I used think
Of suicide
All the time

How
When
Where

But really,
Suicide
Sounds like a lot
Of work

What I really wish
Is that death
Would just take me
And I wouldn't have to come
To it

That I would fall from great heights
But not on purpose

That a bear would eat me
Without prompting

That water would take me
Without my help

That I would just die
But not on purpose

Or even better
But truly impossible,

I wish I had never been born

That I had never disgraced
This world
With my presence

That I never
Met you
So you wouldn't have to pretend
To be my friend

That I never
Forced my
Ugly words
On people

I honestly wish I had never been born

So no,
I do not
Want to commit suicide

But yes,
I do want to die
Or have never been alive

I forgive you
because I can't forget you
and your love has become essential
so when I say you aren't on my mind
I can swear it's all lie
because even with all you've done
you're still the ******* one
the one in my dreams,
the only one I look forward to see
the face I still am
trying to find amongst the crowd
laying on the floor
here I am, letting it all out
where the hell are you now?
I mean I know you were
never actually here
but loosing you
is still my biggest fear
and with every ******* tear
I pray to a god,
I don't even know is there
that one day, you'll just be
completely gone, out, disappear
because I know you're
the single worst thing for me
out in this crazy world
but in twirl,
you've got me rapped up
in this crazy dream
it's what you make me to believe
where all I think I need
is your touch, your attention
all the things you'll never give to me
because I know what I am to you,
who you see
when you look at me.
I'm not enough.
and the sooner I realize that
the better off I'll be
because even though it hurts
I'm glad you know how to leave
more like slam a door in my face
shoot me down with all your pain.
lock me in this nightmare
where all it does is rain
but, no, I've got to lock that all away
put a smile on my face
because people expect more of me
than to see what you took away
but can't you see?
the real damage that you've done
doesn't lay within your words
but the within your actions
and you run.
run away
from every problem
every day
honey, I'm sorry to say it
but not everything goes your way
but it's all good now
until you put the drink down
until you let it all come in
then let your pretty little self
realize that you didn't win
I know you
and I know you want love
and all these girls you pick up
they aren't enough.
and you know that.
but don't expect any more love
from me
because what you see now
is not what i will forever be
someday, I will move on
and forget what
you've made me out to be
because you don't matter
never have, never will
and I'll never understand
how you dropped me
so easily
but I guess
the past is in the past
and I should let you go
wipe the tears off my face
because you shouldn't be
worth **** to me
but you are,
and until I see that,
believe what I can say so easily
seeing your face, hearing your voice,
is still gonna **** me.
but with every day, every minute
I see a little more
a little clearer
what can I say though?
I can't regret you, I was warned.
but I didn't care
all I saw was the good in you
because that's what I like to see
I block everything else out
because the good
is all I want to believe
but I gotta stop that,
see things, for how they really are
bottle it all away some more
mend my open scars
keep you in my poems
now, in my dream world, lost
so I just guess
after all that you've done
I should just knock it off
move on
and go away
to place
just run away
some escape
from the pain
I can't handle it
and it's all coming my way
I can almost feel it
****
I can't loose you
we were meant to be
this stupid **** inside my head
isn't how it was suppose to be
how could you?
why did you let things get like this?
why do you only remain in my dreams?
all I crave is your attention, your amazing kiss
I love it
and I love you
but no
there you go again
your in my head
I've had enough
this bipolarness is getting rough
I sound crazy
****
crazy in love with you
insane because at the same time
I can't help but hate you
but nothing compares to our passion
when it's just you and me
the side of us
no one ever sees
it's all I've ever wanted in life
you walked away
slit my heart open with a knife
man, I wanted you
I wanted you for the rest of my ******* life
sounds pretty cliche
but with you it was different
it was real
something no body could steal
but I guess I was wrong
and all you'll ever be
is a sad poem or a love song
that you'll never hear or read
it's a side of me
I never want you to see
see the part of me
that needs you
just to ******* breathe.
you'd take advantage of it
so I refuse to show you how vulnerable I am to you
I've never told you the half of it
how I feel
boy, you have no idea
the thought of a day without you
makes me ill
unable to eat
or sleep
it's amazing
this draw to you
what this craving gives to me
is more than love or lust.
I just need you around
Because there's no me without us

Don't be sad about something you can't change.
You'll look back and wonder how you wasted all that precious time being anything but happy.

I was diagnosed officially with depression and general anxiety disorder last year.

I saw three girls say on social media say today that they were "depressed" because their mom forgot to buy them their favorite cereal.
Because their new iphone wasn't the color that they wanted.
Because their toenails color didn't match their fingernails color.

I take pills so that I don't have a bad movie playing over and over and over again in my head all day. I don't like taking them, but if I don't, I'm afraid of what will happen.

Sometimes I become so sad that all I can do is lay on the bed and stare at the wall, thinking nothing, because I feel like I am in a dark hole that is impossible for me to get myself out of.

I'm afraid all the time of the inevitable doom that I feel.

You're mocking me.
You will never understand.
This is not something that you should make into a trending hashtag on social media and then use to not talk about the real problems we face, but to talk about petty problems in your lives.

I am suffering, and all you can think about is how "depressed" you are that your parent(s) won't buy you that new pair of boots.

I don't understand...

If I wrote it in blood,
would it mean more?

Want to run away?
escape your mind
not give a ****

Tired; hurt?
feeling as though the world
is crashing down.
Or is that just me?

How is one
to escape
their own mind?

Born a different way
Wired like no other
Eventually feeling
life has no meaning
Who feels lost and alone