I went up to the counter again and the man in the red tie smiled.
“Another refill?”
Uh…yeah…yeah, another refill.

Why hasn’t that bus come?

“9 Sugars and 2 creams, right?”
Yes, uh what time is it?
“10:21”

Why isn’t the bus here yet?

I’ll take another burger. No onions extra pickles.
NO ONIONS Please.
Thank you.
What time is it?
“10:25”

Where is that bus?
It still isn’t here.

“Hello again.” Another coffee
I place the change on the counter.

There goes the dirt from my hands again.

I’m sorry, let me clean that up.
I wipe it off and more flakes come off.

“Sir, would you like another refill?”
Yes, I would. 9 sugars no cream this time.
Oh, and another burger make sure NO ONIONS.

Can you give me the time?
“It is 10:40”

I think I missed it. What day is it?
It hasn’t passed by for a while now.

Excuse me, sir.
Can you spare some change it is Christmas you know?

I’ll have a tea and another coffee.
“Refill sir?” Yes, just black.
“It’s 10:50 just so you know.”
They’re about to close. Where is that bus? Do they run today?!

To become poor
be miserable.
Chuck your shoes
into the ocean and feel
the sand in your toes.

Throw your last few sapphires
rings and ruby necklaces into
the murky green water and let them drift
away from your mind so someone
else can find them.

Give all your money to a charity
any charity
And just like that,
walk away.

Live in the streets
where rats are the size of racquetballs,
the flies are your leaders to food.
Thrive in a cardboard box that’s taped up
And covered by a tarp.

Listen to the croaks and groans
of your cardboard box as it snows
simply because you have nothing else but cold

Do this and I'll guarantee that you'll be poor.
I'll guarantee that you'll stink in writhing wrinkling clothing
and if you ever happen to be loaded again
extend your hand whether real or monetary
to those you friended in the ally. Show them
that you have the curse that gives hope.

Did I ever tell you why I sleep?
I do it to pass the time between sights of you.
Every time I see you I get so tired that I have to sleep.
I call the sights of you “visits” because it feels like I’m visiting
family and I’ve stayed too long or seen their face too much.

I sleep because I’m bored
I sleep because I dream of better things.
I watch movies, TV shows, anime, and cartoons
(No, they aren’t the same)
Because to me, I love the stories that they tell.
I love to see the characters grow as people.
I love to get lost in the dreams and
chances they have between themselves.
The way people grow close and feel lonely.

It just helps.
It helps alleviate the pang
within my own head.
The pang that I don’t want to admit I have.
I’m lonely too.
I miss you between our “visits” and
Just when I want to see you again, miss you
and think I’ve finally found a kindred spirit
I get hurt by everything you say.
I can’t do a **** thing right.
So I sleep.
Because at least then I am not doing anything
but dreaming of more stories to tell.
I’m gathering things up
from these shows and dreams because
Why?
Tsk. I don’t know.
Maybe to fill up my mind with useless junk
so I feel better about myself
to feel not so useless.

The cat sleeps with me you know.
Just curls up beside me and we bond with sleep.
We meet in our dreams
in a way that sometimes I wish you and I would.
But here I am sleeping
having dreams about a spring on a mountain
that trickles slowly down into a waterfall
and here you are having another night terror.
Another clown has chased you down
or a manager from work has scolded you.
And sometimes I secretly think you think
you deserve having these nightmares.

You know, all this aside,
I still love you.
Not because of the way you look
Or what you do or don’t do to me
But because you keep me in check.
Make me a better person and that’s
Who I want to be. You are the old soul
That has been through many lifetimes
And I’m the newly minted soul curious and
Trusting all things.

We’re opposites.
I sleep.
You’re awake.
I dream.
You have nightmares.
I watch TV.
And you read enough for the both of us.
I hope this isn’t one of the things you read.
But if it is.
I love you
I always will.
Forever.

Pen, write me a story.
Tell me about the one
where the princess gets caught
by an evil monster
and an Italian plumber
becomes her true prince.

Tell me! Tell me or better yet
write me novels and novelas
full of words worshipping
each other
in ballads of the single
soldier who marched into war
and found love at the end of March.

