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I don't think, sometimes
     before, or after, I speak.
And I'm only thinking now,
after hours of antagonizing myself,
and I know we'll have to speak,
maybe today or tomorrow,
but I think I deserve
for you to think sometimes as well.
I really hate being sorry when I'm not
and I really hate saying I love you
just so you can stare offfffffff
and ignore me.
And I really hate the
insinuations and suggestions
that your cold shoulders, sighs, and apathy send me
so that I do think, sometimes
       before, or after, you speak,
that maybe you don't care for my company
quite as much as I care for yours
       even if I know that's not true <3
 Jul 2014 elizabeth capital
AB
Go
 Jul 2014 elizabeth capital
AB
Go
Running
Trying to move faster
To get away.
To put distance in between
Me and you.

Trying with all my might
To not be there anymore.
Legs pumping
Arms moving
Sweat dripping
I just want to get away.

But you're everywhere
Every place I look.
In everything I do.
In all the parts of my life.
And the horrible thing is

You can only run so fast in your head.
I'm not perfect.
I can't be perfected.
I can't be perfect for you.
There's no way for me to be perfect.
I'm me so I know this.
There's not a bit of perfection in me.
The sky
with all of its calamity still shows its rage
Just like I

There's a storm brewing somewhere out there
While I stay stuck here
Unable to move.
Mind completely blank,
all thoughts have left me.
No thoughts equals no words,
no words equals no poems.
No sonnets, no haikus,
NOT EVEN FIVE WORDS!!
I hate not having anything to think about.
I blame summer for this.
Jealousy crept upon me
like a poisonous acid
I didn’t like it, but I couldn’t help it too.

All that friendship and love
destroyed in second
just because of a tiny grudge?

I couldn’t understand it
and neither could anyone else
why was I so irritated?
why was I so rude?
everything was crude.

I knew I was causing a hard time for her
but I simply couldn’t stop,
whenever I saw that overly perfect face
My body somehow conjured extreme hate.

She wasn’t the problem, it was I,
I, a person who didn’t feel good enough
for the world, for my love
this feeling of despise was spread from my feet to my scruff.

Alas, I still haven’t gotten rid of this feeling
and inside me, my heart it is peeling
Maybe she won’t remain so perfect anymore?
or maybe I will turn sore? who knows.
Life is like spinning...
Your moving fast, and think your in control but all of a sudden
you stop
and things get wobbly....
Then you fall.
The question in life though....
Is when do you stop?
When do you fall?
When I stand on the edge of the cliff looking out on the sea
doubt disappears,
everything clears and the future extends far beyond the tips of my fingers which always point the way to home,
and home is the resting place.
The cliff is just a launching pad,a space for me, to stand, reflect,inspect the ravage done by one more day of being on the edge,always looking out,looking in,more damaging,a massaging would not go amiss,instead I blow a kiss to the onshore breeze.
Times like these times two and still I wonder what or who stands on the other side,
I wonder too, who stands and wonders,who else but could it be,is there only this and me,
strange philosophy
I stand looking out to sea
on the cliff
cold and stiff
wondering if
the sun will ever shine.
Often times I feel disconnected to reality,
Like I am there physically
But mentally I am not.
I am fully aware of my surrounding,
I am fully aware of people passing by,
It just feels like a complete blur.
Sometimes, people talk to me,
I listen,
But my mind wanders somewhere else.
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