Self pleasure is the definition of the Devil.
We must strike a happy medium,
for the soul is Christ yet the body is sin.

Life, a battle of what lies within.
I, myself, struggle yet seek holy kin.

Promise me virtue,
tomorrow you’ll forget.
Mold form, for my design is ****!

Edit the author, punish the script.
Fight the altar, praise the stripped.

Death stared at me from the same recliner she always did.
Her veins wrapped around her legs like spider webs.
She poured pepper on her perogies and commentated for the TV,
“No whammy, no whammy, no whammy, Stop.”
I was too busy making plans on my phone.
“Isn’t this nice?”

Yes grandma

She used to clean her Catholic church on Saturdays.
I’d bring my toys she got me from McDonald's
and ran my race cars through the ramps filled with holy water.
She’d lay arms stretched before the alters and I’d follow suit,
but only in play. Our devotion was not the same.
“You make me so proud, my little Christian.”

Yes grandma

I’d spend nights for what must of been months,
because she lived in town where the parties were.
I was chasing tail, drugs and alcohol.
We’d both pretend she had no idea at all.
Our best conversation following a night of glassy eyes.
What we said I can’t recall.

Soon enough the pattern fell as I finished high school.
I moved away and walked new halls, an undergraduate.
It was in those halls my phone cried out and I soon after.
I drove new roads my eyes a flowing well.
We waited outside her room in vain.
I would not get see her that day.

I made a point to see her once she returned home.
She now sunk where her rear was once plump.
Her skin sagged relieved from the pressure.
Fluid dripped out her lungs the color of Pepto Bismol,
and they missed every second breath.
Yet, she was beaming, “Look how skinny I am.”

Yes grandma

I’d only see her once more, after another trip.
She slept in that same recliner as the TV played.
Wispy white hair, thin pressed lips and tired eyes.
Her head hung against her chest and I hid mine.
My sister asked if I’d like to wake her just to say hi.
I considered it, but thought better.

“No, I'll catch her next time.”

I love you so madly.
Your quirks and grins,
the many colors of your skins.
Harmonic melodies where progress begins.

I miss you so sadly.
Your peace and understanding,
the pinnacle of Humanity.
We've lost our tune, turning a minor chord on one another.

You disgust me, certainly.
Your shouting and screeming.
Like animals we fight, seething.
An unorganized orchestra of adult children.

I loathe you completely.
Your beatings and killings.
The streets run red from a rainbow of dead.
We've laid down our instruments and taken up swords.

Beautiful lives destroyed.
They hang like ornaments in the trees.
Beautiful lives taken.
You rip them from cars and leave them in the streets.
Beautiful lives forgotten.
As soon as we revisit our screens.

I want to love you, preserve you.
I feel I must destroy you from those who would pervert you.

I geuss I am you.

It smells of cigarettes and 12 year old regrets.
Matted shagged rugs with creeping, crawling bugs.
There’s shouting from the back.

Humming coming from a ***** metal box.
A shrill announcement that it's time to get our fill.
We race back while trying not to spill.  

In my bowl is the same hard heat of imitated meat.
I run my finger across the couch. A halo of polyester,
where too long an ember was permitted to fester.

My friend had dawned new clothes,
a flashy new skin, but a month’s gone by.
Holes now show what she’s hidden.

Uncertain, she’ll dawn a new curtain.
Whether a lack of communication or a thoughtful hesitation
to force another her burden.

I am so sick of pretending to care.
I’m so sick of taking this ****.
we seem to wish that someone would care,
but I’ll drop you for changing your hair.

I have grown sick of all politics.
Differing opinions, your all hypocrites.
I'm simply sick of cynical ******.
The way they love to polish their *****.

I hear what you say, “look in the mirror”,
That’s why I tend to chug my beer.
We all live in fear of all of our fears,
Brought on by distrust of all of our peers.

We laugh, we sneer,
We point, we cheer.
Then freak out to find that fingers point near.

I am so sick of living fear.
I am so sick if chugging my beer.
We seem to crave the fear we fear,
but hide in our safe space till everything’s clear.

