In a crocus bag, I remembered home.

The familiar flush of a Saturday’s work
we would fry some green plantains
and head to town.
Women with long, billowy skirts and red handkerchiefs wrapped around their heads line the street.
Some pumpkin, cho-cho, a bag of pimento seeds
carrots, Irish potatoes, scallion and a piece of thyme are bought
The threaded lines of blood, sweat and tears
bring home a bowl.

When there is no water to fill our basins and buckets,
we get up before the roosters.
To bathe, drink, wash, live
the assorted empty plastic containers get acquainted in the bag
on their way to the pipe.

A tablespoon of sugar for my fever grass tea
The zinc fence that cut a portal on my leg
A sip of Saturday’s soup
A container for other containers.

I am chasing this thing that
always
eludes me. In the day he openly
embraces Man.
See, they’ve known each other for centuries,
shoulder to shoulder,
unrelenting hand in unrelenting hand
as they dance betwixt the world of fantasy and pain.
A universe I know all too well.
A courtesy we could never have.

Matta still in my eyes, limbs sore from just being born,
naivete radiating from my skin.
I trail, inquire, plead—
he laughs in my face before evaporating
observe.

I have a plan.

I could forfeit my mind, let ambition and sense
seethe through my temples. Knees the color of
my behind from crawling through the mud.
Pungent fertilizer gathering underneath my nails
as I plant hibiscus, mint and poinciana in a Man’s
garden. My body falling apart and together at the
calloused hands of my oppressor.

There must be another way.

I turned to the sky,
they know us Women well.

Every thirty moons, I offer up a sacrifice.
Take this crimson sea between my anchors
that Mother ordained.
Take it and give us strength.

He eludes me still.

I fight and I protest
and I bawl and I break down
and I stand up and I smile
and I make love to anyone capable of loving.
I am still searching.
Tactile, hard and brown like an egg’s shell
you can’t see this soft, permeable mass
yet it lives, survives.
*But the chase is over.

I think God is calling me
Life is much too violent, too fleeting
to be walking without light
but it's not a soothing call
it's not dresses that cover my shoulders and knees
or hymns
or holy communion
It's not Mama waking me up to Milo and crackers
It is a command
that thundered within me
yet I heard it whispering to a part of me that I thought died years ago
A call to order
For me
From me

to my mother who never cared

i.  Thank you for becoming the woman
    you promised that you would never
    become.
ii. I never got all my stuff back, and
    I'm starting to lose myself in the
    stuffed animals and photographs
iii. i don't need you
    i don't need you
    i don't need you
iv. dad still cries and so do i but
     it's alright you never loved
     either of us anyways.
v.  thanks for forgetting my birthday
     and Christmas
     and that you gave birth to me
vi. i don't need you
     i don't need you
     i don't need you


     I don't need you.

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?

Or fester like a sore--
And then run?

Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

you and I are somewhat like a beat and a tune
so different but melodic together
and you are The Beat
I wanna wake up to your sound every day
bask in the vibration of your bass and feel it radiate through me
and you are harmonious, you arise everyday to provide the planet with warmth and unity
And I adore that
This tempo of yours burns like glittering stars
And I admire that
You are just fine by yourself but now I want us to be one
Don't elude me, we are meant to be together
Cause I'm something like The Tune
I am that hum enlightens the earth
and serves as a companion for all souls
but when I climb up to Heaven and I am being crooned by the gods
I realize I unify the whole world too
but I can't do it alone
See, the world wants to hear our cadence and I can't wait for the moment we touch and the sky shines gold with our song
One day while cruising the universe we will meet
cause sometimes I like to think of the beat and tune as lovers
Hypnotic, passionate equally but beautiful together
but there's a time they do catch up and they kiss
and the world stares in awe of their music