isnt going anywhere

it has no where to go

so why should i stop?


when i can just keep going

and ill be fine.

"ew"

i’ll disappear


everything will be fine. i wouldn’t ******* be-

i want it out of me

the word makes me sick to my stomach i wish i could just never eat and i’ll be fine! i’ll be skinny again and boys will like me, my friends will like me, the popular kids will like me. if i were skinny, i’ll be “happy”

and now i don’t know where you are.

what? no one will notice unless they see this.


i don’t wanna talk about it.


just one cut don’t worry about it

you told me about how they broke you


you've never broken that much before.



the worlds ****** man.



i cant believe i trusted him either.



i cant believe they did this to you.


i love you.




please-


dont.. die.

i wanna die
“no you don’t. you’re asking for attention.”

let me **** myself
“you’re overreacting.”



i’m hungry
“deal with it. you’re getting fat anyway”

like right now.

you let him eat. ooh fun.

he makes mistakes, it’s fine. you’ll help him without yelling.


you don’t let me eat. i’m ******* starving

i make mistakes, ITS NOT ******* FINE YOU YELL ST ME AND CALL ME NASTY WORDS. HELP? PLEASE ITS JUST YOU MAKING THINGS YOUR WAY.




i’m gonna ******* **** myself man

i just wanna eat.


i’m so hungry


it’s 2pm, i’ve been awake since 9am.


haven’t had food at all today.



don’t tell me to eat because the only thing stopping me from doing just that is my dad.

i love you

*******'re really dying huh?

no no no no no no no no no no non onno no...


alex dont leave me


dont leave us.


we love you so ******* much


we need you?


yeah.


we need you.



i hope youre well.



you'll be in a better place.





i dont want you to die.

why cant we just get along?

your friends are leaving you left and right


when will you change?

it’s scaring me