I am January.
But you're better than snow.

You have enough light
to right the wrongs
done by the evil men
from a lifeline
to my favorite
spider's web
sewn.

You lack the thickness
to right the wrongs I've
implicitly justified
as a nail to my fragile skin.

I'm heartless.

You are a pin
You may take my kin,
bleed, multiply,
amplify,
and remain.

Take my soul
and leave him
to do nothing
but be.

When every time I close my eyes
It's you that I dream about
As I wake up in the morning
It's you that I wanted to be right by my side

I've been dreaming of me as your wife
And you as my baby's dad
I've pictured how our little one's room be like
Will they ever be materialized?

How can I not love you
If you're everywhere I go?
How do I stop loving you
When you are all I know?

How will I ever find me
Without you?
But what can I do
If you just love me no more...

What will I do
If you decide to leave me?
Only one thing I know is for sure
And that is I don't know.

So tell me,
How can I unlove you?

Everyday I search for
the brightest and shiniest star
on earth while walking home
her look can cure my deepest scar

Everyday I wish to
reach this blazing star
However I try
she is so near yet so far

Everyday I know
in few moments in time
she will be gone very far
left with shallow memories in eyes of mine

What if i can't be with you
in this life on earth
some says we become stars in future
I want to shine next to you by all my heart

You're like a star that feels too far fetched to grab.
You're like the Milky Way our solar system is lucky enough to have.
Like the many rovers that got lost out on Mars and the lonely satellites that circle around space,
You're someone that I could not replace.
Like Romeo and Juliet, you are the moon and i am the sun.
Like an eclipse coming and going as you please
Spinning in an axis, our two souls are never at ease.

i wasn't a bad person
until i woke up one morning
and decided to make all the choices i wanted to
instead of the ones that would keep me afloat

there's not enough time or change in the world
for me to recount every good story
every song i liked, every window you rolled down
every wrong turn
the kiss on my cheek

all i listen to these days is your sleepy breathing
and a cassette tape that fell behind the passenger seat
"cut me open, we didn't bring rain jackets"
i am small, this seat with the stuffing coming out is my throne
we end up in a diner, i order the blue plate special
your hand is on my knee, the coffee is hot
every gas station looks the same
might as well just never go home
we have too much to talk about

friends & lovers, it all blurs together
cellophane over my eyes, i can't see a thing
can't see anything wrong with this.
taste america, the deep south where i grew up
taste you, fill up my cup, it isn't enough

the sun is a burden, night driving is free
the phone rings and we deny it three times
she's on the other end, yeah?
wants to know where your heart lies, yeah?
one foot in the door pretend like it's okay as long as we don't lock it
if she asks we can still say no we didn't, yeah?

i watch you throw away motel receipts on the last day
pack everything up, avoid questions that haven't been asked yet
the same songs come on but they sound louder, sharper
i am anxious
we go to the same diner, i order the blue plate special
my knees are cold. the coffee is too hot. i can't stand it.
home is a metallic taste in my mouth
i pledged my wandering heart to someone who doesn't have enough space left in his suitcase

you make me melancholy

you are here and you are whole
my initials are printed on your cellophane skin
you paid to have someone else mark you to say
"this is the last time"
"this is my home"

you have made me into a saddened poet
and nearly a mother
our names used to run together justlikethis
now they are separate creatures
ensnared to each other by &
and that is better
we appear at parties, an institution
wedding guests in patchy blazer
and swollen dress
people take photographs of us
i hope someday to see them captioned
by someone who never dwelt in that moment with us

you are thinner this time around
more delicate, i worry someday i will cling so tightly in need of you that you rust beneath my fingers
like i sent you around a carousel and you came back astride a horse and in an ill-fitting suit
longer hair, thinner face, fuller beard
sunken eyes
i made you into a watery corpse
and i'm sorry

i lie on my side and bite sea green glass bottles
think about the child i'll bear you
suffocate and cannot dream
i cry tears of frankincense and battle the dead inside me
calling for me to join them for a day
boy, pray for my life

i can be cold and altruistic
and all i want to do is pen songs
that is fine with you
you have become a mortician now
in dress, in manner, in aspiration

i missed you terribly
i know i am incessant
you stumbled through a curtain and onto my doorstep
i welcomed you with flat palms and clenched teeth
i love you
and i'm sorry i smoked you out the first time around

i told you in a rainy place we've been before
we took it as a sign but i'd already made my mind up
when we lay sunken in my floor, and i breathed with you without hesitation
**** it, why'd i ever let them take you away from me
i'm sorry, friend

we blew kisses to our stars and now i'm making you a father after all your friends
in your veiny hands you'll hold our only child
i'm so sorry for what i did, and what i'm bound to do
you'll be back soon, i miss your sunken cheeks and the way you say goodbye
i need to rest my bones, you make bitterness taste like home

When friendships have been lost and found
Hunting wildly for common ground
Realisation that there's people out there
that have looked for you for so long
because they missed your friendship
It means so much
It touches my heart in ways I can't explain
Other than throuh my tears of feeling blessed
When someone sees your light
Even at times when it was the dullest
Decades go past
Your not forgotten
Your held dear within their heart
So dear they look through empty spaces
Searching under pebble and stone
Until at last your found
Today I feel very blessed ...

The violin
I have yet to pick up
It weeps for you
Someday
When my fingers learn to play
A tune so bittersweet
It causes the winds to tremble
And brush across the quivering leaves
To bring your heart back to me
To mine
Where your name is embossed
In fine carved mahogany

That the melancholy cries
Of the bow across the strings
Stretched thin across the miles
Could reach your pensive ears
And last you
Through the years
Only two until we are both free

Maybe nostalgia is a weapon
Or maybe I am too ambitious

I have yet to discover the depths
Of what I would become for you