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JWolfeB Aug 2014
I have always wanted to let you go

Like a sloth when he grabs his own arm,

only to find out it is not a branch.

I want to fall away from you.

A free fall of every emotion I can't justify.

Love is not something we possess.

I hate myself for not loving you.
JWolfeB Feb 2015
The day that you passed was the only time I felt close enough to understanding why you are gone. It made sense to me because your hand was in mine. The curvature of your fingertip figured times tables into my palm that I will spend the rest of my life decoding.

Each day since then I question each footfall I conquer. For I can find your footprints upon this sandcastle heart yet all I see are my footprints being eaten by waves. Everyday has been a dislocation of hope, wondering why they took you and not me.

Asking my cells to work musical chair patterns to fine a cure for the algorithm I can't remember. Your nails. I remember them. Pictures. I have them still. You told me, in a house fire it is your 2nd item to grab. For a photo can't be recreated.

You never wanted to be recreated. So we cremated you. Burning ash tray loneliness into the humid smoke upon these lips. So why does it feel like I am jigsaw puzzling you back together in each picture. Attempting to take pieces of the past and walk into my future.

My feet are wet from walking through the watered down alleyways of yesterday. I have robbed myself, beaten the best senses senseless, and found my ****** self laid up in darkness. Interrogating the best reasons to walk into the light.
A recap of the emotions and warfare that take place due to losing my mother many years ago.
JWolfeB Mar 2015
He wanted to be a gravedigger
A man bold enough to discover the past
Someone to show that our bodies return
To the earth that created us
JWolfeB Oct 2014
The core of our earth gets up to 10,800 degrees fahrenheit. This is the type of heat I know I will never experience. A force so unlike anything I have ever felt. Love does not feel like the core of the earth. It is weightless.

Lifting me off my toes. Putting gravity to disgrace. The earth gave up on holding us down. We moved through the clouds together in a slur of elation.

God let us pass by with a turned eye. Knowing that power has nothing to do with love, but giving up. Letting go. Releasing every burden held between those hinged shoulders.

The universe accepted our love. Letting us glide into an ever open space of everything we will know nothing about. Our love will be translated in space as a constellation. A phenomenon we all drop our jaws to watch and will never touch.

Our love is something like that. Unstoppable, but further away than either one of us can reach. Only for the fact that if we could define this love it would not be so special. Our telescope will tell myths about us one day. This love will stand the test of time.
Everyone should feel this kind of love.
JWolfeB Dec 2016
Breathe into me like I am better than the disasters of my past
Kiss me as if tomorrow won't be an apology waiting to happen
Forgive me for loving you more than myself

Step into this
Fall into my arms
Let me carry our hearts broken, and complete
JWolfeB May 2018
Things that I am finally going to probably end up telling myself one day:

#1 you don't need permission to be happy

#2 read number 1 once more

#3 heart break is much less than suicide

#4 glass can take millions of years to decompose, so stop insisting for grabbing  another. So many busted ***** fingers have already bridged that gap. No need to lose another stupid boy to drowning

#5 family can sometimes only be defined by genetics. Not saying I don't love my family, it's just some days it's hard to tell

#6 when you grow up, jon, be a man

#7 still have no idea how the last one works

#8 show up

#9 still searching for something to reach for. The sun has been too **** hot and I think I need a drink
JWolfeB Dec 2014
Keep your head up
And your heart below





Because if your heart is above your head for too long
The blood might rush to it and you might die
science and humor
everything is not tragic all the time
JWolfeB Jan 2015
The phone line dripped apologies
While I sat silently
All 3,000 miles north of me
Isolation froze solid on this moment

He had a heart attack they tell me
The room gift wrapped around me
Ripped open
Exposing a flaky rib cage

My arms wanted to stretch back home
Grab his heart
And palpitate his benevolence
Rewinding muscle memory

I have been told too many lies in hospitals
Watched a plethora of lives fall victim
Heard too many **** machines scream
Longing for the lost all too often

