Un-belonging
Undressed from teenage rhythm.
It’s a yearning for
The lost birds

Whose wings you rode
In talkless flight,
Til the silence got thicker
And woke up

Under the acupuncturist’s shadow.
And it needled it’s point as
Chinese wisdom, or as a well-meaning homeopath.
It dawdled all the same.

And you’re all sat right there.
Submurged. Happy as reflections.
Like an underwater photograph,
Mermaid’s song, gargles

Like the frog in my throat.
Almost Bauhaus, Picasso,
Almost watercolour, a mockingbird’s
Impression of a rock.

It was just
Undiagnosed sickness and I’m
Wading slowly into the sea with
my parents stones in my pocket.

Accelerated trauma
Starts my videotape
I replay it ten times over
Until my body breaks

The voices in the distance
Lost by a wall of sound
Distorted scenes crush me
Falling to the ground

Screaming out in fear
A fight before my eyes
Lashing out around me
Leads to my demise

Rapid breathing dissipates
Calmness fills the air
Tears break the silence
Fills me with despair

The dark storm receding
Carnage everywhere
Scattered lives around me
Damaged beyond repair

Saturday, to work for an hour
It's surgery day
I know you don't care
But I'm sure
We can find other things to do
In the weekend

Regardless here we are
I watch you cut open the gums
And start drilling a whole
Piece by piece
You open up the gap
I know the principal from
My days in mechanics

Each time I see you here
In the operation room
You do something
To affirm your dominance
Last time you threw
A carpule, needle included
At the non-sterile assistant

This time you invade the space
Of the sterile assistant
Making her have to assume
The most unergonomic position
I could possibly imagine.
Yeah who cares
We're just assistants
No high degree

In a flash I hear it again
As I watch you
Do things that the technician
Within me, does not agree with
the first thing mechanics do
With a plan from the ingeneer
Is tear it down

Here I'll be the mechanic:
One does not put
Two implants to support
A bridge of four elements!
But hey you're the boss
Have it your way.

The first mile is tough
The last mile is the toughest
I liked the way she played with her hair
Liked her smile
She had a calming effect on me
The in between was just numb minding
Just distance for the sake of distance
Some never made it, some did
She hated cruelty
One of god's creatures
To good for me
Just to good
The body wants to give up
That little voice agrees
Just dumb for the sake of dumb
I was a dumb one
Everybody loved her
She was one of the special ones
They always take the special ones
Sometimes when the pain gets too much
I’ll run the hill
Just to see her play with her hair
It’s worth the pain

Some days I think of you as a thunderstorm,
but not in a bad weather kind of way.
I think of silent comfort.
The way you kind of don't want it to rain, but secretly you feel joy in a perfect rainy day.
Rainy days are for movies and cuddles, snacks and coziness. A warm fire and the pop of popcorn, time to just lay low.
The pitter patter of raindrops on the roof is your voice in my ear.
The wind howling is the havoc I feel on the inside when your fingertips brush my stomach.
Lightening is the flash of feeling I have for you when your eyes meet mine - quick, but intense and breathtaking.
But the thunder describes you best of all.
Dark, Fierce, Fervent, Beautiful.
Thunder holds secrets, it holds mysteries.
Beneath the resounding crash is comfort, pleasure, safety, and peace.
All the same can be said for what I found inside of you.
You are my favorite storm.

Deeper I fall
Down this well
With no water.
Darkness takes my hand
And fear kisses my lips.
Take my eyes,
I was blinded by sight.
Guile was not a coat I wore,
But innocence keeps
None warm.
I reach for one moment
Any moment.
Sanity is fleeting.