How lost must I get in order for you to come Find me?

Laying in bed wondering where I can find traces of what once was.
“It wasn’t supposed to end this way”
“You are one half of a memory whose other half was burnt away in a letter and washed away down the drain”
“what was your original configuration?”

1. (a) Static fills my red walls as you leave behind white noise with your lips slightly leaving the brim of my cheek. Ghost images of your body resurfacing in the darkness of loneliness. Sometimes I can hear your voice in the unsettling tick of my watch and you whisper violently that someone somewhere is disappointed in me.

2. Today’s secret ingredient is courage with a pinch of pride. My mother comes home from work and spends her evening cleaning the kitchen and pretending that her chest pains and cough with midst of blood are indicative of strong cleaning chemicals and not enough hydration.

2. (a) They keep telling me that I am to young to know what love is, that it’s foolish to be hopelessly romanticized. To live life one day at a time, if there were any other way to live. Or at least stumble across reasoning behind existing. Maybe there is a woman who lives one week at time, or perhaps by the way the hands of the clock move as seconds whisper into the numerical symbols idolized by towers and small wrist watches. Moments that can not be bothered by trivial remnants of day-to-day lessons. She is a big picture kind of gal who doesn’t wait patiently for stop signs to allow her to cross streets in the suburb jungle, She doesn’t avoid eye contact with people who look at her with bewildered eyes. Who drinks coffee in the morning with a strange french name and kisses with her eyes open.

2. (c) My little niece watched me through the window pane while I lied to my lover on the phone of why I couldn’t sleep in her bed anymore. My neighbors dog barked, tilted his head, and lied on the grass. When i hung up the phone and put my smoke out he runs back into the house as if the dark cloud over my head had broken off into a thunderstorm and drove him away.

I find the little pieces of you in everyone. I met a girl yesterday, her name starts with an L, like yours, and the girl I sat next to in Starbucks was reading your favourite book and the little kid I saw in the park today kinda laughs like you.

2. I heard drowning was a peaceful way to die but thoughts of you have been twisting around my arms and pulling me under and holy **** I can't breathe. Water is burning at my throat, and my eyes feel like they're being incinerated. Everything hurts. I'm falling deeper, I'm at my breaking point. My lover finds me thrashing around in bed screaming your name. Drowning is messy.

3. I asked you for a lighter to light my cigarette with since I misplaced mine. But instead you said a collection of words that set me on fire, and you watched me burn to the ground. You could've put me out. Why didn't you just ******* put me out?

4. I guess I didn't know what I was expecting. I know life is far from what the movies you love watching come to be, I know that I won't get the girl because I'm the guy whose loved her when she stopped altogether. I know that I won't get the chance to kiss you in the rain either, but I just didn't think I would get to watch you slip through my fingers and mistake you for someone to fall asleep to when I was lonely.

5. You were never into writing or anything, your favourite hobby was breaking my heart.

it's the third month without you and
we haven't spoken since that last night we spent together.
I am beginning to numb myself with alcohol;
trying to forget the pain you have caused me.
you took a piece of me that will never
be fully mended without your love.
I don't want you back, I just want to have what you took from me.
My hands are cold and my heart is still broken.
I can't think full thoughts about you
without
going
crazy.
You appear in my dreams more often than not.
I dream of the day when you caress my hair
and hold my hand. When you speak to
me with your voice like music
and your thoughts like poems.  
I dream of a future that
parallels the past;
that recollects your love and showers it on me.

I’m falling apart at the seams,
Trying to keep you out of my dreams.
Every night I see your face,
A perfect image of my shame.
A time in my life where I went so wrong.
I’ve moved on I just want you gone.

The memories come flooding in,
from a place in my mind that I thought was dead.
Who is that man pretending to be me?
Was I really that awful?
I’m so sorry.

seashell minds, if you
listen closely you can hear
the salt roars of oceans.

the emerald ebb
and flow of ideas that
adds spice to our lives.

we are all drops of
liquid fantasy in this
untamed sea of life.