Meeting you was like a breath of fresh air at a time that I was drowning.
You came to me unexpectedly and took the water out of my lungs allowing me to breathe again.
Although you had frayed edges and dangerous ways, you intrigued me like no other.
You were broken too, but I was there for you in times of need.
You engulfed me in your words and held me close by
But in the end, I was just another cigarette to you.
You threw me away with ease and lit up the next one.

My insanity and temper got the best of me and
I'm laying in bed wondering how I ruined the one thing I cared about most.  
It always amazes me how such a gentle person can turn into a complete storm;
Destroying those around,
Breaking the ones they care about,
Demolishing relationships.
It's like a switch is turned on inside me and within a matter of seconds I'm a completely different person.
I hate who I am
I want to be better
I'm trying.

I found a girl worth writing about but in the end I was left with nothing but words strewn across pages and pages of my journal,
a permanent ink to always remember the way she made me feel when I looked into her eyes and saw forever.

You weren't the type I was warned about.
I was warned about the up and coming athlete who lived a few blocks down and excelled in grade school sports.
I was warned about the boy who sat next to me in science class and picked on me just because "he liked me."
I was warned about the blonde hair blue eyed boy with the perfect smile that every young girl swooned over.
My mother never warned me about you though.
About the girl at school with the big brown eyes and the heart of gold,
The girl who put goosebumps along the inside of my pounding heart that almost tore down the wall built around it.
The girl whose soft touch felt like warmth on a cold winters night
And how your laugh could light my soul on fire.
I was never warned of how addicting your arms would become when I couldn't bear to be lonely and needed someone close to me
And how you engulfed me in your love and showed me what it's meant to be cared for.
How could a mother warn their daughter about a girl who would make them fully understand the meaning of life.

When I was little I used to go to the field and look out at the stars on summer nights
Then I met her and a feeling of nostalgia rushed throughout me.
Her smile reminds me of a warm summer night - embracing you in its entirety and keeps you wanting more
And her eyes remind me of the shooting stars - mesmerizing and wishing for forevers.
Her touch is like the cool breeze - a feeling of comfort on a hot night
Being in her presence makes me feel calm and it's as if
I'm under that night sky again looking up at the stars
Yet this time I'm not looking at the stars in the sky
But the shining star curled up beside me.

She's a warrior.
She's the head of her herd, protecting those closest to her
Never letting down or giving up.
She is a force to be reckoned with
Fiery and bold, one you can always count on.
She's been through hurricanes
Earthquakes
Natural disasters - disrupting her life and bringing her down with the damage.
But she always got back up
She flew through all the ruckus around her;
Creating a beautiful masterpiece with her life
She's a beautiful disaster.
She's my rock, my best friend.
She's my sister.

Realize that this girl is a hurricane dressed up as a rainbow. Behind her pretty exterior she has the potential to hurt you and break you down completely.
Know that she has a way with words. She knows all the right things to say to make a girl swoon but she also knows exactly what to say to make a girl leave.
Know that she is a mess. She’s a natural disaster but she’s one of those natural disasters that are named after people because she makes an impact on every girl she meets-whether it’s negative or positive.
Understand that every pretty rainbow ultimately comes from a storm. Realize that behind all the ****** things she’s a great person. She will do the littlest things to make you happy and will try her hardest to make you smile like no tomorrow. She will value your relationship and friendship more than anything and will do anything to make sure it stays intact.
Please know that this girl needs someone who truly cares and will love her like no other. Please hold her when she’s anxious and listen to her stories about her past. Learn everything about her and never let her push you away. Fight for her through everything.
If you’re the lucky one to have her next, please never let her go.

I was always told that because I have my father’s temper as well my mother’s insanity,

I should stay away from anything that makes my heart fill with warmth, and my eyes fill with stars

Because my natural tendency is to destroy everything good that comes my way.

It’s as if I am a hurricane sweeping through a city, destroying the beautiful architecture and nature;

With a single touch I have the capability to turn things that were once gold into a rusty penny you find on a sidewalk.

You see, I never met anyone who could make my heart fill with warmth and my eyes fill with stars until I met you

The trail of destruction I left in the past was ignored when you smiled at me

Yet I still chose to ignore the reminder echoing in my mind like an alarm.

I’ve never been one to listen to advice so,

I held your fragile heart in my hands and hoped it would be the one to break the streak of destruction.

But in the end, I ruined you 
Just like I was warned about as a child.

I was as fragile as paper
Yet you were fiery matches,
Striking me up and burning me down
Engulfing me with toxic black smoke
Suffocating me whole.