So I reprogrammed a code
For my Heart to beat overtime
To satiate the hearts
That no longer exist
JWolfeB Dec 2016
I am nothing more
Than brittle bones
And a frail heart
Praying
For someone
To make me better
JWolfeB Sep 2014
There was less time between our breathes.
Our lungs, palpitating rhythms that we didn't know how to solve yet. Legs running in place to feel that here is good enough for now.
We are good enough.
For now.
JWolfeB Nov 2014
A single tree stood a few feet taller than the rest of the forest. The branches, further off the ground and harder to reach. Leaves luminescent in their shifting wind. Full of life and everlasting complexities. Roots embedded into the earth. Unmovable to the temptations of this place. Bark the texture of mountain ranges. Speaking of every valley full of rivers from the rain dancing across it's surface. Nests lay high into the sky of this tree. Spots where the tree is delicate and life giving.


I want to climb this tree. Navigate my way around each root to educate myself of the raw magnitude of this tower of life.
To reach out and feel the details of every bark outline. Traveling toward heaven with good intentions. Finding the thickest branch at the bottom. A journey I know I am not the first to reach. I want to weave through each maze upon the branches. Finding the life that exists here. To investigate the soft spots where nests lay. Enjoying the view of the world. A spot I know only this tree can experience.

I will lay upon branches to feel like I truly know what it is like to sleep here. To share something so simple inside of such a unique place. Continuing to the highest point of this tree. Here the branches are the smallest and least visited. I want to study these branch for years. For without these branches this tree would not exist entirely.

So from here i can view the rest of the forest. The tips of lives skirting to the end of visibility. As I delicately climb back down. My body feels at one with this tree. Knowing that my fingers will never understand such beauty. I found this tree tucked in the density of her ribcage. Beating like a war drum. A forest I wish to walk each waking day. Climbing her tree with delicacy and fiercely loving her forest built heart.
JWolfeB Jan 2015
I am the poem she has not written down yet
Creating poetry with our actions and love
Hi
JWolfeB Jun 2014
Hi
We have met once before.
You lined the sky.
Mostly with blue.
Sometimes with pastels.
You threw up clouds.  
Smiled translucent rays.
Exhale fresh of lavender fields.
Let me explore you.
Run through you like a field.
Embracing every grace me with your presence.
Soak into me with your intoxication.
Fill me up from every pour.
Step into this.
Get me lost.
Deep into your winding paths.
Pour out of me.
Spit love off my fingertips.
So I can touch things with true love.
Let me be something.
More than anything I want to be your something.
Filled up and dripping with acceptance.
JWolfeB Nov 2014
May the words fall from my jowls


Convincing you of the power


I compress inside my lungs


Letting not a single ounce of tomorrow


Pass without your recognition
One day your will realize the power of the words that spill from my lips.
JWolfeB Aug 2014
Hidden away in cabins far away.

Secrets never known by that day.

Desperately discovering passageways.

Dusty paths full of haze.

Ever filled veins of constant liquids.

Fill me up. Behind the curtains.

Ship me to a new destination.

A place of wonderment.

Pulverize my intentions into thin air.

Let me purify this heart of mine.

Cleaning up all the dusty particles I left.

I will become new.

A full and complete set of working parts.

Using these to experience this moment I keep passing.

Ripping the curtains of veiled ignorance.

Open enough for my heart to see.  

Operating on redefined schedules under new management.

The oil patch slips I nailed down were quickly navigated.

My heart let it sink in.