Describe to me the tragedy
of the long lost stories
of those who couldn't
write their stories down
because their adventures
ended prematurely by
their death or the death
of their authors.

Read me bedtime
stories, Pen! A Once Upon a time
where a dragon captured a girl
just so that he could writhe
twist and roll in his mounds
of stolen gold.

Pen tell me a joke!
Make me laugh. Make
it a long one full of
details but make it flow,
sort of like a pen in
stand-up comedy.

Show me a better world
where the leaves
linger to their Autumn colors
of yellow, reds, browns,
and everything in between
including green.

Alas, tell me pen.
A poem.
Keep it sweet.
Keep it slow.
Keep it full
of whispering words
that curve into the very
depths of where flesh meets
the soul. Please pen just one.

Show me your fiery
yellows, blues, greens
and orange. Reveal
to me your layers
reaching for my fingers
as they trace circles
on your skin.

I need your warmth.
I need to taste it.
I need to have it.

Show me your beautiful
burning eyes and make me
shiver with your heat.
Let it radiate off your skin
and into my own.

I need your warmth.
I need to rub it.
I need it to be mine.

Show me! I beg you
on my hands and knees
as I send sweet caresses
down your outline. Show me
the meaning of a
flaming arrow and how
the pain will hurt and
the only relief will be
your warmth.

Tell me a story Cuddlekins!
Rawr. Rawr. Grr. Rawr.
Rawr. Grr grr RAWR!!
Wow! That's a good story.
Now let me tell you
one. A story of a boy
who was so afraid of
being alone he put himself
in the most amazing adventures.

Imagine a beautiful forest
in the middle of nowhere.
Untouched. Unmutilated with.
Un-everything. This boy,
John, flew here and
laid his case down
and pulled out his violin.

His music went.
Dah. Dah. Lalalala. Doooo.
Soft. Sweet. Charming with
a twist of a faint memory
on the tip of your tongue
wanting to be known to
the world.

As he played on and on
for hours the animals
gathered around and fell
to sleep. John
inspired by his surroundings
played more and more
until there was a rustle in
the distance.

John didn't hear it
but again and again
the rustle of the leaves
grew ever closer still.

There was one animal
who wasn't sitting at
the clearing in the forest.
It was the jaguar. He awoke
and wondered
where everybody went.
They were no where to be found
As he searched for his
friends a scent caught in
his nose. It smelled of
food but an unfamiliar one.
The long lost forgotten food
that his ancestors once described.

He chased it slowly
turning every corner
hiding behind branches,
bushes, and bark.

Finally he found his prey.
He creeped slowly
and attacked.

All the animals could
say was that 'ol jagy was
at it again just a hungry
beast. Not sophisticated
or classy enough to
understand music.

You know Cuddlekins, I think
it was on that day the rest
of the animals discovered
'ol Jagy was deaf.

I stared at you in that cage
and our eyes met. I imagined a world with you.
We had as much fun as young pups growling
at each other playfully.

You were a super nova in my life,
lighting the path before me. That was
all until your light finally faded away
like it was always meant to be.

A normal day like any other.
I went to school.
Came home.
The news delivered to me on my arrival
changed this normal day into a scar.
I went to school.
Came home.
Chased the dumb mutt with a broken mop stick.
Ran screaming and crying to a now empty room.

I wanted you back.
You were gone.
Vanished away like the carrots
you used to eat.
Crunch
Crunch
Crunch
The carrot was suddenly gone.

Memories came flooding back
as I banged against my bed thrashing,  
crying, PAWS, DON'T LEAVE ME!!
Screams turned into quiet whispers.
please, don't go...

It was finally the memory of
your moist nose touching mine
and your grey fur against my skin
that brought me back to reality.
You were gone and
I couldn't change that.

At least I had one thing that
will help me remember you
forever. The holes in my shirt.
A shirt that now sits folded neatly,
in the back of my sock drawer.

Eating. Nibbling.
A thousand times over.
On your succulent moisture
as you Drip. Drip. Drip.

I see you lying there
on glass ready
to be licked clean.
Drained of life you
will be.

