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This the object most fragile,
And most adhering.
Knows no wisdom.
The effort to be invisible,
Yet even the blind can see.
Ensnares the owner in agony.
One word,
One glance,
One touch,
One breath,
One second to make it bleed,
To make it shatter.
Sanity and all rationality dissipate.
Trust it never.
Betrayal.
Impulsive.
Self-destructive.
Although strength may grow,
It is stifled by weakness and shadow.
Doubt ever deepens,
Hope ever fades.
Passion so intense,
Extinguish this desire.
The sharp and searing pain,
Still feels so… dull.
Silence so loud,
Gives rise to insanity.
Too arrogant and self-righteous
To ever learn from past mistakes
And confines destiny.
A fog envelops the mind
Lost in a shroud,
No map, no memory.
Faded by time,
Devoid of all beauty.
The greatest joy unreachable.
Fate has written that it will never be.
It is impossible, a tragedy really.
It is futile to cling to something so fictitious.
The world fades away.
White.
Bleeds so easily.
Red.
The void set free
As vast as the sky.
Black.
In the agony,
The loneliness,
The hopelessness,
I diminish until I become lost
Even unto all memory
And I wander into oblivion.
Forever I remain in solitude.
The yearning to sleep,
Insomnia clutches me.
Yet
I can only blame myself.
Your ignorance is my bliss.
Even if you are unaware,
I still give you the power, the key that imprisons me.
This ability is captivating.
So return my freedom!
But you have no control.
In reality, neither do I.
You will gradually forget,
But I can never shut you out.
I am locked away in this cage I have crafted for myself.
I chose to stay
So you may remain free,
Unburdened by me.
My conviction is great.
I am so trapped that
Not even my imagination can give me liberty.
In fact the deeper I delve,
The more I sink.
Fragile molten crystals
Flood me like a bursting dam
They bear everything I dare not place on you.
I will suffer this internal hell
And maybe I can be happy to some degree
Even for just a little while…
Instead of not at all.
This poem was inspired by my past (and current) crush(es) and in their ignorance of my liking them, I wouldn't have to suffer heartbreak again and I would rather just be friends for as long as it can last then not have that chance at all
Give me the courage to speak,
The confidence to act,
The wisdom to understand,
The hope that can lift my heart of stone and ice.
Thaw it.
Break it.
Pry it open.
Rid the waste that has tainted it.
Let it flow rivers of gold again.

But sometimes a hardened heart isn’t so bad...
It cannot bleed,
It cannot shatter.
It will protect me from my suffering.
It will make me stronger.
Even if that requires becoming a bit more bitter.
Time slows down
One minute the equivalent of an hour,
One hour seems like a day,
One week is an eternity.
My brain drains my body’s vitality.
No matter how much I sleep,
I cannot live in reality.
The circumstances of life sweep over me.
I am a rock at the bottom of a river,
Just watching the water flow by.
So fast,
So smooth.
I’m stuck.
This weighs me down.
One affair can bind my mind
As a mother wraps a frightened child.
But
It shrouds me in fear and uncertainty
It kills so slowly
That it seems as if nothing is happening.
It’s grasp is strong
As if it is a starving predator holding onto it’s prey.
It feeds on my existence
And it can never be satisfied.
I don't think this piece is done so I will probably edit it sometime in the future
Ignorance is such a beautiful thing,
But oh how toxic it can be.
You poisoned my mind with words of beauty,
Songs of joy my heart did sing,
But now that I know the truth,
Your reputation has been tainted.
How perfect a picture of deceit you painted.
Your behavior is (for a lack of a better word) uncouth.
Some warned that trusting you would be unwise,
But an underlying dissonant chord grew.
Maybe deep down I always knew,
But you spout such symphonious lies.
You devoured my helplessness in a bite so vicious,
But I wanted to live in my reverie,
I didn’t believe the tales of your devilry.
To my morality I’ve become oblivious.
My rationality has become a hindrance.
How can I be wrong if I did not know?
The only thing now (even as it seems impossible) is to let go,
But never will I forget the beauty of my ignorance.
For D & J
The angel of death follows me like a loyal dog,
Slowly claiming more and more of me,
Disguised with the faces of people I know.
I don't know if I want to keep just this or add on to it, but I just really wanted to post it
In my eyes
Is the intensity of a thousand suns,
That burns with an undying passion.
They give me away;
Brutally honest traitors.
They cannot hide the brokenness in me.
But only through these windows can true happiness shine through.
They can be as hard as steel and as cold as ice,
Or a pastel sunset soft and bright.
They can be clear and vitalizing one moment,
And the next glassy and seemingly lifeless.
I might probably edit this one a bit too..
The world gets quieter.
It gets darker.
The hot, salty tears sting my eyes and burn my cheeks.
What is going on?
Am I dying…?
I start to choke.
My lungs shrink, pleading for one more breath.
I am desperate to scream.
But it feels as if someone has stolen my voice.
I am disoriented.
I don’t know what’s up or down or left or right.
Everything is spinning around me.
I cannot think.
My thoughts are fuzzy and lost.
My blood burns as if lava courses through my veins,
Yet I shake as if I were plunged into a freezing ocean.
I am drowning.
I sink deeper and deeper.
The pressure crushes my chest.
My hearts pounds like a war drum.
I am at war.
This is one of my daily battles.