The possibility of a home that would never change.
JWolfeB Nov 2014
Today will only ever happen once

For these moments will soon become history

Dates lost behind us

A record of moments

Strung together in a book

Stay present while you write your book

And write history today
JWolfeB Jan 2015
One day I want my poems
To be etched into the sides of mountains
Upon the ceilings of caves
Left for my ancestors

Allowing them to feel with their palms
The emotion set into stone
From times I was too weak to speak
While only words would suffice

They will inscribe these artifacts
On pages of history books
Telling the next generation
To never stop writing
JWolfeB Nov 2014
Today will conquer many lives
without reason
For the sake of remembrance
I will breathe in each tender second
with a stronghold in my chest
grateful to live
another wake up
A blink longer than those less fortunate

May I conquer today
with all of the reason
To remember those
who have now become
small bits of gold in our history
A bold outline of a life once lived
I raise my wine filled heart
to those who are no longer here
A poem to those who have been lost and are no longer here. Also a dedication to veterans everywhere. Through and through.
JWolfeB Jun 2014
There are no stars in Hollywood

That's why they are buried in the ground
JWolfeB Jun 2014
I have the special ability to spit spliced railroad tracks into all the right places. I Filled my ears with drainage tubes down complicated compliments through subway grates to visit the homeless man that believes in a better tomorrow. Because someone has to. Now I have never been on a subway, but the way your presence flows through my veins like a bullet in a barrel makes me feel that maybe i can be the one to deliver this moment. The moment that I was late for. Two years late. It took me a while to understand that the platform we have eloquently been slapping graffiti across will one day be our home. A home of every moment we have shared. Home has always been a place of here and there. I have never been able to stay in a specific longitude for more than a lifetime of awkward moments shared between a ******* and a clergy man. I choose to live in a mobile home. With wheels built off rotating personality disorders that refuse to believe in teamwork. We traveled through state borders leaving the past inside us for all to confide in. In my home, I have a room. I keep in there everything you don't know about. It builds comfort through my sternum. Exploding into my ribs that hug my organs with safety. Home is the place I want to be. My veins are electrical cords spitting energy though plywood walls charged with dreams about a remodel. A 4x2 for a spine stiff enough to support this bobble head of mine. My knee caps still need to be replaced at some point. They don't know how to walk in a straight line yet. Finding curves in my consciousness. Although  Constructing this safe haven has been a Wreckless abandonment of everything I have learned from informercials at 4am. It started with a foundation of this will never go anywhere, transitioned into a tumbling saw blade crashing through dandelions for being so **** confusing. I still can't tell the difference between those and flowers. We ended here. In the dumpsters Bags I hide under my eyes. Full of memories from every time I said "I can sleep when I'm dead". Its all stuck in my head like a diamond plated dorito that was prized in a box for those who want more than good enough. So as I cough up my confidence I will sit next to you, on this subway, the one I have never been on. I will muster up some courage to honor all the good in you, and ask you simple questions like how was your day? What's your middle name? And where do you paint your home? Spray me across the definite realization that home is where you are.
JWolfeB Nov 2014
Lonely was anxious
Broken in her own dreams
Reaching out
Hoping for nothing more
Than companionship
Begging you to fall in
Grasped up your sinewed heart
Finding comfort in the walls of your chest
loneliness is a dark place. Finding a spot in each of us and living comfortably
JWolfeB Jul 2014
"God why, why god? Why me? Why is life so miserable? I want to give up. Show me. Help me."

These words. The ones weighed so heavily on a hospital bed. They dragged the air down to my shoes leaving all lungs without oxygen.

The walls felt deep.

Never ending abyss of confirmed failures. Continuance of a ringing that still bleeds in my ears today. The slow beating of a flatlined life.  

This was simply the bad news on repeat. Stuttered and obliterated my brain waves that couldn't find up from down.

I've never seen a heart spread so neatly on the floor.

The pieces too small to pick up one by one. Instead we stare and observe a life not wasted across the linoleum. Watching the pieces flutter and shake in their space

So we swept the pieces into the corner. No need to keep this reality playing like elevator music. Stand by if you know what's best for ya.

These walls are for the broken hearted, the wretched, and fallen, you'll fit in just fine.

Lets push this bed out the window, it will be the first time we've been free in years. Like a bird? **** that, today we are our own.

