And if he leaves me, I'll die.

I'm so sorry baby
I'm so scared
Your words sound like the most beautiful melody ever made
I'm trying to believe everything you say to me but I've been lied to before, so sorry if I come off a little rude and ignore your messages at times but you have to keep pushing me to actually see that you love me
Love shouldnt be hard, it should be magical, you should know from the scars I've shown you and the stories I've told you at the crack of dawn that my past is a storm awaiting to pass over
I'm so sorry baby
I hope you really do love me
I hope this is truly the real thing, I hope that when things get hard you and I will stand even closer together and show the world that our love is unbreakable
I will love you unconditionally but just remember that I'm so scared

Please do not take any more moments for granted
                           Time is our enemy
                   who is rushing to the finish line
                              Kiss your crush
Hop on that roller coaster ride and scream your love to the world, smile when times are bad, things could be even worse, do something productive everyday and end it with a simple thanks to the skies for blessing you with another day, be greatful and watch your life drastically change for the better.

You told me It was math that you were bad at and history you didn't remember,
You reminded me that science was your worst subject and reading to you is boring,
Then our teacher told me that you got a B on your report card for math and passing grades on history and science, I was told that reading was your greatest subject and when you lie you blink twice,
you've been blinking everytime we have a conversation, every single thing you've ever said to me was a lie, I wasnt paying attention to the signs only your eyes that kept blinking but I liked the color so i didn't think twice.

It's really sad isn't it?
I'm tired of complaining I want things to change right now, you don't want me I get it I promise I'm trying to except that,
I wanna cry now and get it over with but I know that tears only come to my eyes when I'm overwhelmed with millions of others things and I crash with all of my emotions at once,

Oh wait *


My eyes are tearing up right now because I'm thinking of the girl that you've chosen over me,
She must be prettier, I get it, trust me i do
But it's just tragic you know?
I never get exactly what I want
Something always goes wrong I always find myself back in this black whole, this blank space, this emptiness and fulfilling darkness.


No no I'm not jealous
She's really lucky though, she gets to see that smile of yours everyday and watch you dribble a basketball through your legs and show off knowing your watching him, he loves it, he loves showing off for the girls,
I just don't get it though, what is wrong with Me? People please stop it when you say looks don't really matter, Looks are what catches others attention,
"Looks" are part of the reason you chose her over me, well that and the fact that your stupid friends hate me.

I'm angry darling,
I'm angry that I'm never good enough, not for you or for anyone
I've never really done anything wrong to anyone
I'm not 100% innocent but I'm not like any other teenager
I've been through hell and I'm still finding my way back to the closest place to heaven.



I'm sorry...I'm ranting now But I need express this heartbreak, this depression, this blank space, and these cigarettes and straight ***** aren't helping.

Not being pretty enough
Or not feeling good enough
Or just simply not being "enough" for someone has got to be the worst feeling in the universe.

Kills you mentally
Your no longer the person you use to be
It's like someone new has a residence inside of you,
Yeah your stronger, but that new strength is what's blocking you away from the world


What Doesnt **** You ,
Scars you for life
The vicious memories are bunches of blocks in your head,
visions that you will not release,
Pain that you will forever indure


What Doesn't  **** You
Should have killed you,
Because now you cheated death, and now death is what you've become.

To Have bones in your body...


                                  Tonsils in your throat,


Teeth in your mouth,


          
                                         Taste buds on your tongue,



A heart beating in your chest





And still manage to feel unbearably empty?

Look away when I speak to you and I'll know that you don't care of what words roll off of my tongue,
Kiss me normally, not with eagerness and that tells me that there is no love here,
Treat me like I'm a stranger and I'll feel like an intruder in my own home,
Act like you don't care about me and the recognition will click in my head that you no longer love me,
And I am the only one loving myself.

Heavy eyelids and burned cigarettes,
No sleep
And poison in my veins
Pink lips and sunken eyes these days,
Self consious and bitterly depressed is my state of mind,
Fidgeting fingers and sweat glands,
My nervous outcome,
Love and happiness are things I crave,
But to you, this is all I am.

Our days are numbered
The clock is ticking, we are not getting any younger
I'm younger then I'll ever be but I'm still hidden behind closed doors while the adventures outside those doors wait for me,
How about you break down those doors,
Give me to the light above and allow me to explore the sky like a shooting star

Inhale

               Exhale


I watch you as you walk with your shoulders and your head held high
So much confidence you leave in your footsteps
the smile you give to the world and the 'Feeling' you leave with people in your absence
I hear the way you speak,
Your deep baritone with so wisdom in your voice like you've been living on the earth for 100 years instead of 18


You didn't think Id notice but when you were walking I saw the falter in your step,
The way your head kind of sunk low and you walked as if you had the weight of the world on your shoulders
Instead of confidence in your footsteps I saw the cigarettes in yours tracks leading to the abondoned shack where you scream your suffering to the world,
I remember hearing you speak to the people and they heard a smart man speaking but I heard a man who was confused and scared that he might not make it to see the next day,
You've been living on this cruel cruel world for 18 years but you wished that you haven't witnessed not even 1,
Your sad, your scared, your hopeless but your not alone.

Oh sweet sweet boy, how you thought you tricked the world.

