Sitting quietly for a moment.
She looked at me quizzically.
I started to speak softly.
Have you ever
been house hunting.?
looking at place after place
ready to give it all up.
Then opening the door
of the last one.
And getting that
warm fuzzy feeling.
I love it
this is me
I could live here forever.
Well that's how I felt
when I walked
into your heart

The stars were in her eyes
But behind them
Was something far deeper
An infinite black
Sparsely populated
By ageless phenomenon

I witnessed love and hate
Fear and loss
Happiness, joy
And a plethora of emotions
That I could not describe

I saw in her what it truely means
To be a flawed human being
And I could not help
But love her

It's crashing and caving
Down on me
This life,  I've worked so hard
Can't even get dealt one good card
And then the avalanche of pain proceeds
And I'll grieve
Try all over again
But it's the same **** thing
Lifetime of misery and defeat
Playing on repeat
Like...  
How did I get here?
How could I come this far
Just to get knocked down
This ground made of pavement
My new best friend
I'll just lay here awhile
Get walked all over
While I wear a pretty smile
Dial it down a notch
Like...
How much more can I take?
You've defeated me
I'm laying here holding you
Waiting for a breath
There's no wealth or help
No welfare consuming momma to help me out
I'll just kiss this pavement
Down for the count
Give up?
That's what I'll do...
You beautiful slab of concrete you
With me in life,  with me in death
It's my final breath,  
I'll spend it in your cold hard arms
My solace on the ground
As low as I can go
You've been walked on your whole life too
You feel what I do
******* Pavement
I hate you

If the person you love
Is truly
Holding you up
Then there's no way
You could fall
For someone else

When I was born
I was such a pretty little girl.
I remember I was covered
From head to toe in tiny lights.
Thousands of them.
So pretty I shone.
Like an illuminated
Christmas tree.

Then as I became older.
I learned how to lie.
Mom I have done my homework.
A light went out.

Mom there won’t be any alcohol there.
A group of lights faded.
Mom I did not sleep with him.
A whole branch darkened.
It’s OK Dad I will never do drugs.
The lights all dimmed.

Now I am older.
I walk the dark rainy city streets
In the night.

I see my jaded reflection
gaunt and sad in the mirrors
of the shop windows.

All my pretty lights
have extinguished.
Except if you look Very closely.

just a few of them are
Still trying to glimmer.
Against all possible odds.
Even after all my self harm.
They are around my heart.