Don’t let me be your sentiment because you’ve been pretty adamant that your heart doesn’t belong to me anymore.
It was wrong to think that it did from the beginning, I chained it and turned it into
a being that I didn’t know.
Kind of like how you didn’t know I was gonna lose my mind so how was I gonna know that I’d lose it along with you round Hazelwood way.
It’s hard when you chose to decipher all the bad aspects even though there were parts we used to admire like this desire that keeps us obsessing over something that we’re better off forgetting.
You felt like a blessing but you always talk as if I was a curse and what’s making it worse is that my thoughts of you never changed and I’m cursed.
Sometimes my heart dips when I’m
sinking back into the memories you and I had made.
Critically I’d try to recreate,
I spend so much time alone these days that it’s getting more familiar to me that these recreations will never recreate not when I’m alone in this space.
Check out my poems on Instagram @jamietreavish writes.
Mum said she can see me in you
Surely it must be different views;
See when I think of you I don’t see
the similarities that make me
anything like you.
The hospital told me you staggered
when you walked in and had to be
turned away, you missed the first
time the light hit my eyes yet tell me
that the future can change..
Maybe we could go camping dad?
Maybe you could sleep next to me
on the streets that you’ve destined
for me and you could find excuses
for why you were drunk yesterday
like I have to when I come in from
a long day.
We couldn’t camp though could we
Dad? She doesn’t let you out.
You’re dangerous outside the house,
addicted to flashing lights and liquid
It’s blinding when you can’t see the
view, you’re losing me just as much
as I am losing you.
Do the maths and tell me how did it
equate to that?
When one could of become two but
instead you looked out for you.
As a boy I was destined to be a doctor.
Now I go to the doctors because I’ve been doctoring homemade remedies for pain and gain?
What did I gain.
A broken heart that’s forgotten how to love, what it was to feel a beat that could trickle all the way to my feet and in defeat I found yet another broken thing.
A broken mind that’s forgotten how to stride through time, that’s forgotten how to separate you and I. See there’s things that I can’t deny - yet there’s thing that YOU quickly deny.
See I’m not a druggy.
I’ve had more ODs through everyday living than I have on a high that I’m told is not living.
Living is easier through this world of mine, I’ve met the most imaginative people of my life through conversations in a green tin that holds every whisper of what we refer to as the “Shed People’s” dreams, who know of endless tales through more hazed eyes.
I guess I can’t deny that I’m an advocate of something society rejects and that’s why you’ll always reject me.
All because I can’t deny that YOU have views that contradict mine.
What a shame that adult drugs have taken me to better worlds that are much bigger than YOU and I.
long had I been dead when I first saw the beauty in nature just to be told that we threw it all away.
Long was I blind to see those who silently scream without a bed or the lady who looks her best when she’s living off bread.
How were we so blind to the compromise of being open to the exposure. The greed, the need to know basis of what greed could mean - or what it could be.
Did salvation ever mean that we’d still have to fight for the right to humanity? Humanitarian aid after a humanitarian crisis denied their right to live.
And What did the ice ever do to you? You made it melt but it wasn’t in love. There’s a difference between love and abuse.
I know you’re angry - The world is too.
My therapist asked me who am I?
And I looked at my mother and
asked her who she wanted me to be;
She said she wanted a son that didn’t
sniff ******* in his dreams.
And she looked at my sister and said
“What does your brother mean?”
And she said;
“All he illuminates is exactly what a
human being shouldn’t be.”
And she looked to his grandmother
“What kind of grandson is he?”
And she said;
“The kind that gets lost on the streets.”
And she looked at his grandfather and
asked if he agreed.
He nodded but pleaded that there’s no
way to save someone like me.
And they looked to his current
lover and asked;
“What kind of person is he?”
And she replied;
“The type of person that screams in
his sleep, the kind of person you wish
your daughter wouldn’t meet, the type
of person who’s married to overthinking
and can’t marry me.
He is the definition of deceit and you’ll
often find him by the sea threatening to
jump in because he thinks the fish will
actually care about his dreams.”
And silence filled the room.
And they all asked;
“What kind of person do you think you
And the black sheep looked at his
shepard’s and said;
“Whoever you want me to be.”
Hazelwood beseech me to
come home for I've become
a lonely soul wondering
alone with a shaven head.
Not my idea, no, not my
own. The man pleaded for
you to never leave him on
He's disassociated but he's
never believed it with his
backpack dreams and
time in blackhole love.
Met you and he found a
different kind of love..oh
Hazelwood please come home.
Home was sometimes A&E,
seemed to me that you were
getting pretty tired of it.
I could see. We all could.
Too scared to admit it incase
you'd leave us like our sand-
paper carpet meetings where
I felt the friction of your grief.
And bless your brave soul to
be able to live with the many
people I've become. But I dare
you ask! Ask anyone. You're
the only one they'd say they
Men of sin are the shadows that lurk among the city lights where the signs don’t just tell you about coffee they energise you as they feast on lobe with sidewalk tales of how men have left their manners at home, drowning in pints discussing the grim details of how;
He ****** her twice only but the other night, peering with a grin because little do they know his lust was a story of latex, teeth, claw and a sharpened knife.
Smile did he as she presented herself half alive, half dead - hanging off the edge of the bed, the twisting and weaving of his stomach as he digested pure disgust and bliss all at once.