Sometimes the weight of your own mistakes will be too much.
     You’ll bend further than you thought you could
        And sometimes,
           You will break.

2. Sometimes it’s the sting of someone else’s mistakes
          That hits you like a punch to the face
              And you’ll sit, trying to soothe your wounds
                   Wondering what you did wrong.

3. No one ever tells you there will be times
          You feel guilty for being happy
                                                 Don’t.

4. A knife to the heart will usually hurt more
           Than a knife to the back.
                 But, sometimes, if the aim is right
                                 They’re the same thing.

My dear, my dear, my dear,
Say you are not afraid;
Say it so loud
That the doves in your body
Stop fluttering their wings,
So that you feel still
For one moment.
Sigh like a pack of wolves;
Dangerous in the right situations
But mostly more afraid of them
Than they are of you.
You worry that everyone
Reads what you are thinking
By the way your
Face colours itself
Like a sunset,
By the way the light fades
Out of you, slowly.
Close your eyes,
Steady the thrumming
In your chest
You are not afraid
You are not afraid
You are not afraid
Anymore

In this electric moment of sanity
I see everything as it is
I see the reality of things
With the beautiful haze stripped away
And when I blink, it is still there

I don’t know if the air I’m breathing
Is the same air that surrounded me
A moment ago, but it feels different
I feel heavier, like every step
Makes footprints in concrete

If I close my eyes for long enough
Sometimes it will go away
This clarity, this unrelenting realism
Maybe I’ll feel lighter again
If I close my eyes tight and think of flying

Tomorrow,  like a distant sun
That you are hurtling towards
Only to find that when you get there
It’s not as hot as you imagined
Sometimes it’s burnt out
And the light you see is the echo
Of a million miles of your own false hope

Suns burn out slowly though
You could still have time to find your tomorrow
But you cannot move at the speed of light
Weighed down as you are by doubt
Dreaming is not moving forward
You cannot distinguish ground from sky
With your eyes closed
Stop dreaming, open your eyes
Find that dying light
And hold on.

Stop.
The trees are sinking
As the ground grows mouths to swallow them
Keep your head held high
No, actually, don’t
Heads held high are often cut off
Stay low, keep to the shadows
NOT THOSE SHADOWS! Those ones, over there.
Yes. Don’t move. Don’t ever move again.
Question your existence as you huddle
Trying to be still but shivering despite yourself
There are no mouths here, nothing to swallow you
And isn’t that a shame?
Find the teeth that will crush you
Throw yourself on their unyielding edges
Accept your fate. Everyone else has.
Can’t you see that?
Can’t you hear it in the empty echo of your voice
As you call for help, for company, for a face, any face?
Stop. You are dreaming this.
Oh you are still alone, we all are
But there are no gnashing teeth to grind you up
No mouths in the ground to swallow you whole
Breathe. Relax. It’s all okay. It’s all okay.
Everything will be okay if you let it.
Will you let it? Do you need to be convinced?
Stop. You are dreaming, you are dreaming.
Wake up. Why can’t you wake up?
The ground is opening up again
This is too real to be a dream
All you can do is cry soundlessly into the dark
Stop.
Stop.
Stop.

We scraped our fingers over the ashes of our youth
Trying to gather all the pieces we left behind
Running toward the future
Carefully going crazy
Over every word we've ever said
Futilely grasping at every memory stripped away
Nostalgia is just a word
For memories we have yet to tarnish,
And people we didn't know we could lose.

This is where the ash on your tongue
Is sweeter than the blood on your hands
Even if they both mean the same thing
And these wolves with their sharp teeth and red tongues
are eating you alive but still you want to love them
They can’t help their nature
Any more than you can help your own
You are made of regret and grief
But you bite the hand that comforts you
Because you don’t know any other way
Because what are you without your pain?

The wolves are circling
And though were raised by them
You don’t recognize them as family now
And they certainly don’t recognize you
But still you want to love them
You take every bite, every drop of blood drawn
And tell yourself that this is what you deserve
Tell yourself you can never really go home.