Announcement
of new national highway
a vacation notice
to birds...

Without there being a God,
  we could never question his existence

Through the shadows of the interrogatory
  divinity shines

Do apes question, do birds question,
  do flowers question—Aquinas asked

Only through the act of self-reflection
   —is the Creator truly known

(Villanova Pennsylvania: June, 2018)

When I wake up, there are raindrops against the window pane.
And everywhere I go, there are always expectations pushed onto me.
Be this, be that, wear this not that.
And everyday, I am stressed.
I wish that I could switch my life around
But I am stuck in this rut and I need a ladder of hope to get out of this ditch.
I'm only a kid with dreams to change but no one believes in me.
How do I get them to?
How do I get my classmates to not bully me because I don't have a father?
How do I get my sister to help around the house?
How do I get my grades up for promotion?
I'm only a kid with dreams to change my life and to help my mother.

A cloud sits upon my brain.
Blood runs down the drain.
I cannot feel any pain.

My stomach is tied in knots.
Food in the cupboard rots.
I am a product of negative thoughts.

Sleep until the sun sets.
Waking up in cold sweats.
Keep smoking those cigarettes.

Blood runs down the drain.
I cannot feel any pain.

Like an old friend inviting you to come inside.
Familiar. Comforting.
It will grasp you in its arms and hold you close;
And when you're ready to leave, it wont let you go.
You will beg and plead to be happy,
and it will put up a fight.
It will make you think that the only way to escape it is to take your own life.
If you are lucky, you can break free;
and it will sit and watch you from afar.
Calling your name.
Welcoming you back into it's arms.
It will intrude your thoughts.
Make you think you are worthless.
That you're better off dead.
Just keep telling yourself that it's all in your head.
Keep moving. You will get far.
Depression is not who you are.

Staring at you it was clear to see
you don’t need, want or desire me.

Your eyes cast me aside in a way your words cannot, you want to hurry up and forget me, leave this rot.

Push me away and then hold me close
You know how to hurt me and cure me the most

If only things were different and the past was left where it belongs, maybe just maybe we could have been strong

Here we are both alone, but is that not what you wanted, if it wasn’t you would phone

Is it time to let go, close our hearts once more and allow us both to grow?

****. I miss you x