Sometimes I wish I could

Pull the child who lives inside of me

Out,

Dress her wounds

Kiss her bruises

And embrace her in my arms

So,

She knows that one day

She will be

Loved

That is my biggest weapon, I am completely outrageously, beautifully, terrifyingly mad.

How did I get here? I have un buttoned my chest and unfolded my lungs presenting them to you. Hoping maybe you would help me breathe easy. I’m so tired of having to fight all the time, for the things I want, and the things I don’t want. I’m so tired, sometime I cry when I wake up.

How could anyone ever love something as easy as me? Yes, I suppose I am easy, I believe everything I am told with hopeful eyes, I see everything covered in gold and hold anything as a treasure. I do not know if that makes me wealthier or not.

I wish I knew what making love felt like,
if anyone knows that at all. I keep dreaming that I see him again.
But in my dream when I held him we merged into one being,
and I wept or he wept but I left him there because I wanted something new,
Something that didn’t feel so beautifully harmful. But would you listen to me I'm lying.

I do not want simplicity,
I have never wanted simplicity ,
I will never be simplicity
please, please, please fall in love with me.
There will always be more to see, things to find and uncover and I will make you eternal, turn you into ink and paper, make your existence tangible. You believe you know the meaning of life for there is none, but I disagree. The only meaning is to take something incomplete and turn it into something worth its content.

I am humiliated, my insides flooding out of me,
melting from my inside out. Just like the night light I had on my bed side ad a child,
the one that started melting night after night with my parent’s fight after fight. I did not want to sleep anymore,
if I didn’t sleep it didn’t melt and we would never have left.
I do not sleep.
please do not humiliate me.

Do not sow my chest to your feet and drag me into you our bed sheet where you unbutton your chest and lay within someone else’s. Be careful, I am easy.
Easy enough to love anything but easy enough to destroy anything too. That is my biggest weapon, I am completely, outrageously, beautifully, terrifyingly mad.
mad mad mad mad mad and loving.
That is my biggest weapon, I am completely outrageously, beautifully, terrifyingly mad.

There is nothing wrong with imitating who you respect
but don't go too far in that in order not to be a copy of him/her.
I realised that knowing the true identity isn't by achieving
everything or becoming perfect, becoming someone but
it's knowing what you can or can't do.
It's by being able to forgive yourself.
It's by knowing who you call family.
It's by loving someone truly, utterly
without narcissistic delusions.