I have grown sick of pretending to smile
Profit for virtue, is it all worth our while?
I’m simply sick of modern day style.
The way we stand in single file.

I hear what you say, “look in the mirror.”
It’s my reflection that I tend to fear.
I cannot face the way that I sneer.
I cannot face the way that I cheer.

I laugh, I sigh
I point, I cry
Then freak out to find pointing at me.

I remember dirt, a taste of summer.
The smell of burning pig flesh.
The stench of my great uncles breath,
filtering through his beer drenched mustache
and running down his inflated stomach.

I remember laughter.

I remember the hallowed tree.
“Get your *** outta there” shouts a familiar stranger.
The anger I felt as I scratched my blistered skin
in the autumn breeze.

I remember poison oak.

I remember the smell of cinnamon
and spiked cider with Santa there on guard.
The snag of turning wheels on rug.
The chitter chatter of adults
as children pitter pattered around.

I remember Christmas.

I remember my tie was too tight.
“What a grownup you’ve become”
The smell of flowers and formaldehyde
loomed over forced smiles.

I remember leaving my family
in this showcase of the dead

Why does this poison leave a slack in time?
Or,
Is it rather a return to time?
Has it stolen the father and held him  captive within a glass bottle?
Rub it 3 times then chug the whole thing.

I come from privilege
I come from hate
I come from power
I come from money
I come from a top the tallest tower

I am not free thinker
I am not a lion, but a lamb
I am not angry
I am not confused
I am not becoming exactly who you think I am

I really didn’t mean to change
I really didn’t mean to offend you
I really didn’t mean to challenge your views
I really didn’t mean to challenge my own
I really didn’t mean to defend myself

What I want most is to separate
What I want most is the hate you accuse me of
What I want most is a burning nation
What I want most is your demise
What I want most is to lose myself

Fluffy, fuzzy, full grown adult,
she groans as she stretches.
Marks flowing out.
Every ditch, all the trenches,
you may start to doubt.

Early morning chills
and after noon siestas,
midnight thrills
and raving fiestas.
She whips them out still.

Cute, cuddly, captivating sight,
she drags me back to bed.
Crushing windpipes, she holds me tight.
The bags of her eyes lit and embedded,
her imperfections, my delight.

Tag-a-longs
and weekends away,
movie marathons
and the down the driveway.
Absent only when at play.

Bashful, budding bravely,
herself allowing comfort.
Brisk winds, I dive for safety.
I plot revenge, her days are numbered.
Our duals are aloft, crazy.

Night sky gazing
And role playing games,
Fandom crazing
And thinking of names.
For me their all amazing.

Dreamy, daring, lacking dramas,
We waste the day away at lay.
What honeymoon, perhaps the Bahamas?
I drape an arm, her skin like clay.
God, she looks good in pajamas.

Understand me,
we all end on Earth

        decisions.

You, that bodies must become blessed,
The reason we can realize

          Peace.

Days inn
A flannel pillowcase, button up.
Teepeed toilet.

You follow the pizza guy 4 change.
He tried to take your side dish.

The shower's cold,
Tied shut with a shoelace.
Now hot, she is.

Running makeup
Your drink next to soap,
Life is good.

I used to know you,
You used to know me,
I was told to hold you higher.
You were told I pushed you down.

I am a Slave Owner,
That must make you my slave,
Or so I am told.
Or so you are told.

I am entitled and in charge,
You are oppressed and left to discard,
Or so you tell me.
Or so I tell you.

I may speak freely,
You may only speak with permission,
So why must I bite my tongue?
So why do you shout at my sons?

When I go left I am a hero, a champion.
When you go right you are a trader to your kin.
You tell me I hate.
They tell you to hate.

I want to know you as I have before.
You say you know enough.
My canvas is blank, you've taken my brush.
I say the portrait you paint is unfamiliar to me.

You tell me to hush.

My world is shattered
And why you ask?
Because the animal within
Is just beneath the skin;
And it only wants to begin,
But every time it's about to breakout
You freak out
and reside within yourself and act out.