Find wing tips fluttering fallout baby balling on a window sill. Haven't felt this way before. Outpatient freedom that will last as long as that nice pair of socks that somehow, your dryer ate and turned into lint.

I'm gonna need some therapy with that noxious cup of coffee. I can't simply continue the same beaten path.
JWolfeB Jul 2014
If I could serve a buffet of every word I have ever thrown up out of this mouth, I would lose my appetite.
JWolfeB Feb 2015
The ice became a reflection of how I treat every moment of my past
Frozen in time
An ice cap to place on the emotions I refuse to deal with
Some way to construct a barrier between myself and reality
I've sent out to sea
The functioning parts of my interior that are no longer needed here

I have found replacements
I would feed you to the wolves
Mirrors of the land would prove too many theories correct
In search for pressured cracked exposures
I found longing
A feeling measured by regret laced with muted passion

There on the ice, miles at sea
I found myself digging up parts of me
I was bound to forget
As the temperature began to rise
Separating the ice I have hidden upon
Falling deeply immersed
Into a sea of decisions constructed by the lack of oxygen in my blood
Remembering that my decisions of my past are what built the person I am today.
JWolfeB Oct 2015
This breathe and these lungs
Have been used to preach subjects I fully can't understand
Like existence, cats, and why yesterday feels like today
So I told a story about you
It reminded me of your nails
And the memories they held
Each time I try to write about you
my arthritis flares up
My lungs cringe
And my mind turns static
They say there are 5 steps of grieving
What about the 6th step?
The times where your body stops working
They never mentioned the part
Where you find her spirit in everything
The clouds began to shine your radiance
The wind smells like you
Tomorrow feels almost like home
We will never get the day you left back
I have been spending each moment
Elaborately searching for you everywhere
And I have found
You never left
My heart still speaks of your beauty
My laughter a sliver
These eyes glistening
To show the elation
You exhaled into my life
So don't let this be a poem about you
I am still unsure what that would look like
But for now, I wanted to say
I love you
JWolfeB Sep 2014
Let me slam this into the badly written times tables that multiplied off the amount of sorrys we shared on a late night in July. Bash it up against the ocean front with just enough fabric to soak in the soft moments when your eyes rested in mine.  

Cave mouths flooded with fluoride, always leaving a bitter moment of regret. We said we were free spirits. Spirits weighed down by laundry bags full of bad regrets from divided moments we used the wrong side of our brains.

Your hand, it rested on my leg like a bible that has seen too many promises and not enough follow through. While the world sputtered in the wrong, our hearts moved in the right.
JWolfeB Oct 2014
Dislocate me from existence
Put me with the stars
Far enough away to see the distance
Into darkness without reprieve
Under burned down trees
and their shadows

I do not need your voice to convince me of things
like worth
or the color of my blood
These things I am sure of
My heart writes me letters about these things

Forget about what we said we were
Remember I was alone in your company
Your words filled with hot air
Boiling your words
Evaporating anything permanent

Liberate our nerves from any feeling we might of shared
Untie my limbs
Stretching out the presence
Drenching my skin with freedom
Calming the gooseflesh upon my bones

The well in our chests hides secrets
Ones that your words never pulled
The well filled with tainted water
So I added whiskey
And liberated your grasp

I will forever forgive you
Blending business with pleasure
Drowning yourself in an empty well
Dragging feet into the desert
of our yesterdays choices
JWolfeB Aug 2014
I will read you like i read a dictionary

I promise I wont abuse you,

because I grasp the knowledge you possess

I promise to use every page

because every page of you is important

I promise to keep you around forever

because you are timeless

I promise to never be selfish with you

because everyone should see your beauty

you girl,

you are an un paralleled dictionary

in a library full of books
JWolfeB Aug 2014
I try to change my socks everyday.

Otherwise i get all tripped up on my past.

Sometimes my life feels like lint between toes.

Rubbed off raw material from a malfunctioned owner.

