I wish I hadn't let you in.
I wish I hadn't stayed.
I wish I hadn't run away.
I wish I hadn't been afraid.
I wish I had been okay.
I wish I had thought about how they felt.
I wish I had never loved anyone.
I wish I had never chased anything.
I wish I had never lied.
I wish I had been patient.
I wish I had waited.
I wish I had thought.
I wish I could start over,
Then maybe I would be okay.

I beg for love,
But it's not worth it to love me.
Nobody deserves the pain I will put them through,
For I am selfish and will break their heart.

I beg for love,
But I am never accepting.
I waste so much time,
Loving and telling lies.

I beg for love,
But I am too afraid.
I cannot believe anyone will truly accept me,
Or ever has.

I beg for love,
But I am a ***** for it.
I am not patient,
And I don't wait for it.

I beg for love,
But I can't commit to one love for too long for I am always afraid.
I have broken hearts,
Trying to fill mine.

I beg for love,
But I am done.
I don't want to be loved,
I don't want to love.

Love,
It hurts too much.
I have been broken,
And I have broken others,
For love,
And I am fed up.

I will never again
Beg for love.

I have not given up on love,
But how I love unsettles many,
The girl I am scares most.

I am the girl who can love someone after a couple days.
I am the girl who can love more than one at a time.
I am the girl who shows more love than some have ever received.
I am the girl who jumps back and forth, because this world is taught monogamy is the only way.
I am the girl who loves those that people think I should not.
I am the girl who makes people jealous by accident, because I give out so much affection.
I am the girl who has hurt people with my love.
I am the girl who holds onto love even if it's toxic.
I am the girl who chases love.
I am the girl who wants to make everyone feel loved.
I am the girl who wants forever with everyone I love.
I am the girl who will give everything to everyone.
I am the girl who is reckless when it comes to her heart.
I am the girl who makes promises about love.
I am the girl who breaks her own heart, but keeps on loving anyways.
I am the girl whose heart people want all to themselves, but that, I can rarely provide.
I am the girl that people want in their bed, but I don't understand why.
I am the girl that isn't safe with her heart.
I am the girl that freely gives her heart away.

Is it safe,
To be this way?
It's likely that it is not,
But I say risks were made to take.

I am his Luna, and he my night sky.
He has held me up, time after time,
As I was ready to fall out of the sky.
He has allowed me, and encouraged me to shine,
On some of my dimmest nights.
I have lit up his darkness,
When he couldn't see any longer.
I have warmed him
On some of his coldest nights.
We exist in harmony,
Loving and free.

The day before today,
I sulked in silence.
The day before today,
I sat hollow.
The day before today,
I was deeply afraid.
The day before today,
I felt unsafe.
But today,
I am vocal and unquiet.
But today,
I feel everything with intensity.
But today,
I am brave.
But today,
I feel safe.
It's hard for me to understand,
This quick change in stance.
But I don't need to understand,
I just need to enjoy it.
I am going to
Let myself smile,
Let myself have a skip in my step,
Let myself enjoy what I have,
Let myself move on from the past,
Let myself be rash,
Let myself breathe.
Especially let myself breathe.
My breath has been caught for weeks now,
But now I can inhale deeply,
Without a worry, and I feel free.
And free is all I want to be.

i’m realizing freedom is in reach and it always has been. i don’t have to change the things around me or inside me. nurturing gratefulness and peace and love has never been easier or more rewarding. i'm remembering the reasons i gave myself away in the first place and they seem silly now. the loneliness i associated with myself was always a lie—my independence and strength lack nothing but the things i never needed in the first place.

My mind is a blockage,
Whose hands are firmly placed on my eyes,
Blinding me to the only things I need to see.
My mind is a blockage,
Whose voice screams,
Telling me I will not succeed.
My mind is a blockage,
Whose eyes stare into me,
With more judgment than I have ever received.
My mind is a blockage,
Whose measuring tape
Is too small to even wrap around my body.
My mind is a blockage,
Whose lips tense
When I make any decision that impacts lives.
My mind is a blockage,
Whose teeth grind
When I try to save my own life.
My mind is a blockage,
Whose arms cross
When I think I’m doing what’s right.
My mind is a blockage,
Whose tongue
Rolls off lies like it will save it’s life.
My mind is a blockage,
Whose foot
Stomps me down when I feel alive.
My mind is a blockage,
Whose shattered trust
Makes me feel unsafe when I am alright.
My mind is a blockage,
Whose tears
Make me feel ashamed of my life.
My mind is a blockage,
Whose shakiness
Makes me question my reckless flights.
My mind is a blockage,
Whose rashness
Tells me to jump in and risk my life.
My mind is a blockage,
And I’m tired
Of that being my life.