There is no easy way



                               To say hard things

This  isnt mathematics
im not trying to test you
Forget who wronged you before you, I swear to you I won't ever hurt you
I know your heart hurts and mines does too
But please open it back up and let me love you

Yearning for the night I can roll over and find your lips instead of a lousy text message
Or when I have a bad dream and your right next to me to wake me and tell me that i was dreaming so let's go make some coffee and you can tell me all about it

" Forever "

Is just another ordinary word that's used to put a temporary smile on our faces.

To me it's seems that it takes months for a guy to admit he's in love

While girls, it'll only take one look

And she knows

I'm sorry that I may not be the hottest of the bunch,
Or maybe not have the highest confidence ,
I might be shy at times,
Im clumsy
I'm quiet when I'm nervous

But I'm an adventure
A mystery with a catch,
I will kiss you until your lips go numb
And God ****** I will make you feel something

It is truly amazing

                          When you meet someone

and you feel that connection


                              That changes your life forever.

"You're  too young!"


                             "You're  too old"



"You're  too wild!"
  
      
                                        "You're  super boring!"


You're  always gonna be "too much" of something to someone. Don't let them make you afraid to be yourself!

Fall in love with words,
not the Person who's saying them.

He said "I Love You." Then he left

I remember when he said
"I'd Never Hurt You." Then he broke my heart

Told me he will stay committed.
" Then why are you still talking to your ex? "

You said you'd love me

But that was another lie.

You hit me
You said you'd never hurt me.

You left me,
You promised you'll never leave

You moved on
But you told me
" you were mine, and I was yours

forever. "


You Told Me Lies.

I tap my fingers in an unorganized rhythm on my computer desk
Listening to amazing melodies of music
Concentrating on the lyrics of the Music trying to 'feel' something
Trying to find that same feeling in music that I felt when I first met you
That warm vibration of a rush, that feeling of remembrance, the feeling of life

It was the way you talked to me
The way your eyes sparkled every time you expressed your infatuation with me
Or was that me talking through you?
You are the highest degree of perfection in my mind your are mine.
Mine. Mine. Mine.

I need a vacation from you
  

      To think about what I'm going to do with you.

You mean nothing and everything to me.

It's Terribly depressing liking someone who has no Such thing as the same feelings as you.

Come close but not to close
Confuse me with your words but make your intentions crystal clear
That you WANT me
But you don't REALLY want me

The knowing of ever lasting loneliness
Is disturbingly suffocating to deal with

End
  But feelings continue.

I knew loving you was becoming a problem when
I realized I could no longer sleep on my own at night
I needed pain killers just to throw me into that oblivion
But sometimes,
Even that doesn't even work.

Lately I'm lost

More lost then ever before |

The only HATE I've ever felt

Was the reflective madness

I received from the ones I dumb foundedly

Loved with every piece of me |

Come to me

In my dreams

Don't ever leave

For you will see

My love for you, is forever deep

When you walked through that door

I realized right then and there

What people meant when they said

Something

Took there breath away |

Pressing my lips in a thin line
I tilt my head back
Squeezing my eyes shut
Trying my best to hold back those angry tears
Caused by those around me
Who conjure up my fury
They make me wear it on my sleeves
It's obvious but to them it's the most oblivion
And they constantly send me back to that dark pace

"Live" spelled backwards is "evil" and "lived" backwards is "Devil"

"There's a mark on the calendar of dooms day for everyone. It may happen at different times but it still comes."

He smiled a troubled one. A smile that didnt quit reach his eyes. I didn't know what he meant but He kept inching closer and closer to the edge of the cliff and my nerves were far from calm.

"Get away from the edge,  You'll fall and probably die!"

My heart literally felt like it was going to fall out of my chest. I couldn't move or grab him because both of us were going to fall. But maybe that was a risk I was willing to take. He looked back at me Carelessly,

"I don't want you to die!" I cried out.

"At one point everybody dies silly, I'm just choosing to die now"

There is no greater love
Then a love that was meant to be.

Ever want to runaway, but you have no where to go?

I truly hated my name
Until my ears got the pleasure of hearing it come from your sweet lips

Brain

Could you give me a **** break?
Your always running and scared
Why the hell are you so scared?
And sad? What did the insane world do to you that made you so closed off yet powered on?

Heart

Your sneaky I can't trust you
You make me love to easily
Do you remember my neighbors?
The sons? I've never even had a conversation with them all they do is stare at me all the time and you have me thinking they feel much more.
Leave me be please. With true emotions.


People

Stop hurting me. I know you don't care but your just making me hate the world even more, "your pushing me so further into the dark that I'm starting to see tunnels, and people who live there."

They say thinking of sin is pretty much sinning
So let's sin away
And later pray for forgiveness.

Don't fall in love with him.

Every time I think it's getting better
It gets worse

But god, the bad things are much more seductive

Forgive me for I have loved so many
I forgot the most important
Which was myself.

You should be afraid to loose me
Because I know the real you
The one who kept me awake till 4am crying your eyes out
Then you told me you were embarrassed
You said:  guys don't do that

Laughter fills my ears and I feel the burst of energy from the crowd of friends walking past me

They horse play and joke around without a care in the world
They bring me back to my old high school memories
Girls and boys together
Best friends having the times of there lives
Of course I've had my friends too but I always felt like I've been with the wrong people

So they live carelessly not even knowing that they place me in a dark place wondering why I've tried and tried but always terribly failed to fit in.

Everyone told me it feels so good
But no one said it would hurt so terribly bad