I remember the first time I wrote you a letter. I wanted to give it to you so bad, each line amongst the blank sheet of paper held secrets and emotions that only belonged to you.

I compared constellations to you, stars and galaxies held the word to shame when it came to beauty because of the way you sparkled; You made the dormant volcano inside me, awaken.

I knew that by the time the ash reached my neck the words "I love you" would never taste the same from the moment you came into my life. I thought I knew what fire tasted like, but the day I kissed you- Crustfied lava in my belly melted into butterlies and rose out of my mouth with your name forming at the edge my tounge and a home for you inside my heart.

And every-time you left my blood to turn at the edge of the blue abyss I wondered if I would ever see you again.

By the time you had come back the butterflies you gave life to, Migrated-looking for love where the sun was abundant and flowers with your name still inside; Sweet with the taste of your skin.

I was empty for months.

It was months after the great migration and spring was in the air, flowers still singing pieces of the way you said you missed me. It took me time to understand that some plants are poisonous to your health but I was so alive with the memories of us still intoxicating the contours of my mind. I was high off of your love, your body, every **** thing about you.

The day you returned, I was no longer the same. My voice was softer. My eyes keen, and my hands rougher against your skin. Yet, the love I had for you went untouched all these years despite the amount of life changing sequences we both faced.

You changed also, so many things were different.

The way you said your own name held fire. You held your chin higher than usual, and your voice rougher, but understanding. You spoke in a formulated manner, never giving in or up. You argued more, you were so stubborn with me. But amongst all that I could see and taste form your lips, one look into your eyes and I knew that nothing had changed between us.

Come morning, the sun kissed you before I could but I stared in awh, and jealousy because come tomorrow I know I wouldn't wake up with the ability to do the same. That doesn't mean that I wasn't grateful for tasting sunrise with your naked self, body and mind sleeping soundlessly next to me.

I knew from that day that I would never love anyone else the way that I love you.

Through the darkest of our days and the brightest, you still have a home within my heart. I will always be waiting for the day I get the chance to kiss you before the sun does.

I wake up in the middle of the night smelling the cherry blossoms that once left your skin. My brain has embedded this smell and whenever I get a hint of it anywhere your names crosses my mind, and most often than not it’s frequent.

I think of the way your skin looked -under the dim light as we lay naked in the living area after ***.

The taste of your skin is still fresh on my tongue and I want it again and again, like a ******* cigarette.

You’re the addiction I can’t get rid of like a ****** ****** I crave you and I get anxious whenever it feels like an eternity since my veins last felt your warmth course through my bloodstream.

You’re the numbness I would rather feel than the oblivion that awaits when the day comes and I no longer have a vice. And you a grip on me and my soul.

Our love was poetic, the type that you find writers writing about in their journals. Trying to find ways to compare the burning sensation our hearts feel when our bodies touch.
Does it look similar to the way a star dies- colours imploding and spraying a pitch black emptiness with a spectrum of colours so surreal it seems as if the universe took acid.

Would they start to write about how it’s so destructive that it reminds them of the California wildfires that engulf acres in minutes.

Our love, it reminded them of the way the ocean felt- vast and mysterious. They wrote about the way the moon would pull against the ocean and the way the ocean pushed back, telling the world about how I would hold you close against my body and you would push away, our bodies like the waves.

We were beautiful.

Stars melted at the sight of our kisses, creating supernovas that would make the unknown elements that sit at the bottom of our bellies like undiscovered essentials that make us whole.
Broken pieces that came together better than puzzle pieces.
Our love was endless.

So why did you go?

I was going to write a poem about you, telling you how much I miss you. How one day you’ll realize I was everything you needed, as a friend. I was going to state how amazing the memories we’ve made were. But I’m done writing about you. About us.

We could have been beautiful.

How many milligrams a day must you take to fill the emptiness your body is so used too.

depression feels like a fire,
burning your insides endlessly.
Bones wither away,
embers barely lit light the skin
that once knew it stood for more
than just skin.

Anxiety eats at you,
unknowingly your body has become cannibalistic.
There is a war raging inside your mind,
destroying the ability to decipher
what’s pain and what’s not.

here’s a bottle with 35 pills
I hope it helps.

" Don’t over-doze "

I found you in the deepest confines of my mind
woke up and saw your hand at the edge of my bed

were you even real?
perhaps I was imagining your presence
within these four walls.

Will the dream-catcher burn your bones come sunrise
Will I taste your ashes when your lips burn my tongue

Rain drops fall onto my skin and commit slow suicide.

I didn’t know getting so close to me would start to **** you.

Like rain you broke Into a trillion atoms as blood spilt onto my hands you started to blame me for causing you pain.

I reacted the way I knew best, I had to say goodbye.

I evaporated into thin air.
Thing was it wasn’t so good, but it really was a farewell.

You now fall onto someone else’s skin causing them joy, a piece of happiness that once smiled onto my lips now kisses another.

It’s easy for climate to change, now all I feel against my teeth is the sunshine.