In my dream, I woke up
    *To confront reality




© Amitav (Radiance)

I have been trying too hard to be the person everyone likes
Showing the world a first class smile
Standing tall, looking like a queen
Pretending that I am not afraid of what is behind the door
Believing that I just have to wait one more year until I can burn off the mask
Telling myself that then I can be me in a year, the girl with stories in her head, the one who never wears shorts, the one who loves to act, the one who has too much to say and a heart too big to show,
My forgotten heart won't listen to my brainwashed mind

At times I am a fearless warrior
Other times I am too shy to risk a hair
I tell myself I am good enough
But when the time comes and I must compete against my opponents
I coy away from the thought of failure
Weak and little
Insecure and afraid
But I know I have the passion and desire and talent
I just don't want to be a failure because criticism made me who I am today
Strong and Weak
My conflicted persona does not make things better

He strutted down the hall with confidence.
His crooked smile reverberated goosebumps along my bare arms.
His deep soothing laugh drew me to the heaven light.
His blue grey eyes held secrets of pain that made my heart scream for him.
His foolish jokes made my frozen frown thaw.
It was not till his warm hand brushed mine that I knew I had oblivious eyes.
I had fallen for this gorgeous human being without knowing.

-Susan

I did not know that I would end up here.
Here where the hummingbird does not sing.
Here where people do not smile.
Here where people come to when they are lost.
Here where the crystal blue ocean, that I long to see, has turned red velvet.
Here where no one sleeps.
Here where the forgotten ones come to be remembered by the dead.

Its the atmosphere that intoxicates my mind
The people, everyone, going on with their own life,
Some even smile at you,
The breeze that waver through my hair makes me feel invincible
The plain grass I sit on is simplistically beautiful,
The little kids swinging on the monkey bars and laughing make me smile,
They are so young and happy,
So many people, noises everywhere-laughter lingers my ears and it sounds like a symphony
A symphony that has been written by love itself
At this moment, I don't feel depressed or angry,
At this moment I feel bliss, joy, wonder, pleasure and delight,
At this moment I am happy

Grey clouds consume my mind,
Fills it with a deadly poison,
My heart feels as if it is shrinking and the pain is excruciating,
I can not hold it in,
I can not pretend that I am not hurt,
I can not lie to myself and say "It is nothing",
I can not because I am human and I feel everything,
I began to think and think of the black abyss I contain,
I can not stop thinking and I hate it,
I hate it so much,
"Stop, stop, stop"
But I can not stop feeling
I can not,
Then, I break into infinite pieces
I try to grab each piece
But there are too many and the baggage is too heavy and
I fall.

-Susan