It started in the burning starlight




There was nothing in me. I was new and everything was naked.

Memories carry with them the heavy weight of another dimension.

Manipulate

He put the tape over her mouth. And I shouted mom's name. “mom”

My lips go dark. Silver and stuck. My face is small. Only one piece of tape for nose and mouth.

Manipulate

Every window bursts open and the anger creeps in.

Little  brown eyes go black. My body falls and the room siezes. Each frame of the shot vibrating, camera lens cracks and breaks.

My eyes are new, in a big brown body, with strong arms and fast feet.

MANIPULATE

fist for fist. Tape peeled back by revenge. And nothing sleeps right.




Somewhere else there are stars and you don't have to live




Could I be so naive...memories slipping through my fingers like pebbles. Through my tired, fading fingers.


Destroy

I feel breath. Whispers remind you that you cant be persuaded. Hands remind you that you can't fight back.

His lips making shapes in the dark, undoing buttons on child sized jeans.

Destroy

Overzealous heroes charge in and their fists build walls of bruises around would be abusers.

Maybe they save others...maybe overzealous heroes burn it all away.

DESTROY

And then no one gets hurt. Because nothing exists when it's ashes and bone.

But who am I if I believe memories can disappear…

If I refuse to accept the way they lurk in the shadows of my skull.

If I refuse to acknowledge them they grow.



Sunswept, copper sky. The moon sits waiting at the edge of the horizon



There he is. Big brown body like nothing id ever hoped.

Moving in and they can't see.

Repair

I feel comfort. Longing for that in my own skin.

I feel safe. Longing for that in my self.

Repair

Parents stinging child. Words biting the neck.

Poison lingering in veins. In memories.

REPAIR

But it's okay. He says he's been here before. Savior of the nightmares, i know him.

I sit in the backseat alone, waiting for the conversation to end. English to Spanish. My weight. I'm too big for someone so little.

He rubs my head and says it doesn't matter.

The hand is light and rough. Thick. Familiar and strange.

How could I become him...how could I be so incomplete.



It ended with the scorching moonlight

I think of the days
That I woke in those cardboard beds
Not knowing how I’d gotten there
The nurse’s pity filled stares
Burnt a hole in my chest
I remember
What that lump in my throat was made of
Something bitter
Something cruel
Guilt
I felt guilty
Not for consuming
The drugs
The drinks
The pills
I felt guilty for wasting their time.

I was angry at the list,
Of disorders I supposedly had
I hadn’t known at the time
The list would grow
Like the weeds in my garden
Infesting my life
And like a daisy
My petals would droop
Then wilt
Then rot
Until I was nothing more
Than an ugly stem

I was lost in a Forrest
For some time, I was worried
What would come of the night.
My life in the clutches of primal
Prophet's scribbles on stone walls
Still depictions patiently awaiting their turn to become more than
Rainbows spread across clay

The sweet hymns of the
Wind, singing nymphs with
Dresses of daisy vines and
There, my eyes beheld The
Satyr, I see you Pan, dancing
With witches 'round the flames
Licking the sky with your flute
Whispering secrets to the galaxies.

My heart skipped as I
Came upon Thy five pointed
Medallion made of silver
Sparks in your gaze striking
Something ablaze in me
Mighty Beast, breathe and
Release the wild into The
Treacherous woods again.

The first word that comes to mind is infatuation.
We connect.
Plan and simple.
It's romantic type notion.
I admit I've tried to forget.
Yet the more I recall.
The more I acknowledge that what I felt and feel as true.
I look forward to find myself looking right at you.
I look left to find myself right back at the same circumstance.
Nothing fills my mind.
My time quite like you do.
I thought selfconsciously soon I'll forget.
But the more I try, the more I find myself torn.
I do the exact opposite.
It's not at all intrusive.
In fact I welcome it.
From time to time.
I've allowed complete and utter surrender.
As it's the only time I see you.
Your smile.
Your insight to aspiration.
I've pushed you to where I've always seen you.
And physically it's killing me.
Your well being is all I think about.
The time it took to admit time is but a stepping stone.
And we but mere moments.
I tell myself time and time again
Let go.
But the only thing missing is validity.
Moderation competes with repetition.
I can only distract myself so long until your thought arrives.
Never to leave;
A pattern expressed in pure emotion.
A scar left unhealed.
Out of the sincerity left undone.
My heart ponders.
And for a breif second I am happy.
Perhaps happier than I have ever been.
A familiar song that hoops and hollers down a familiar street.
A familiar face in an unfamiliar place.
Rationally you've revealed a part of me that I never wanted to let go.
The possibility of what if.
A glimpse of an familiar face.
If only in thought.
The memory of exploring an unknown place and loving every minute of it