This is not the first time nor the last
That fear spins inside of you
Making carnival rides of your insides
It is not the first time, no
But it will always feel that way.
As the bottom drops out from under you
Down is the only way to go
And your heart sticks in the back of your throat
Like the last time, and the time before
But you can’t remember surviving those falls either
Not really, you only know that the ground has shifted
And You are suspended in the air, waiting to drop
Struggling to get air into your faltering lungs
And never remembering the last time you survived.

This is echoing forever
Footsteps in silent halls
Shattered glass on fresh turned earth

The first mark on freshly painted walls
Nothing stays new forever
List the ways innocence sours

Nightmares are dreams turned inside out
Shadowed hands plucking flesh from bone
What is hell but this and only this?

Forever echoing footsteps
In halls that were never silent
Nothing perfect stays that way.

I remember the way your eyes wanted to open, When you were still asleep
the rough taste of whiskey on my tongue smoke filtering in from the open window
I am  not dreaming now but maybe I was, once.
Maybe I could find that dream again
the one where we were incandescent, eyes lit up like supernovas,
and great wings sat heavy on our shoulders
but that dream is gone.
That dream was a lie.
It never existed.
You never existed.
Do maybe I am not here, maybe I am the imagining of some poor soul
Cursed to see this mundane spectre
This ghost of someone who was never really here in the first place.
But for now I sleep, I sleep and dream of things, indescribable
Things I cannot remember, things I do not want to remember
I open my eyes to the morning feel my muscles stretch
See my fingers silhouetted in the bright light streaming from behind sheer curtains
Yes, I am here, I am real, I exist
For now.

Like a ghost inside my own skin
Fading in and out
Like bad radio reception
The static cuts in
When I try to speak

and I’m yelling at you
Telling my secrets
Over broken radio waves
I could tell you anything
And you wouldn’t hear it anyway
But it’s safe this way, isn’t it?

I am cutting out
You are searching
For something better
To listen to
But you can’t find it
Can you?

There are terrible secrets
Hidden in the curve of your lips
Your sins pushing against your teeth
And still, I can’t help but see
That they aren’t all you are
My own sins crowd my throat
Choking me, making me pay a debt
Of penance that will never be settled
Do any of us really
Deserve to be saved?
I don’t know, but then in the end
That’s really not up to us, is it?

We bleed, and fight, and suffer
For what? A world that doesn’t care?
A world that can’t see
The black creeping in at the edges
We aren’t heroes, never were  
we are damage control
We are “This won’t happen again”
We are sorry it happened at all
But we are here to pick up pieces
Not to stop things from breaking
If you knew what we knew
You wouldn’t thank us for saving you
You’d run as fast as you could
In the opposite direction
And no one would blame you.

I am not bright light
I am bone and shadow
My eyes dark spots
On a too white page
I am dreams too hollow
To mean anything
Nightmares Clawing
Under the surface
Threatening escape
I am unafraid
But I am not brave
I am brave
When I am afraid
I fear everything
So I fear nothing
I am not Brave
I am necessary
Monotony
Blank and numb
I am cold ashes
On your tongue
I am what remains
Of a fire so hot
It burned away
The Sun.

You turn heel and run
While the world
Snaps at the soles of your feet
Trying to take you down

So you run
Faster and further
Than ever before
Your lungs burn
You run

Your flesh and bones
Are not a cage
But they will slow you down
But what are limits
But rules meant to be

Broken.