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  Jun 2018 cleann98
Vener
Waking up
I wonder why

Why
Why
Why

Why are you shouting at me?

What did I do wrong?

I don't know
I just

I don't know.

Please stop.

You won't.

Why would you do this?
Why am I even here?

I want to leave.

But
I can't
I can't
I can't

I can't.

No matter what.

I'm stuck here
No escape
No freedom
No hope

Nothing.

I want to save myself
But
No matter what
I just
Fail

Over
and over
and over
and over

again.

I just want
To be
free

Maybe
There's no
other choice

But
No
No
No
Yes
No
No
Yes
No
Yes

Yes.






Will you miss me?
--save me.
  Jun 2018 cleann98
Elinor
I had my first dream last night that you weren't in.
not even a minor character,
your ****** name wasn't even in the credits,
let alone plastered across the sky in flashing lights
like you want it to be.
my first reality that you didn't belong in,
and it was the most blissful peace that I can remember since we bathed in pools of cloud.

I heard the first song that didn't make me think of you yesterday.
the lyrics, for once, were just lyrics,
not an embodiment of you and the things you do.
guess what?
it was coldplay.
you always hated coldplay.

this morning, I basked in the sun and didn't picture you coated in gold light beside me.
I didn't look at the leaves adorning the trees and picture your face laughing beneath it.

I didn't trace the plate lines of my palm and imagine the earthquake we used to create when yours collided with mine.

I didn't eat new food that I wanted you to try and I didn't want to share the smallest details of my day with you.

you may have won this poem, loverboy,
but don't be too triumphant.
your victory won't last long.
it's the era of my new beginnings without you and I'm going to be just fine.
never trust anyone who doesn't like coldplay.
cleann98 Jun 2018
most people
call love
a patch
of water
in the desert
that they
cannot thrive
without

yet for me

you are
a little bit
of fresh water
below
the
ocean surface
that even if
water is all around me
you are still
the only drop
i'd rather
live off

i can
survive
anywhere
but
i can never
live
without you
lav lol hi
  Jun 2018 cleann98
imai
she tells me
she’s in love,
all the time.

all with different guys,
all with different lies,
all the while,
the same shine in her eyes.

she says she’s in love,
and her love is kind—
though it is anything but.
i’ve seen the havoc it leaves behind.

she calls it love,
because she would
lose herself
if he left—
she could care less
for her kids
that would weep,
no,

their tears,
they could keep.

they were mistakes
she shouldn’t have made.
those children aren’t love
but the price she has paid.

my mother tells me she’s in love
one too many times.

i’d love to see her eyes
shine the same way
when she tells me,
she loves me.
the kind of love
a mother
provides.
a challenge by YanF
cleann98 Jun 2018
second chances
  third chances
      fourth chances
     renewed trusts
replenished damaged belief
               pride and prejudice
hurt and sadness
           fifth chances...
      making up
               making out
        waking up half ashamed
             walking out half naked
     walking off the emptiest night of your lives
                      forcing a smile
                  pretending to be fine
         pretending to be fine
                                pretending to be fine
            pretending to be fine
                 lying            
                     knuckling under
                                       lying
                                falling behind
                          pretending to believe each other
               trustfalls
                   with
                      a
                 harness
                          trust
                         falling
                          apart
trust broken forever.
       sixth chances...
                 tears-----
          weeping-----
           sobbing-----
                    gnashing of teeth-----
   staring into the mirror blankly at 3am
               crying yourself up until 9
glass shard pressed smoothly
                                                     against your wrist
                                            total darkness...      
                               undoable sadness...
                      uncurable brokenness...
              unsatiable...
       irrevocable...
irreversible...
           -------seventh chances
                pain.
       ------eighth chances
           cries.
    ------ninth chances
        lies.
-------tenth chances
      more 'last' goodbyes.
              et cetera
maybe a sequel to 'things we call love' ? don't know
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