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 Jan 2017 joel hansen
Valentia
serendipitous memories
and wistful sighs
cherry blossom petals
twirling amidst the skies
efflorescent flowers
ephemeral hours
ethereal sunsets
and starry constellations

anguished thoughts
and secret frustrations
incandescent candles burn
as if awaiting your return
anguish and lingering despair
heartbreak and hollow emptiness
caused by unforsaken pettiness

merely the potential difference
between requited love
and bittersweet limerence
why is limerence so painful?
Like a spotlight on my soul
You enhance me, make me feel whole
Brightening my world
My happiness your only goal

Because of you I'm finally seen, heard and recognized for the beauty that I didn't know was inside of me
Emotions I didn't even know I could feel have been blossoming throughout my body

This spotlight may have finally made everyone see, but it's what it's done to me
It's shown me you and that is a blessing
 Jan 2017 joel hansen
Sam
How am I? I'm good thank you!
Actually terrified you'll find out I'm not okay.
I don't want to explain.

Yes! I'm sure! I'm just a little tired
I'm tired of my life, and of myself,
So technically I'm not lying here.

I-I-help-I don't...
I can't choke out these words,
I'm not the one who normally does this.

I don't know what I need help with
I do-I have many problems,
I just can't bare talking to anyone about them.

I can't really explain
Actually this is truthful-I can't explain myself
I don't know how

*I need help, but I don't know how to ask. I need advice, but I don't know how to get it. If I came to someone for help, that means major trust was set in place. I need someone there watching me, so I don't slip, but those people can't slip because of me. I keep myself closed off, pushed away for a reason. I am the one who holds people together,  that's who I am. Myself comes later. I need help, I really do. But, so do you.
She wasn’t a striking beauty, but
I loved her with all my heart,
I know that I always meant to tell,
I should have done from the start,
But her presence had overwhelmed me
Every time that I saw her face,
I was far too shy as she passed me by
For she moved with a gliding grace.

She wasn’t a social butterfly
But was always circumspect,
Was rather solemn and thoughtful but
Was all that I liked, direct.
I doubt if she even noticed me
Beyond becoming her friend,
I’d hoped for more, but I wasn’t sure
It would turn out in the end.

And then a man had moved in next door,
With the moniker Richard Pace,
He had all the bling, was covered in rings
With assets all over the place.
He drove a mauve Lamborghini that
Spoke volumes about the man,
And it wasn’t too long, he seemed to belong
For Esther was holding his hand.

I withered, retreated inside myself,
Retracted back in my shell,
My hopes and dreams, and my forward schemes
Were lost, and my heart as well,
I watched them drive in that magic car
While knowing that all was lost,
For all I had was a beat up Ford
At a fraction of the cost.

They say that money’s not everything
But it’s sure much better than none,
There wasn’t much I was offering
But a heart, quite overcome.
I went for a while then I wandered out
While Esther was there on her own,
‘Where have you been, I haven’t seen you,
Have you been there on your own?’

I managed to mutter, my eyes cast down,
‘I’ve watched you all over the place,
You seem to be settled, and riding round
With your new friend, Richard Pace.’
‘Oh, him,’ she chuckled, ‘Old Diamond Rick,
He’s full of himself for sure,
He thinks he’s a gift to the ladies, but,
Me, I’m looking for more.’

My heart beat once, and it came to life,
I saw the spark in her eye,
‘Now here’s your chance,’ said a tiny voice,
‘All you can do is try.’
But my tongue was tied in its usual way
I never could blurt it out,
Then Esther said, ‘I wish it were you,
You love me I know, no doubt!’

David Lewis Paget
he tells me i’m a good person -
but he doesn't know i want to sleep with his best friend,
that sometimes i can't stand the sight of him
but know i have no where else to go.
he doesn't know how i dream of leaving,
taking off without a word
and hope it will break him to pieces.
he doesn't see the way my eyes glaze over,
purposefully tuning him out when he speaks
because i can't be bothered to listen
he thinks my kind words hold deeper meanings,
doesn't see my shallow promises
when i say i'll never leave.
 Jan 2017 joel hansen
Breeze-Mist
Why do I feel that
I'll regret what I'm saying
When I text people

Why do I feel like
Every decision is the
Most important one

Why do I still feel
Backed into a corner when
Someone shouts at me

Why do I feel that
Absolute compulsion to
Run away from here

Why is it that I
Just can't seem to make my mind
Function like others'
My biggest lie,
Is my image at work.
An industrious being.
A diligent soul.

I shower my hours,
Like sprinkles on candy.
To an office that shuts,
Its doors on my feet.

The brainwashed child,
Of the lazy generation,
We're expected to overcompensate,
For their misbehaven.  

The life we live,
For a plaque and a desk,
The **** we take,
For a life of unrest.

They sell us dreams,
We can't afford,
Then make us slaves,
To free our souls.

The man is evil,
An awful beast.
He tells you how to live,
So buy us to break free.

The world is polluted,
There is no respite.
Every passion bought,
Every dream's got a price.

So punch those keys,
And get back to work.
Let's be frank,
It's the devil's world.
 Jan 2017 joel hansen
Miriam
you
 Jan 2017 joel hansen
Miriam
you
there are days when it feels heavy
and the wait is too long for me to take
so i try to make pretend that there is no longer real
and instead here is all that exists

but i know you–
you and i are alive at the same time

we are living under the same blanket of stars

we see the same moon

one day the distance will close
the miles will melt away like snow
and it will be beautiful

but for now, we wait,
and we cling onto the hand of the Maker
who is all in all and more than enough
to fill the emptiness in the cavity of our chests

we will walk that way, my darling, and soon
but we must learn to walk with Love Himself
if we want to walk it well

until then,

we wait.
for you, whoever you may be
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