I never wanted you
so I don't care
that John is enjoying you're
company now. We didn't play
as little five year old version of ourselves
at the local playground now rusted.

Not that I care but I hope
John enjoys your chocolate chips.
I hope he dunks you in milk
and smashes you with his teeth.

I will not forget the feel
of your lips as they swim
across mine,
your skin's sweet taste
as you sweat and pant away,
or the topaz in your eyes,
the galaxies in mine.

Here and now let my hope

become the setting sun.

Here and now let my heart

become hummingbird's wings.

Let my hope flutter into

the dark nothingness that is

the pitch blackness of eyes closed.

Let my heart just fly

so far away that a gaping

hole is left in my chest.

Let that pain fuel my every

fingerstroke as I say with my

every being.

I love you.

I love you.

I will always love you.

I will cherish you

and always call you mine.

I will remember the times

we kissed so softly that it seemed

as though you quenched my thirst.

Also I will remember the times

that so many nights I lay awake

listening to you soft breaths as

I watched your chest slowly fall

and rise again and with every rise

and fall a new day began and another

day ended. Let it be known that

I feel hands around my throat as

tears threaten to storm and thunder

down my face. Let it be known that

I fought the war of many ages of those

of angels and demons. Let it be KNOWN

that I tried to rope that moon and

give it to you. Every cell moves. Every

chill makes me shiver. Every whisper

makes my eyes widen because I hear you

speak in your  dreams your true desires

and they are not me. They are

of someone else. Someone who has

always been patiently waiting, watching,

willing for you to just say yes.

Is anybody out there
anyone at all...

lines from a movie
so long ago.

lonely suffering painful
lines that have just a tad
of hope yet the sting of
regret all mixed into one pie.

Speaking of pies, a nice
cherry-apple pie would
be perfect to be able to
get these lines.

Perhaps I just don't
know what I speak
of. My language seems
weak and of course dull...

what happens to me
when no one listens
as i flow the icy blue
waters of the sea...

I want to know
is anybody out there
anyone at all?
please.

Slowly approaching
flames dancing along
the path I wander.
A carpet under the
feet. Squish. Squish.

I could not see all
my anguish in its
entirety until I walked
the path to the hooded
fellow. Horrifying, subtle
with lips so seducing. A
gaping bleeding wound
as her mouth spoke
no words yet agape.

Alas! There she laid
upon my feet frozen
in a smile I'll never
forget even while
suffering the circles
of Hades. It'll be my
own little personal ring
of fire that I bought when
I made a deal with a
dark hooded figure.

Fingers scrawny
face non-existent
robed magnificently
enough to scare
your dead soul out.
Took only four
words to put me walkin'
down the flaming crimson

Take mine NOT hers
Her frozen face
animated
Her wounded body
healed
Her lovely eyes
open
filled with green confusion
Goodbye my sweet.
Enjoy. My gift to you.

Squish. Squish.
Chains
slid against the carpet
making crooked lines
and cuts upon it.
Every motion dealt
enough pain to numb
everything until I was
no more.

Seasons go by and leaves change color
Lime, maroon, golden, brown, black
And there are suddenly no leaves.
Time passes and every waking moment I think
of the one guy that makes my day
he may be off on a business trip somewhere
but to my heart he is right next to me
staring into the sky where there are many stars
and I come out of this fantasy to wonder
If he sees these same stars
Does he see the full moon hidden behind the clouds?
Does he dream of the day he is back holding me in his arms?
Do I appear in his sporadic thoughts
as he stares at his cup of coffee in the morning?
Only time will tell if he’ll ever return.
He Is my strong evergreen pine,
my gentle snowfall.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! The door goes….

When the darkness engulfs  you and you can’t  find a way out  because you’re full of doubt…

The door  that you can’t see or touch because of the lack of light…

It is in these times that one must look in the light of their life…

The people who love, who care, the ones that are true…

The thoughts wondering in swirls around my head have, been ones of ruffled hair..

Of memories and times that they’ve been there…

The one thought that comes to my head…

The ones of you, and the times we played…

It is the times we played that we grew to know each other…

And with that thought the darkness was all gone…

It was our spark that made us go right out that dark door..

