"You haven't changed" are the words I had on my mind, hanging on the tip of my tongue but I didn't voice it because I knew you'd lie and say nor have I.

I've changed in ways I never imagined, I can't bare to look at myself now because when I see my reflection, there's someone looking back at me that I don't know.

There's no hope for a fresh start and the times we had were over fast but still I reminisce in a time I often wished had lasted.

No truly you haven't changed you still have that breathtakingly beautiful face, your soul still breathes virtue, your personality is still what every girl strives to be.

Perfection doesn't ever come close to what you are, but I'm glad I'm no longer the reason for your scars. I miss you just as much as I want to kiss you again just like I did in the past, when you were my first kiss, true love and we were discussing having kids.

I wasn't perfect and I let you down a lot, but understand that you once believed perfection is what I was. Unfortunately I was not who you expected I was, and still I wish I had stopped making you cry when I was meant to be your shoulder to cry on. I hated being the reason that we needed to stop feeling what we felt because I still cry a lot.

We talk in whispered tongues, about seven words a month but you don't know how much I wish it was the three that we used to say to each other a lot.

I don't know what this is a poem, a story, I don't know it doesn't really rhyme and the words I use are basic but honestly I need to get this off my chest.

I love you still and have never stopped, it's just a shame that everything is lost.

A thin, jagged line
Of blinding light,
Cuts through the sky.
Pure electricity—
Quick as lightning—
It’s there, and then it’s gone.
It dazzles the dark sky
Like a deadly firework.
It lights up the gloomy world—
Just in time to disappear—
And plunge back into darkness.

every day, speak a little less
reduce the number of words you say from half to
ten less, and then none at all.

Don't forget to be soft.
Kiss your mountaintop goodbye for
one last sunrise and descend
into the night
where it's quiet
like you should be.

one by one, pull back towards yourself
the orbs of energy you've left
bouncing around you in the
atmosphere.
be their chalice
one last time
and watch them burn out.

and when you're reduced to
dying ashes and deathly whispers
a strong voice will suddenly falter
and they wonder -
*didn't we once know a ... ?

Do you remember the night
I translated a dream for you?

You agreed and later that night
we began to put your pain into perspective

You're sending me letters
signed, sealed and delivered
from your new home

I'm saving all your letters
where only longing lingers
we've not known each other long
but waves of your scent
are already mapped on my mind

In your stories you write of
an explosion in your chest
bats burst from hibernation
forcing your ribs to break
your skin ripping apart

You tell me of a whistling in your chest
a candles been blown out
smoke rising from a darkened hollow cave

The emptiness feeds off flesh
you're scratching at your skin
the remains tipping into your chest

It's filling-
filling every day

And that is when you wake
choking, gasping for air

Your letters end as abruptly
as your night terrors
bad dreams leaving you breathless
waking up drenched in sweat

Your last lines of this weeks letter read;
When I lift my tired body
from the bed
the bedroom light illuminates
my skin
I see I'm real
I see I've not clawed my flesh
no track marks from my fears

We're sat together with
the letters all telling
the same story, again and again
you voicing your dreams,
dreams spawning nightmares

Do you remember I was going to
translate these dreams for you?

How the bats are actually butterflies
how butterflies are subjected to
a caged darkness before the light
How the whistling in your chest
is fertile ground for growth
How the suffocating filling
is the abundance of love
this world can give us
if,
if we only subject a change
to our perceptions

Love and fear cannot exist
together within us
with fear is suffering
with love is healing.

Do you remember the night
I translated a dream for you?

The night we set fire to the letters
imagining the crimping paper
as the disintegration of
each and every
fear.


© Sia Jane

Rise from the earth
You are safe
Your are stable
Trust yourself and move on

Light the flame and let the water pour
Inhale the steam coming off your creative passions
Your relationships, your ****** desires and attractions
Never feel guilty this is natural

Let it all flow
This is your will, your motivation
You're intelligent, believe it
Focus and listen to your instinct

Feel the rhythm
Love yourself and forgive yourself
This is who you are, and this is who they are
Unconditional, never allow this to be corrupted

Speak up
Share your thoughts
Communicate truths
But be sure they are pure
Dispel the illusions and express innovation

Open your eyes
So you can see all the world is and what it has to offer
Learn, experience and teach
Your perception is cleansed, your mind full is of wisdom

Burst
Let your being implode, so gorgeous
Your ego must die, it will be at peace and so will you
Feel the spirit energy in all its divinity
Accept this consciousness and detach from your body and all worldly things

You are free