Getting washed down a drain at the end of the day.

Taken away from a broken home.

Drowning without a chance to breathe anyway.
Thoughts about the way my mind has been working today
JWolfeB Apr 2015
God decided to write her as a constellation
All beauty, yet slightly misunderstood
She stood
A median beyond heavenly rustic hinges
Only god himself has the patience for the excellence between us
We built books
Attempting to explain
How she became the light upon darkness
The flame moving toward arrival at light speed
Accompanied by mother moon
JWolfeB Jan 2015
Left me arm wide open dislocated water pipe
Spilling my remains upon hardwood floors
Drained sponge shell
Parts missing
Love longing

At what point do scars start looking normal
When did I become a picture of my past mistakes
These scars lay within my playing organs
Musical chair
Broken symphony

Read these scars like a bedtime story over the phone
Don't get too close to my
Yet use your words wisely
Fading ghosts
Interrupted dreams
Some words don't have an explanation other than the poem itself. This falls in that category.
JWolfeB Jan 2015
Imagine her hands on your heart
Tapping Morse code into vertical velvet walls
Hieroglyphs I am still decoding, present

My heart is better known as an island
A place for the shipwrecked
Beautiful in its desperation

Her presence an S.O.S. in sand
I am trying everything I can
To let her save me
JWolfeB Mar 2015
I have manipulated this poem
To be a mask of emotions
Not letting you know
I am falling apart
Because bulimia is only for girls

Men do not reject their self worth
Due to pressure from society
A consistent of not good enough
Photoshopped billboards

Recalling my most recent meal
In attempt to match my expectations
The ones I have created for myself
Through tainted understandings
Of the world around me
JWolfeB Sep 2014
All you have to do is be a man.
These words bled through my veins with disgust.

A man he said, does not smile
The flat line of his lips laid across the lower half of his face and read empty.
Shocked I was, when he told me that a man does not find joy in little things.
The leather skin palms that have seen more death than life.

A man he said, does not clean
A brain in his head, full of reasons why he can never show affection.
My arms wanting to do nothing more than wrap them around him.
Love may not be the answer to everything

A man he said, will never back down
His eyes burned, when I backed down
The ocean between will never be filled.
May the waves of tomorrow be ever calm.

As our callused palms met in between the peace treaty we signed in our heads,
The muscles in his face relaxed.
Not one more word was said.
His presence stands over me like an angry sun.

Burnt and shriveled.
I shall return home.
Just some thoughts about what a man really is. It is interesting to think of it in the perspective of an elder in a village or a father in a village than what I grew up with in a city.
JWolfeB Nov 2014
A promise
I wish you didn't give
Take me away
To a place
Before your fallacies
Dripped across
The space between
Love and despise
JWolfeB Jan 2015
Teach them about the backbone your culture has bolstered through the permafrost
Tell them stories of Moby ****
The tale they never took the time to write

Inscribe your language on the ice
Let the global warming melt your dependance
And drown the cities who refuse to believe you
A warning sign of broken promises by the government

An island not aloud on American soil
Your culture is its own nation
The lives here will rise against the sloth in your veins
Inupaiq will build on new waters, ready for the storm
A village that is falling into the ocean due to global warming. And I just so happen to live there. A crazy phenomena effecting a native Eskimo culture placed on the island Kivalina AK
JWolfeB Mar 2015
I love you in words I do not understand yet
JWolfeB Jan 2015
Sometimes I want to learn new languages
Until I realize
I barely have a grasp on English
JWolfeB Dec 2014
She spoke in tongues
Riddling of temptation
Exhaling reasons to slip into darkness
Fingertips blood red with deception
Lips moist of lies
Eyes screaming for love
When I asked her heart for the truth
She showed me confetti
A celebration of being broken
We lay there defeated
Absorbing in reasons to be fixed
Dawn left us breathless
And alone
For another night passed
Without words shared
Our lives
A parallel understanding
Inside broken hearts
JWolfeB Feb 2015
The gun felt cold against my skin
Safety still on
Pulling the trigger only happens in movies
Fear holding me sideways
Dreaming of courage to take the bullet out
So instead I began holding pencils to my temple
Attempting to rewrite my future
JWolfeB Sep 2014
Loneliness is a leaf

leaving a tree

never to return again

Yet,

Freedom is a leaf

leaving a tree

never to return again
two perspectives
JWolfeB Aug 2014
The first time I realized how to love you,

was the second I surrendered.

