why cant we just get along?

found out

dragged me over the couch,


making fall on the wood tile.


i cried

"PLEASE NO PLEASE STOP STOP STOP PLEASE NO"

as he reached for my arms


i want out.

i’m one month clean.

soon to be ruined because it’s unhealthy and i’m all about slowing killing myself.  


brb. . .

going to throw up . . .

Does it ******* up?

Pfft, probably.

Though it doesn't do **** when I drink it.

i can’t eat an apple without feeling like i’m about to throw up so i just chew it up and spit it out

you were supposed to take me to the arcade before school starts up again.

you were.

i guess you didnt have time.

i guess you didnt want to.


i was looking forward to it

i’m sorry.

no.

I ******* love you as a friend.

Honestly, one of the best internet friends I’ve ever met, and guess what?

You’re friends with people at my school and you know we exist.

One in a ******* million.

I could meet you, the first one I’ve ever met.

We’re both gay ******* going through school, dealing with absolute ****.

We live hundreds and hundreds of miles apart, but *******,

You’re so close yet so far.

im just finding all the ways to finally end myself

i know you are

just wish you’d just say “yo i don’t wanna be friends anymore”

but you didn’t.

so i deal with your silence

Go away.

that was us.



but someone has taken your place.



you gave it up.



its her turn now.

did you ever love me from the start?

i’m sorry, i’m doubting myself.





i just want you to be happy.







if this is how you’re happy then,








i hope you’re happy.

i felt like you never liked me anyway.

i blocked all of my irl friends to save me from

"yo are you ok??"

"i saw ur poem, u good?"


because no,

im not okay.


im not good.


but i dont want to worry you

so maybe i just won’t

the word makes me sick to my stomach i wish i could just never eat and i’ll be fine! i’ll be skinny again and boys will like me, my friends will like me, the popular kids will like me. if i were skinny, i’ll be “happy”

i feel like i messed up, threw the friendship away to the back of my head for some stupid girl who broke my heart.

but there are those days where i feel as you did the same

and i don’t wanna tell you that god i wish you never met them cause you look so happy with her

so i’m pouring my feelings out on this dumb website like the dumb little girl i am


because i miss you

i love you


but this ******* pain won’t go away

i finally feel comfortable with wearing my binder outside of home

i’ve stopped falling for her,

or so i think.



i’m done with relationships.


i hate getting my heart broken

oh, how i remember us,

v  ^ v > >

dancing in your room

v ^ v > > \ \

now , , , she's taken my place,

v > > > ^ v v v - - - \ v - - -

oh, have you heard?

^ ^ ^ \ \ \ - - -

have you heard?

\ - - - -

that she's-

^ \ \ - -

just so-

^ \ \ -


so..


-   -   -

and i realise that i dont mean anything to you anymore so whats the point in living?

And if I die?

ive moved my feelings to twitter. im still mad, upset, jealous, replaced

bro it's been what now, 8 years?

8. *******. years.

i still like you.


just been shoving it down for the longest time.


i know you dont feel the same way.


so.

i joke about how i eat so much.

its funny until i actually have to eat.


i cant


god i hate it so much


having to chew on an apple slice until i feel like i can swallow it.


5 minutes.


and then spitting it out because i cant


before i throw it up again

Thank you,
I'll say goodbye soon.

Though it's the end of the world,

I still love you.

And since it's true,

I'll surround you and

give life to a world that's our own.




Help me.

I'll say goodbye now.

Since it's the end of the world.

Don't blame yourself.




And if I love you,

I'll hug you.

And never let go.






WAIT!

Don't leave,

We could be free.

Nothing would stop us now.

Nothing WILL stop us now.

Even if it's the end of the world,

I'll surround you.

And give life to a world, that's our own!

I could never live without you.


Let's be free.

I will save you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Let's run away

with no plan.

Let's not say goodbye now.

It's the end of the world.

And make our own world.

I'll miss you.

I'm sorry.

the way you sing along to your songs.

jam out like its nobody's business.

i wanna hold your hand

Daddy's drinking again.

When will he stop?

you let him eat. ooh fun.

he makes mistakes, it’s fine. you’ll help him without yelling.


you don’t let me eat. i’m ******* starving

i make mistakes, ITS NOT ******* FINE YOU YELL ST ME AND CALL ME NASTY WORDS. HELP? PLEASE ITS JUST YOU MAKING THINGS YOUR WAY.




i’m gonna ******* **** myself man

met her first.

got here first.

loved her first.

hugged her first.

watched her cry first.

comforted her first.

saw her first.

cuddled with her first.

played games with her first.

spoke with her first.


me.

i did.


and everyone else came.


and i lost her.

you made me fall for you.

i did.

so ******* hard.

what-

why-

i thought you loved me back.

it really was fake huh michael.

those i love yous

those i wanna hug yous.

michael i ******* love you.


and i didn't think that it would mean nothing.

but,


thanks for the rejection anyway..

he was ******* with me and was joking.

im crying but i got the best present ever

Am I a girl?

Or a boy?

Mummy says I'm a girl.

Mummy won't believe me when I tell her that I feel like a boy.

Me,

Now,

A boy?

I wanna be a boy.

I am a boy.

A short,

Feminine,

Transgender,

Boy.

I'm not a girl.

Is Robin a girl's name?

My name has been Robin ever since I was born.

Mummy says that only girls' names are pretty,

that only girls wear makeup,

that only girls wear dresses and skirts,

I don't like that.

I don't like wearing them either.

My name isn't pretty.

I am a boy.

I am a boy.

haven’t felt this one in a while.

Please... don't find me.

I want to keep my hole to myself

who he visits at least once a week,


we drop him off, we pick him up.


he gets picked up, he gets dropped off.


the girl,


short with bangs.

long straight black hair.


young love they call it.

Where is home?

What is home?

Where in the ******* world would make me feel at home?

Nowhere.

Just, please.

I want to feel at home for once.

To feel as if I won't get beat.

To feel like I can walk in and be fed.

i wanna be in your arms

in your hoodie

snuggled up tight with you by my side


cuddling


small i love yous before we fall asleep


in each other’s arm



is that too much to ask?

how does someone tell the authorities that their father is abusive without getting said father arrested

How could I forget the first time I met you?

How could I forget you?

I can't.

I don't

and I won't.

it’s scaring me

why should i ask you if you’re okay if you’re already- probably- talking to him.


i thought you said you trusted me more than him

that i was here longer than him


i’ve known you longer than him

so why am i being pushed away?

the aftermath of a break up: stage 2

and now i don’t know where you are.

so you've been thinking about it?

great!

ive been thinking about it too.


for 3 years.


i dont say anything because i know you dont like me like that.


i know you dont

so dont lie.



i-


things would change though.

id be able to call you my gf.

my everything.


these moments we share,

could be our moments.

our memories.



but.


they arent :)