So you consume these poisonous toxins
That fill your vaines with fear.
So sure, grab another beer,
But you know that when it's all over you'll still be here.

You'll keep trying,
Even when you feel like crying.
Crying for that hand that won't appear.
But in its place you hold another tear.
Until the day you realize
That there's no time for fear,
Or crying,
Or even to shed a single tear.
Because in the end you know that we're all dying.

Come here and bask in my agony.
Come here and drink the liquor of youths torments.
The ache of mornings breath on pre-aged bones;
a reminder of my unseemly existence.

Come forth and shudder under my presence.
Come forth and acknowledge me.
A pitiful attempt of overshadowing the dread within.
Masking such a stench only allows fermentation.

Step back and watch as I fall.
Step back and watch as your words unravel my world.
A pathetic string rapped around a feeble neck.
I fail with much dismay; alone with my thoughts.

Overlook me as I corner myself.
Overlook me as my tears run dry.
Overlook me as your words fail to hit:
for they've left my heart an empty pit.

The flower blooms with signs of hope.
Joy blinding sight from its thorns.
Whispering sweet promises within its roots,
budding blushing petals.

Built up from complements and time,
its walls ever harder to climb.
No tools in hand, no fuse to bind,
and yet it's crumbling, crushing under the weight.

What once was a muse has become a prison.
Hurling through the cement in vain.
Planted to the ground the flower remains,
for duty now reigns over pleasure.

It's thorns in full view,
petals no longer red have lost their hue.
The stem cracked and bruised.
My flower has wilted.

*It's waiting to die.

Steel, Frigid to the touch.
Tension of movement can be seen through the entire figure.
Eyes open, the glow of inner essence betray the Beast,
For no matter how cold it grows attachments still hold true.

Hands full of power are weak to gold strands,
Incapable of abolishing past ties.
The Beast watches it's body frost over.
A tremendous roar echos as the Beast raises.

The realization of contempt has fueled change.
This Beast, this Man tears away his metal crust.
Heat breaks through the cracks.
I sigh with relief as I finally see my own skin.

I need to speak my mind more often.
I need to speak it truthfully,
Pent up it fumes and poisons me.
Turns my tongue to ash.

Today I've noticed I didn't recognize myself.
Fires have warped my features,
Though unchanged my reflection
yields new connotation.

Poets once unheard
now rip tears from my eyes.
Music plays on repeat for hours,
Immersing me in a blanket of deceit.

I hide myself behind my mask of notes,
Submerging myself in an unbreakable bubble,
But its protective husk suppresses the peril within.
The truth is I'm suffocating.

My open wounds pus hate,
Scabbing over in deceit that only cracks with more hate,
Unexplainable angst inflames a desire to break out,
To speak my mind truthfully.

You laugh to realize your life's perfect
As you chase the Cheshire,
Watching yourself run.
Thin as glass, you dare to be the skyscraper.

Unbreakable.

Your life beside you.
Your past behind you.
It has made you stone.
Unswayed by roads.

You choose your own.

As pitch reflects off pitch,
An unending forest before you.
Fireworks thrown back towards you.
You remain unflinching,

But forever touched.

Figures with hands the size of the heavens.
They flash again, but only for an instance.
Tears held by pride,
But none less meaningful.

Wind in your hand empowering you,
As you stare at a universe of gravel.
a jungle of wispy greens,
The travel brings you back again.

Life is wonderful, I won't let it spoil.

That moment when you feel your chest collapse
The world's at war and your isolated
Emotionless feelings to express your mediocre indifference
Joyous gatherings yielding only to bring plastic smiles

A pulling at your eyes yearn for attention
No matter how you try they never respond
A flash of reality only implements mentions of liberal sense
Necessity for prior involvement point to poison remedies

How do you maintain consciousness?
Why don't you dissolve into naught?
What grip sways your lingering reprieve?
when will your Atlas drop his arms?

Fade into Pitch

Still
You're content with being content
So the cycle remains
You feel you chest collapse