I'll be able to go back
To that beach
To that moment
Where life had meaning
My future had a value
Someday..
I'll feel the waves caress my skin
I'll taste the breeze
Chase shadow of every seagull
Witness that sunset in her eyes
someday huh
Every dreamer has to dream
Someday
I'll know why she called herself a mother
I'll know why she couldn't say no
Hopefully my hatred will die with her
All I know is I miss the things so far out of reach
I linger on those that bother me
Watch as everything crawls under my skin
I want to go back to that beach
Scratch my head
Ponder on everything familiar
Wonder about everything I'll learn

You look in the mirror
Comb your hair
Say you're ****
Blow your reflection a kiss
Sit down at your desk and begin to write
"I'm **** for all the right reasons
Woman love me
I love myself
The world is pathetic
But I'm the reason the sun shines"
You're a poet
From what you tell yourself
Well my fellow "poet"
You're a narcissistic poet
With everything going against you
You should be more like me
Call yourself pathetic
Become your very own critic
Degrade yourself regularly
Sure it makes you depressed but for all the right reasons
You become better
Influencing yourself to be better
Without the knowledge that it's happening
Don't be a narcissistic poet
Be the poet that the world actually will like

I loved you
But you left me
You had other seeds to sow
You packed your bags
And said
“goodbye It's for the best, you know”

But you never
Actually managed
To leave the house and go
You're still buried
in the garden
Cos i killed you with a ***

30th April 2017

You're my sunlight in my darkness
The rainbow in my rain
The snow on distant mountains  
We'll go walking there again

You're the apple in my apple pie.
You're the raisins in my scone.
When I'm with you it seems to me
that one and one is one

March 2017 and sometine 1985ish

The house
stands open to the weather.
Walls cracked;
roof collapsing
A mildewed teddy bear
moulders
in the crumbling fireplace.

Woodwormed floorboards;
rotting stairs.
Glass in the windows
shattered
like broken dreams
and everywhere
the sour smell
of regret
and lost ambition.

10th February 2017

Overcast and gloom
Completely colorless
In utter helplessness
Suffocated in clouds of black
Nights I lay restless
Days I feel reckless
I wish I could go back
To when smiles were genuine
To when yellows and pinks
Supressed blues and greys
An internal storm is stirring
From darkness and dolour
Cheers to the day I see colour

Life’s ending is short,
  its beginning unknown

The middle is long,
  chasing stone after stone

Memories most vivid,
  from decades ago

Feelings now drifting,
  like wind driven snow

Our seconds tick off,
  as minutes run down

The big picture fades,
  tracks left on the ground

Beginning or ending,
  the next step unclear

The last cut the deepest,
—to suture or sear

(Villanova Pennsylvania: April, 2017)

A light that once glistened
Fade paler to dim
A love that once glowed
Sent ashes to wind
Some surprises arrive
Not wrapped as a gift
On the seas of harshness
A heart set adrift

i have been in this boat before
just going with the flow
not contemplating the course ahead
blissfully swaying with you

then the stream rocks a little louder
and we, exhilarated by its motion
invite its all consuming power
raging with the rivers of passion

we cascade with the water
not realizing we've reached the edge
and we fall.... deep and hard
along the way you let go of my hand

i wake in the dark, cold and alone
shimmer of light overhead
blurred by my tears
heartbroken I claw myself out;
out of this well of despair