everytime i think about what's to come, a dreadful feeling builds up in my chest and weighs me down.

everytime i think about the things i have to do, a lump in my throat stops me from talking.

i keep forgetting to breathe
i seem to go into autopilot mode

people do this
it's all the rage

i do this
i assume no one cares

i put myself
though this toxic habit
every day

on a highway lined with palm trees
seated next to each other in the car
he was upset
i wanted to put my hand out
for him to hold,
    for him to be comforted
but i did nothing
and we rode in silence

the city
truly beautiful and glowing
clad in a smoggy haze
the city
thinks it's not beautiful
it's opinion obscured
by the smoggy haze

the girl
truly beautiful and glowing
boys telling her she's gross
the girl
thinks she's not beautiful
her opinion obscured
by the boys telling her she's gross

he's feeling something like love
she's also feeling something like love
he's unsure
she's confident
he's timid
she's brave
he's scared to commit
she's willing to commit

so she asks him
he rejects her

now both he and she are unsure
    timid
        scared to commit

the future gleams bright
and i could put in effort
but i dont want to

i'm on my bed, uncovered.
the fan is on,
it's pleasantly cool.
and my eyelids are heavy,
i'd love to sleep right about now.

hang on, what will happen tomorrow?
let's see, this could happen, or that could happen.
don't those sound fun?

i can't really stop these thoughts,
they're like mosquitos.
there's one buzzing around your head,
trying to **** the life out of you.
then pops in another thought, another mosquito.
and another. and another.
they seemingly never stop multiplying,
attacking you.
they drain the energy out of you,
and you just sit there and let it happen.

i'd love to sleep right about now.

the soft white light illuminating you
you hold onto it tightly
cherishing all you have
but you wish for a brighter light
you feel lonely

why are you so unsure about your feelings?
so wary about who you commit to?

you love me like a mother loves a child
but i only love you like a monkey loves a banana

i'm so scared i can't even take this seriously

i want to talk
but the words don't come out
for i fear
you would find it uncomfortable

i want to talk
but i don't know how to say it
because my feelings
are a complete mess

i want to talk
but i don't know if you'd even appreciate the gesture
because i'm scared
that you will see me different

all i want to do is talk about how you feel
ask about how your day was
why you're not very excitable when your sister asks you to watch a movie you love
but you don't respond the way i hope you do

i don't know how to talk to you

i want to hug you
to caress your cheeks as i kiss you

i want to play with you
to laugh at meaningless jokes and stupid things

i want to support you
to be there when you need someone

i want to hold your body in my hands
to have every inch of you to be mine

but
i don't know who you are

a word
can mean one or two things

a word
can be a happy thing and a sad thing

a word
has all the power
    to make it
        or break it