i held an old friend to my wrist tonight
panicked and unable to breath
a mess of sickening sobs
he pressed down against me
holding me in a comforting embrace
the tears soon ceased
and again i could breath
beneath my wristwatch band
i’ll keep this forbidden secret
nobody can know but me
nobody can know but me.

— relapse

let's write a song together, lyrics like, "you don't love me no more
see you walk out the door, wondering why it took you so long
your cuteass in tight jeans, a curse and a blessing to watch you leave"
got an upright piano in the corner that's sort of been neglected
and it plays every other C out of tune, but we can't afford a tuner
to come by and nor can we buy new strings for a guitar

we get up, we fall down, we find love, and we crash all the way
and heaven help us, now that we're separate and on our own
love the route it takes us to a melancholy mood that's so particular
and so comfortable to be wrapped up in an ocean of blankets
under a crepuscular night~ play that song all night and have it repeat
when you're at work and it'll burn itself in the background forever

i followed, until the follower button broke and suddenly
sullenly you're verified hanging out with other pretty things
amenity people, furniture unwrapped from foreign places
making flirty faces with the next boy and the next ones after that
i followed until my patience broke and the pride flooded in
rejection swiftly came within the bucket my heart was found within
just because it feels so good, you knowing my secrets
and stalking my social media like my biggest fan
it doesn't mean a thing if i don't know you at all like i used to

enter stage left: the regret part nine hundred and seven

maybe we're too young to feel something real between us
bottles of liquor on your mini fridge, messing around
with each other's bodies all this reddened afternoon, forgetting
the crisis seems so averted when the asymptotic answer
is just forgetting it exists and you can do way better than
hanging out with me but here we are
i swear i can make it worth something for you to remember
well i'll be the one you'll take home tonight or tomorrow
in that red convertible like a weird chainsmoker song
and i'll forget it's 2017 just for the whole ride.

call me when things are tranquila, quiet
you cat call me, tell me you want me as your chica
something about a casa and boy, i don't speak spanish
let alone english to the perfection you seemingly don't require

you say bonita, you say

open up your corazón, set the love free on wings flying in the sun
your tongue knows the sacred place to wet the desert
my back and head lean back and watch the cosmos spin perfectly
one moment we were drinking underage and messing around
now i'm living in your house making changes to the framework
looking for some substance in this secular age

hit with the brush of heat and the super likes
i light my cigarette and lean on my phone and
a 90s volkswagen parked next to a brand new prius
tell me don't make me wait forever, superman
is this what you want, things are changing all around us
and i could have sworn i was doing okay (finally) when
i was without you, before i even noticed your eyes
i was with trevor after class and i could've sworn
you opened your locker after i caught you staring at me

today i walked outside without your hand in mine
and i didn't know what to do with it at all
not speak of such conviction that i think the same thing
that i could be better not knowing what you're doing
who you're seeing, who your sleeping with in cold calculation
the revenge of symbols rearranging themselves
into a broken heart, summer's round the corner
and i'm wasting away thinking about you again and again

i know there's still bits and pieces of you that aren't quite undead yet
felt almost impressive to mean something
or somebody who can alter your possessiveness, left
the wedding ring and pretending to be old on your dresser
lay out and fade away star-born reflected off morning waves
the highs and lows, most have been so low and you standing high
getting into my phone and claiming to protect me from other people
bringing your guns out for the summer sun again, sabatoging
all my connections to the outside world, i still wonder why
you bother teasing me and thinking this is more than a charade
but there's still got to be something inside you that still cares

first:
My name doesn't matter. I don't know anyone else who has the same name as me, nor why it's so significant. Any comparisons to other people's works will result in a block.

second:
Comment without liking my poems will result in me just removing your comment. Disliking doesn't really do anything and doesn't notify me. However, a comment with constructive criticism can be addressed through private messages.

third:
If you like or love or both any of my poems, I will try to get back to your poems with equally proportional likes and so ons. Sometimes the site doesn't work and I miss a few. Sorry. However, using suns to light my poems up and make them trend again will not result in reciprocation. I am broke. I also do not repost, so choose to if you want knowing this.

fourth:
Do not put my poems in lists like Worthy to trend or a notch above the daily fluff. I find those lists too pretentious even by my own pretentious standard.

fifth:
I post thank you's a lot because I am genuinely surprised people like my "art" and I can't make it anymore simple. Thank you friends, I had a rough time when I found this site and loved it ever since.

:)

i don’t find myself writing love poetry as often anymore.
i wonder to myself;
is it because i have lost the words for which to describe you,
or have i lost you to the words?

— i don’t want to know the answer

My ****** days...
My shifty swaying,
back and forth.
Not knowing what to do,
or who I am...
or why.

Blank staring,
Lines in my mind telling me I'm worthless,

Nothing Changed...
Why now?

Lie Down.

The anxiety forces,
The blankest piety,
Just looking for an answer.

Please just let it end,
So I can get to my mind again