Am I the only one
That loves others this much?
This instantly?
This intensely

I miss the days when we were young
And inseparable.
Friendships meant more.

I feel like I never grew out of those friendships
But they grew out of me.

All I want is for someone to text me all the time,
Invite me out all the time,
Just want to be in my presence and hang out.
Is this selfish?

I give and I give.
Until there's nothing left
But the wondering if I'm even
A good friend to have.

I have all these pictures
Of us smiling,
But I didn't know
They would be the only ones.

You accepted me for who I was,
I loved all your flaws,
We were inseparable
Together, we took on our teenage years.

We had dreams
To escape an inescapable town
And avoid unavoidable futures
But I'm the only one that left.

You stayed behind
Though I begged you not to
And shunned me for my desire
To grow.

We were supposed to grow
Old together
But instead we grew
A    p   a    r   t     together.

They tell me I look tired.
"Did you get enough sleep?"
"Yes".
(No).

The exhaustion I feel,
Masked with a smile.
Fake enthusiasm
Hides my haunted gaze.

They'll never know
The nightmare that terrorized me
Only to wake in the arms of my love
Broken.

Meditation, medication
It doesn't make a difference.
I wake from a fitful 8 hours
With jaw pain and a foggy mind.

Then put on a smile
As a part of my outfit.
And try to pretend that I didn't
Cry myself awake.

The past few years have been nothing
But getting pushed down
And somehow standing back up.
I don't know how I do it, really.

It's like a never-ending storm
And I don't have a raincoat.
But walking along, soaking wet
Is soothing now.

Even when thoughts of death
Clouded my vision
And I sought help
I was turned down.

How did I survive?

I'm here,
I'm alive,
I'm trying to live my best life
I'm trying to be the best version of "me".

That's all any of us can do, right?

So I brush the dirt from my knees,
Wipe my hands on my pants
And continue about my day.