But how do I achieve victory?
I am losing.
I am running out of strategies…
Life gets better - so much better that
you wouldn’t believe me if I told you
but before that happens
you’ll learn some lessons
some of them will be fun
others bitter medicine
swallow them though
they’ll make you strong

don’t beat yourself up so much
don’t put yourself down
you are actually pretty awesome
don’t obsess so much about being the best
the less you do that the better you’ll become
there is no such thing as “perfect”
but you will be excellent
you’ll be quite an overachiever – even when you don’t try!
You already know what you want to do
Not many 15 year olds have that kind of clarity!
You’re a rare, unique one – you’ll do exactly what you dream to do.

But there will be speed bumps
You’ll lose your way sometimes
and confused Gemini that you are-
you’ll always want both sides of everything
but you’ll figure that out eventually

you will never be as thin as you want to be
but you’ll learn to appreciate your body
just as it is
you’ll find you look beautiful when you smile

you’ll have a job you hate, and one that you love
you’ll do well in both-
much to other people’s envy
you’ll mostly have good bosses

you’ll never have a boyfriend, your marriage will be arranged
but you will find love-the love of a good man
who will stand by you even when things go wrong
he won’t at all be like the man of your dreams
but he will be exactly what you need-he’ll make you happy!

what I’m trying to tell you darling-
is that in ten years all the stuff you’re worrying about won’t matter
you’ll find new things to fuss over.
High school will be a distant land
That you would have left behind
The bullies who trouble you now
won’t be anywhere near

you’ll see that its okay
to be an introvert in an extraverted world
you’ll make a handful of super-friends
who you can trust and who care
and many acquaintances who don’t mind your company
but there will be some who you can’t trust
some who will take advantage of your kindness
ignore them and move on
there is more important stuff to take care of!

your writing will get better; you’ll be a super cook,
you’ll never like sports-stop trying to
its just not you!

in a few years time
you’ll be touching lives
and changing them for the better
you’ll be a teacher and a student
all at once
you’ll inspire and influence

so don’t give up on life yet-
don’t be so depressed
wear a smile and face the world
your life is going to be all set!

- Vijayalakshmi Harish
08.09.2012
Copyright © Vijayalakshmi Harish
this achy cold nighttime
brings about a sweet and terrifying loneliness
that rises with the moon
and the creaks in the walls remind me-
no one else is home

the problem with being an introvert
who suffers from anxiety
is that you're never sure what's worse-
being uncomfortably surrounded
or paranoid and alone
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