I don’t know how
To make my mistakes
Into something beautiful.
I only see them
As ugly scars
That mark my skin,
Like a roadmap
Of all my failures.
I’m all or nothing
And it’s dangerous.
If something’s wrong
I want to change it all
Not just the one thing.
I want to light a match
Burn the world to the ground
And start again.
A new canvas,
With freshly poured paint.
I destroy works of art
With a simple press of a key
Then I lose all hope
And abandon the idea all together.
Leaving it to shrivel
And die.
This is what I’m good at.

I’m standing here
Naked and bare
To you
And to the world.
I haven’t been ready.
I’ve been dancing in meadows
With my eyes shut tight
And covering myself
In hand-me-down clothes.
But I’m not dancing anymore.
I’ve shed the scraps
Of ripped up cloth
And my skin
Along with them.
My eyes are open.
I’m listening now.
I’m ready to see
What you have
To show me.
I’m ready to hear
What you have
To tell me.

A slow fall,
A skydiver
Without a parachute.
A straight plunge,
A meteorite
Crashing to the ground
Engulfed in flames.
What will it be,
This time around?
Will it drag me down slowly,
And force me to watch
My own self destruction?
Will it grab on
And force me down
In a moment
That’s faster than a blink?
So abrupt,
That it takes me a moment
To understand
Exactly what happened
When I wake up
Surrounded by the wreckage?

I’ve been here before.
I know how this story ends.
I know you will destroy me
And I know
How pointless it is
To try and fight.
I am powerless
In the face
Of my own emotions.
They are a poison
That is slowing killing me
From within.
They leave me sprawled out,
Feeling paralyzed and numb.
The only hope I have
Is maybe you
Will **** me fast
Instead of drawing out
My inevitable demise.

I thought your heart
Still beat in time with mine
But the last rose
From the bouquet you gave me
Was wilted and dying.
I ignored the signs.
I ignored the sound
Of your heart
Finding a new rhythm —
It’s own rhythm.
Our story is over.
The song has elapsed,
The curtain has fallen,
The book has been closed
And you are gone.
Moved on.
Intrigued by something —
By someone —
New.
Now I’m alone
And I feel
...nothing.

I haven’t slept
Because I keep having dreams
Of people I’d rather not see.
So here I am
At 2AM,
Completely exhausted,
And scared
Of the one thing
That used to comfort me.

The room spins
And my head feels
Disconnected.
I’m falling to the ground,
Through the ground.
My world shatters around me
And I watch
As the pieces of me
Drift too close to the sun
And burn.
Like Icarus with his wings,
They melt away into nothing
And I’m left falling.
I have nothing to hold onto
And no ground to keep me steady.
All I can do is fall.
Fall into nothingness
And be swallowed whole
By the void.