When I finally gave up.

And let go of loving myself.

I have constructed more reasons to hold on than I have equipment for.

So letting go will be the first thing I do.

Next,

Well I have not planned that far.

I know if I love with all of my existence, I can’t fail.
JWolfeB Sep 2015
Please set your pencils down
They no longer matter as much as the atom bomb in your chest
Put your minds to sleep
We will only need them to manipulate a system
This system is broken
We are sure
But you don't get a choice
Yes please stand up and use your voice
Just not here or now
Not in this classroom
Or this school
I am here to teach you about standardized testing
Your feelings can rest at ease
Knowing that they don't matter to a legislature
We no longer need you to be creative
Just regurgitate this information
Throw it into the air
Show us you are learning
Progressing
Please
Pass this test so I can keep teaching
Please
******* at the amount of standardized testing my students have to endure. So here is a frustration poem.
JWolfeB Nov 2014
The revolution in his chest was sleeping the day she showed up

By the time this revolution marched, she was no where to be found.

We tell this story of heartbreaks and loneliness

Without realizing it is our job to ignite the revolution

No longer will we depend upon someone else's spark plug
JWolfeB Mar 2015
I'm left here
Leaving
Knowing nothing more than moments
Of mediocre shadowed by exceptional

Searching the synaptic spaces
Where perfection finds home

Living in chaotic chemistry
With thoughts of your flawless presence

I am leaving you here now
Imagining a legacy
Discovered by failures and unreal expectations
The foundation we were built on
JWolfeB Nov 2014
We are broken
Laying in a bin full of legos
Potential to be beautiful
To be whole again

We wait for the right hands
To mend us into something more
Than the broken body parts in the mirror
Build me into something new
Something more than myself
JWolfeB Jun 2014
You know I'm gonna need a hand with these limbs.

Flowing rivers of everything we have hidden behind dams.

Life will continue up stream in spring.

Lets follow footprints and splashes that disappear in season.

I know things aren't easy to see without your spectacles,

So let me help you feel spectacular.

But this experience is nothing but a shade and shadow.

Find the form to work through the creases in its eyebrow.

Drop everything to analyze something flown past with preoccupied neurons.

Don't walk around the welcome mat when you're welcome here.

Come on in, enjoy the meal of real and irrefutable.

It's tastes good if you stop chewing on your tongue.

Share oxygen with the operating punching bags in my chest.

They operate under the condition that they listen to me.

Sometimes I forget to broadcast my hearts intentional reasons for beating.

I guess that's beside the point.

Just come with me. Let me spell it out in the clouds.

Nature has always given the disclosure you've needed.

Screaming silence and belated adulation at the peak of tomorrow.

Two breathes away from your next breathe.

Relax, see now for how it is.

A release of yesterday's promises.
Just a poem I wrote while traveling recently.
JWolfeB Feb 2015
Mold me into a better form of me than I was yesterday
Give me the power to love without reservation
Lay down blueprints of great decisions
A cooler side of the pillow
Someone getting up on the right side of the bed
Strength to care for more human than myself
Love yourself, but others more

Alright self all of this power resides in you
Stop asking for it
Take it and shape up
Make yourself the best self
You have seen thus far
JWolfeB Oct 2017
Since when did being
Lonely
And
Being surrounded by the ones you love
Become
The same feeling
JWolfeB May 2017
We are
Two parts water
One part sun
So please selflessly love
The darkness out of me
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