you were forced at a young age to remove the rose-colored glasses
the ones that blur your vision of all negative things
forced to see the world for what it truly is through ocean eyes
at an age where you weren't ready
and because of this you've fallen deep into the void within yourself
surrounded by what you think is eternal darkness
your heart has fallen deep into the pits of your stomach
you look at what you don't think can ever be mended
and you've lost sight of love
you were a dealt a hand with many low cards
but you are so much more than the things surrounding you
you see the world in full color instead of black and white
and now you're discouraged, but why?
do you not see those stars in your eyes shining ever so brightly?
you think you are trapped in eternal darkness
what you do not realize is that you're a phoenix rising from the ashes
creating constellations with every breath you take
you're leaving your mark on this world with everything you write
providing hope for everyone in sight
you are so much stronger than you believe
you were created directly from the core of the earth
your bones made from iron and nickel
a creation of the universe
you've got stardust flowing through your veins
and electricity in your hands
you are so much more than you think
you are loved more than you believe
your cards may not have been kings and queens
but you're building universes with what you have
and that makes you extraordinary

tonight, i lay in bed with my lover
legs tangled up together
feeling every breath he takes with the rise and fall of his chest
and i listen to the beat of his heart
telling me that this is forever

but what is forever and how long is it actually?
8 months? 10 years?
where will it take us?
an apartment complex with no AC but a love so endearing?
or a big house somewhere as we watch our kids play in the front yard?
or maybe just until morning
for when the sun rises you'll decide this isn't what you wanted
just capture the moment
right here, right now
because maybe forever only lives on in photographs
of things bound to be forgotten

all i know is that in this bed of memories is where i want to stay until i am nothing but dust and bones. and maybe flowers will grow from the ashes in honor of the love we share, resembling the hopes of forever. for maybe the bodies we inhabit won't live forever but the memories of the life we lived and the loved that lived within us will.

this time last year
i was a completely different person
i had a heart depleted of hope
and eyes filled with dark matter
all life was lost

this time last year
i left a relationship that was destroying me
a relationship that was grinding my bones into dust
just for amusement
just to see how far i could be pushed
until i would crumble

this time last year
i felt like dying
i felt like disappearing
running from this small town
to a place where no one knew my name

this time last year
i started meaning something to someone
someone who wasn't myself
and once again my world began turning

this time last year
i was at the lowest i had been in a long time
but i was also at my highest
a walking paradox
my body felt dead
but my soul was still breathing

and because of this time last year
and the people who started caring
i am here today
365 days later

eighteen, the year i fell in love and started writing again
the year i wore my heart on my sleeve
the year i was a little more reckless
and a lot more free

i use to hate the color green but soon it was my favorite
because his eyes were a dream
our love was fleeting because of me
3000 miles and a broken heart
i never got to make him feel like pure art

everything is so much sweeter in the dark
love affairs in your car
we gazed up at the stars
and hazel eyes made their way back into my heart
from seven years
to a broken heart
and now, a fresh start

eighteen
it was filled with
love, lust, and many memories
poetry, playlists, and many dreams
eighteen was lovely

there are so many who don't even have to try
born to be social butterflies
they've got friday night hearts
and party light eyes
crafted from pure sunshine
their words are glitter laced
and their smiles warm and inviting
born with swift tongues
and dancing feet

then there are those
born to the world of nature and art
they've got sunday morning hearts
and stars in their eyes
crafted from pure moonlight
their words laced with daisies and moonflowers
crooked smiles and rosy cheeks
born with clumsy tongues
and two left feet

- so, which are you? a soul crafted by the sun or the moon?

i use to highlight all of my favorite parts
of every single poetry book i ever read
covering the lines in neon yellow
notes scribbled on the side
of how a certain line made my heart drop
i use to doggy ear the pages
of my most favorite poems
or just so i wouldn't lose my spot
but you hated the splatters of neon yellow
and the scribbles of intimacy on the side
you disliked my folding of the corners
it was silly to leave my mark on a book
that wasn't even mine
no longer does neon yellow ink trace my favorite lines
pages are free from crinkled corners
and notes about the way the artful lines
made my heart do flips
and made my eyes drip
just black and white pages
no trace that i have ever been there
for now
i feel everything in silence
you made me silent

i am not the person you left behind anymore
i have new favorite songs, new bad habits, a new favorite color
my hair is different, my heart is different, my soul is different
the scars on my heart are now stars
i am shining brighter than ever
the freckles covering my skin are a map of my future and my past
i am lighter than ever
my smile tells stories of the places i've been
i am happier than ever
i'm not the person you left behind anymore
remanence of the past still lingers
but there is no one left here to miss