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 Jan 2016 Kate Ballalatak
s
yesterday i asked
how the sunset looked
by you
and you replied that
it was "nothing special,
just blue"
and i couldn't help but wonder
if you've ever felt the same way
about me.
One day you'll wake up
And it will all make sense
Make sure to write that down
Because before long
Everything you are will wash away
back into confusion.
My head is saying walk away
My heart is saying stay, stay!

My head is saying what will be will be
My heart is saying please, love me

My head is saying all this will pass
My heart is saying I'm made of glass

My head is saying I don't need you
My heart is saying but I want you

My head is saying Vic get a grip!
My heart is saying

Watch out you'll slip
And fall into his arms
As soon as he turns on his charms
And drags you back into this hell
Where you'll be
Completely
Under his spell...


My head is saying Walk Away!
But still I stay
And pray
That perhaps
You'll change

One day......

(C) Pixievic 2016
He didn't - I walked!
somewhere out in cyberspace
there's a dark and hidden place
guns and drugs and twisted ways
and a picture of everyone's face

it's all there, and it's all free
there's stories about you and me
go a little deeper and you will see
pages of truth and misery
from Wikipedia - A darknet (or dark net) is an overlay network that can only be accessed with specific software, configurations, or authorization, often using non-standard communications protocols and ports. Use of darknets is motivated by hiding the content or even the existence of data and communication from competing business or government interests. The most widespread darknets are governmental and corporate intranets, the use of which is a standard security practice nowadays,[1] friend-to-friend[2] networks (usually used for file sharing with a peer-to-peer connection)[3] and privacy networks such as Tor.

It also contains a lot of info about people, illegal sites, and etc. It is said that the "surface web" is only 30% of the entire web.
I want something that I cannot have. I cannot have it because I don't truly know what it is. I've seen it polished and propped as if it were on display and I've heard the stories of how much time and effort it took to make it look as such. But I want it. I want love. I want the idea of it at least.
I want the fights brought about by events simpler and less important than the time we wasted to have them. I want to be pained by the sight of her pain and know that the feeling of knives piercing my chest when I see her cry is there because I would literally drive them there myself, if only to prevent her tears.
I want our laughs to intertwine over the smallest things and our conversations to stretch our minds over the biggest. I want to see you sleep at night and I'll smile because I know that you're finally at peace. And I want you to smile when you wake up because you know that I'm fighting to make your reality better than your dreams.
I want love. I want romantic love, I want crazy love. I want passion. I want to pick you up in my arms and in that brief present get lost in your presence. I want to be in you when I am in you and have you wish that I would stay forever. I want to be in your heart and mind, and I want our love to be torturous and blind.
I just want love. I want the idea of it at least.
 Jan 2016 Kate Ballalatak
enin
drowning in caffeine
breathing the nicotine
my blood cant circulate - your love will stimulate.
the ****** of death in **** will simulate
your touch , my need
as we spiral in to sin

separation , depression , paranoia
anxiety - the absence of my sleep
aggression , desperation
toxicity - of a drama we are in
discoloration - i can't control the spin

screams - muted by bitter pills
our dreams - induced by the  acid
capsuled lives - longing self destruction
your embrace - disconnection
release me from what is real

obsession - for what we cannot fix
frustration - for what we can't control
memories - of what we used to be
delusions - of what we could have been
isolation - thoughts of being free
now voices dictate what i should feel
digging through my skin - opening the wounds
put your fingers in

remembering the days when we held
an illusion no drugs could replicate
i can't forget.
exchanging promises of never letting go
was it all in my head?
i can't escape the hole.
i walk the road alone.
If only I were lonely
Maybe then you could hold me
Never looking for forever
Let us never lay together
Shared on Hello Poetry on January 22, 2016
Copywrite protected under Bianca Reyes
All rights reserved

Yada yada yada yay poetry!
I'll be like
Every other poet
And compare you
To the stars

Because you shine
So bright and
Very beautifully
Just like them

But you and
I both know
Behind that glow
You're dying inside
Written and shared on Hello Poetry on January 21, 2016
Copywrite and all rights reserved under Bianca Reyes
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