You and I,
who never believed
ghosts existed
neither angles
in our childhood  

You and I,
who never believed
a star will fall from the sky
on the other side of the horizon
and make our beautiful imaginations  
come true,
even in our dreams  

You and I,
who carries practicality
in our pockets and
categorized ourselves
according to weight of our wallets  

could never understand  

why a girl
at her 5, 25 or even at 70    
a girl
at her  highest level of maturity
search madly
in each corner of the city
for a particular coloured thread
from thousands and thousands    

and I hardly understand
how she decides
what will look best
on her brother's wrist  

The boy who is still struggling
to take care of his hairs or wardrobe
from where he gains
the courage
to say a girl
don’t worry
for anything
I am here
and wherever you need
I will be there    

You and I
could never understand
why a mature girl’s smile  
seems childish
and why a childish boy’s  smile
seems filled with responsibilities  

when she ties the coloured thread
on his wrist

i don't watch home movies
hate them
reason being because
when i was young
i was looking for a movie
my mother
had recorded for me
and accidentally
put one in the vcr
that i'm not sure
i was supposed to see
i know the obvious response
"uh oh, ****"
sorry to disappoint
they were only marked with dates
  1991
on live television
montel williams asks my father
"how can you just throw
your child away like a piece of trash?"
   1994
i spend so much time
in the emergency room
that my parents stop
penciling in growth marks
on the frame
of my bedroom door
i always thought
it was because they believed
i would never grow out
of this sickness
sometimes i believe
the reason that they
never bought me a dream catcher
was because they never thought
i'd live long enough
to see them come true
   1996
i am eliminated
from a spelling bee
because i didn't know
the 'dad' is silent in 'family'
   2013
before i got into poetry
i used to do standup
none of my jokes were funny
one of the other comics
tells me my skits are dry
sometimes sad
he says "why don't you joke
about something like your family?"
so i say
"i never wore any sunblock
because i didn't want anything
to keep me from my father"
i say "what do you call christmas
without lights or heat?"
before he has a chance
to answer
i say "1997. better yet
why don't you
make like a dad and
leave"
   2014
every time we drive
past the hospital
my mother reminds me
how much it cost to save my life
like she'd rather
have her money back
she doesn't have to say
that sometimes she wishes
it was me who had died
instead of my brother
i can hear it in the way
she says "love you"
sometimes i imagine
that if i were to die
that she
would pick out a casket for a child
because she never loved
the person i became
yesterday i told my father
how close i'd been
to suicide lately
and he said
"that's my boy,
livin on the edge.."
and i can't remember
if i laughed
or cried

did you cry
when i choke life
and shove it down
to kneel before me

Annie darling,

We may not be able to build the space ship you wanted
It's not that you weren't a good girl,
nor was it because you didn't pass the soccer trials

We may not also get you the hairpin you wanted,
the one encrusted in silver,
lined with satin
and chiseled by the finest sculptor

Once again, it wasn't because you forgot your homework
nor was it because you yelled at me


Annie darling,
We love you.

Just maybe not today.

Like a flower she bloomed into the beauty she never knew she had.