i’m not here,
i’m just letting this dream wander;
tomorrow, these thoughts will be lost to my innocence
and everything will have the shine i remember.
i’m not here.

as a kid
there's nothing
like wasting away inside a tiny
room
sitting on the backrest
of the couch
looking out the window
and seeing her
tread through the rain

a red umbrella covers
her.

Mother

she's going back
to the liquor store

a child version of you holding a map of outdated versions of yourself saying,"there, right there, that's where you lost the war with yourself."

And over time,
My pen stopped bleeding
But my heart didn't

I have kissed boys

Girls

People in between

But lately I have been kissing bottles

Their lips are colder than yours

But slowly I have realized that the pounding headache when I wake is less hurtful than the shattering in my chest

Yet as these toxins rush through my veins

I can't help but miss the tracing of your fingers along my skin

Miss the numbness of the world when you lie with me

But when I wake I remember that a headache is treated with an aspirin

While heartache

Well if you have a cure for Heartache let me know

i told you i was busy
and i WAS busy, just in a way you would never understand
busy trying to convince myself it would all be okay, when in reality,
it wouldn't

i told you i was busy, you said
"yeah,
right"
busy talking to you, while the arms of depression squeezed me into its tight hug,
enveloping me in darkness that i can never escape.

i told you i was busy
and you thought
i lied

most people see me as
a happy person because
i laugh easily,
i smile a lot,
i joke a lot.

but deep down
in my heart,
i am fragile,
i can get hurt easily,
but i choose to not
show it to the world.

instead of being sad,
i choose to laugh to cover it.
maybe you can call me
"the queen of the mask"

by this,
you can tell
that most of the time
when I'm laughing,
I'm not really laughing,
i was trying so hard to hide
my sadness.