I was young, we were naive
we knew we had the option, but didn't see why anyone would ever leave
it was easier back then to give the benefit of doubt
to all the words rolling off of a forked tongue
it was easy to believe
when we were young. We were naive.

I can wait.

Since I lost account for it,
Leaving just a base line to keep track
Of that which spits without a face
Is a hypocrite that leaves us with no prints
Relieves a chance for chase,

So I can wait.

What came about in a time of wandering.
The consolation  getting  me by was
     knowing  it would  end,
I could  go back
  I could  go  back  to how it was
    I could  go back to how it was when I remember  happiness  
      I could  go  back  to  how it was when I remember  happiness  
           although  the time,
     then,
     was not.
Coming home to where I am safe
and where I can  be  anywhere  but  here.

I got by in dreaming  of stories  to  tell  
that  reflect  where  I  have  been,
where a path of solitude  crossed  theirs
and voice  where  I fear  most  in going.
I busied my mind  in the folds of the concepts,
and I was not afraid.
I came to  where  I knew I would  
but still I can't  stop  wandering.
The house  is here, and  I  am  inside  
but both  of  us  are  empty.
I know  the  stories  that haunt these halls
even  though  I could  lose my mind  entirely
wondering  what they mean.

Is it common
Am I lazy
Am I standing  in a place that never  existed  
and if I exist

why.

I am  losing  the  grip of
whatever  it is that  actually  cares  to know,
if even anything  is worth  knowing.
Insight recognizes a pattern
I never will  find where  it is I am going.
I ought to just stay here, soon it will be snowing.
I'll  wait here.

Closed off, abandoned, derelict, haunted  
DANGER: DO NOT ENTER
             you are unwanted.  
I guess let it collapse  
   on its  own; we can't  pay
for demolition  faster
             than natural  decay.

If you  visit  
   it is to test the
   structural  integrity,
else to marvel at what could  have  been,
pontificate  
   upon  why she
    is what is left.
Or theft.

I wish I could  collapse  into myself
   to be consumed  within
      the black hole in my chest,
so that my lifelong  companion,
   loneliness, cannot  follow.
             It is where
             it is nothing
and where nothing  may follow  as a guest.

i stand here, still.
my will is low.

in my hand the pill i
know can **** me,
i keep taking it until i
stop, with nowhere
else to go.

and so i stand here still
beneath the willow.

****
Please
I *******
Implore you
If you're happy hold your head up high
****
Please
I *******
Adore you
With these words that i have told you
Now i said i do ignore you and I'm cold
Because ****
Please
I implore you
If you're happy hold your head up high

I miss you, and the way your eyes felt soft and deep and endless as
we steady held the silence in the gaze.
For how you saw right through me...
brought me to life.

I had nothing to hide.

I miss you and the way you held my heart when it was breaking, every day
you whispered comfort for my fears.
You listened as I fumbled towards awareness of myself,
You were strong. You loved me. You knew me.

I miss waking up to love you, and letting you love me.
To fall completely into each day, into the trust.... I miss before I feared.

I couldn't cope with the concept of you knowing me better than I know myself.

And now I know that I have never known myself.

But you have.

And you were right.

I just needed you to know that now I know.

I want the world for you.

Years that before
Mercy neared close enough
That the blur of the scene
Disappeared in the rough
So unsure what I mean
Or where would i reconvene...
And with whom?
When we are were we are
where they are there just to consume...
Everything they could.
Selling off everything that's good.

From that blinding white clear disaster
I thought I must fight or I'll rot even faster
I fought so I might keep from finding
I'm not really right and what's left's just reminding me how  
High I shot and now why I forgot to keep track what I bought that I caught up a lesson I set out too taught

Like a tumbleweed
caught
on a chain-link fence
surrounding the lot
where it grew,
I have found to
be humble is to need
what I'm not,
and that pain taught me uncommon sense...
thereby
grounding what has got
me through.

Whatever I thought,
I thought I knew
If I'm freed, I will crumble
and rot, remain sinking
in nonsense that I've misconstrued.

I know I do.