A spark that I feel will last an eternity and forever…

My lover pushes me away with the belief that I don’t know….

I wonder why it has to be this way but I move along for their sake…

Oh but to move along is so difficult because I cant comprehend their actions…

I plead and hope to understand but I still cant comprehend….

All I need to know is that they know I trust them with all my heart…

And will never fail them no matter what comes this way…

But what comes this way is danger and warning signs that my heart will be broken…

But I continue despite the danger for I will always be there no matter the price…

Even though the price may cost the ultimate risk…

I will stand by their side because that’s who I am, that’s what I promised…

And my promises I will never break for if I do I will lose the person I am….

And that is not a risk worth taking, to lose yourself over something so small…

But logic is beyond my keeping promise for now that is all I hold on to…

It is all I know, for now I will focus only to fulfill my side….

For I know now that what’s to come can never really be in a fortune…

Its in all the little things that make us up….

The laughs, the smiles, the kisses and the hugs that’s what makes us….

Life’s little moments that make it worth living…

Just to know that they’re there for me is but one of the many blessings….

I cherish them for eternity and forever, as long as the meaning may last…

Roses have thorns like the pain in my heart…
But they have soft petals like the light that comes in through the window in the early morning…
The blood red color of the petals fills my heart with blue blood cells needing replenishment…
But the soft feel reminds me of the time I caught her eyes and she caught mine….
The thought of falling again brings the bittersweet memories to my mind in a whirlwind of petals floating across the sky….
As I spin with the petals I think of the times I held you close and landed a gentle kiss on your forehead…
And the time I felt my face burn after the words of snakes slipped from my tongue…
The fluttering petals swallow me with the light feeling of love…
This light feeling brings me in a full circle again and I feel like I’m going to be sick…
And then it passes as the crimson petals continue on their way to another couple…
To create moments full of despair and sadness for those who have betrayed the other like…
The thorns on a rose who betray the beauty of the thing….

One day I fell to sleep in the arms of the one that loves me so

I stared wide-eyeed into the window of my dreams only to see a memory

I felt the fire burning inside my chest, a fire I have not felt in a thousand years

I know that this time I will not make fall into that trap of what once was

as I slowly hope that I'm foolish and do

Shivers shoot slowly across my spine and overwhelm me

a chill like one I've craved the most

I feel every single prickle as it warms my mind and my heart that whispers

a million memories of who I once was and what I have lost.

These memories reminding me of a melancholy times.

My dream shifts and suddenly I'm living in a world I thought I could not find again

I stare more into window of my dreams knowing I will crave that heat and warmth

of a fast beating heart and jumping stomach.

I cry and scream for a time with some peace even if only one flap of a butterfly's wings.

I cry harder even though I know to be only just a dream

but at least in this dream I live an unfulfilled love one that I wish I still had.

I peel the layers and jump right back

I feel so unmoving as reality begins to cease

In this dream my heart aches for a love that won't go away.

A love so strong that it will influence every motion that comes next

a love who would fill me with a heart of her own.

I suddenly turn to hear my name and as I see clearly

She buckles at the mere sight of me.

There she stands with wishful eyes that become a run so fierce

that only angels could guiding her towards me.

Startled at her flight my heart becomes an awkward paced drum beat

My hands tingle in anticipation; My arms become strong enough to catch her if she falls

Right in front of me she makes a grasp at the tips of my finger and misses.

Who knows what she sees but all hope is lost in her eyes. Tears roll down as I lose

all strength and fall slowly in a never-ending hole.

The window of my dreams has shut and I know I'll never see it again.

That once clear picture has become a blur and the walls of my dreams

whisper and snicker as though it were comedic that I should never

see the ending to this dream. Never see what I expect. Never know what she thinks.

Never know what could have been.

Startled awake in a cold sweat I dare not speak of this

for I know the ending to this choice to this voice of reason in my head.

It is not one I would wish on even my enemies. I close myself in the boundaries

of my mind. “Another dream as I crave the lone moon that comes closer and is yet

so far away...one day I will bring her to a world she's never known so that

she can finally heal and become all that she's meant to be”