Sometimes I would hold the hand that broke me, expecting it to be a barricade between me and a vehicle.

Sometimes I got so scared of the monsters under my bed,
but I didn't realize that I crawled into bed with one, expecting it to stop the nightmares it caused in the first place.

Sometimes it kissed my finger when I got a paper cut,
but never once did it cool the tobacco kissed burns on my arm.
Sometimes it whispered "I love you" with the same lips that screamed "You're worthless!"

I remember when I hated everything about it but I still craved it to stay.
I remember when it left, but its presence still breaks my bones and cuts my skin.

I'm sorry is all I can repeat
As I sob with tears
welling in my glossy eyes
Burying my face between
my drenched sleeves
Gasping for air

Just wishing
To be anywhere
But here
To feel anything
But this
To be anyone
But me

Your arteries are like correlations
Possessing fragments of my brightest moments
Protruding right against your skin
And an abundance of my darkest thoughts
Crawling viciously through your lungs
Infecting your every breath
Just to fill the empty spaces
Between the blood that pulses through your veins
And the twisted bones that keep you straight

The craters in your wrists
Hold masquerades of celebratory pain
Where crisp and lifeless voices
Hum out screams of your trauma
Like meaningless smalltalk
As if you were a resemblance of the weather
Just another galactic disaster
While their idle hands of Devils play
Scrape knives along your spine
And feast formally from your flesh

months came and months went
I still felt trapped inside this tent.
I couldn't breathe and the walls were caving in on me.
I was drowning in the memories of us, and nobody could see my cuts.
I tried to rise above but I kept sinking down.

so I gave up, and I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I couldn't stay, but I need to go away.

I miss being happy
I miss being in love
I miss smiling
I miss waking up and not wishing I hadn't  
and most importantly,
I miss being me