Your face
Pressed to
The palm of
My hand
And I caught
Your smile
In my grasp

for the longest time*
I yearned to belong
a home, a haven
but now I see
that all I have
to belong to
is me
..........................

**I am my own home.

the stench of nail polish
a stinging layer of milky ****
keep the layers orthodox
they shall not mix
just like the feelings
we keep in our chest
sometimes they are beautiful
yet they still hurt
to breathe in too closely  
we try to stay
a far distance, that is
polish all the flaws
the compartments
we believe need
to suffocate and hide
cover them up
distract with a hue
a layer of hardening glue
so the breath in our chests
won't penetrate through

I refuse to be a filler*
Even if the room is all dark
and space retreats from corners
I am not an inbetween
of feelings and cat calls
so don't place me
in the remaining jigsaw
the edges won't fit
you must have shaven the curves
back before I sung with nerve
now I am jagged and anew
eroded by all the hurt
it's a new shape,  a new me
was I ever supposed to be
*part of your pieced story?

do not be afraid to speak,
for when meeting someone,
a chapter begins

and once when that someone
becomes a part of your life,
a novel is born
and perhaps,
maybe,
a sequel

Maybe a relative startup
a sequential ***** up
two pointed fingers to the head
the deviation which brinks into
fast-fall, go-for-the-hell-of-it
momentum, an all consuming
build up, edging to the cliff
fall to the expanse of water
plummet with head tilted first
Swimming through days
spinning to endure the suffocation
how one can never save oneself,
how the world's axis must sway opposite
in my head of direction, because
if it did, I would never have to feel like this
Maybe that's why the arrays of the sunshine
passes through me and not over me,
not to blessed by the reminiscent of halo glimmer
keep a still smile, wake to the smell of black coffee
how I am amazed how I haven't burst,
how emotions elapse and thoughts beat
against the side of my brain
and to keep a still smile
sometimes what will I give
for a still mind
and this very thought
scares me

I picture myself with an army
An army with strife and vigilance
An army crooked next to the snaking pearl shoreline
Filling the air shimmering with good vigor
I imagine an army bristle with accordance
When a dragon take its destructive toll
An army marching the vast grassy planes
An army with cook pits twinkling at night
As if gazing onto a heavenly hearth
I want to lead an army who wouldn't think twice
About letting down their swords when the
Fight needs not to die
An army of ordinary men
An ordinary tale
Marching when their need is high

An army of what?
An army of whom
Simply an army of ordinary minds
Simply an army of extraordinary minds

look out for the best of us
the way the greatest dance
is sung to the spill of light
the anxiety tucked away nice and neat
tie it with pretty bow
stuff it in a box,
loved the best are those things
held closely to our chests,
cradle the box in the crook of my arm
as I run as fast my legs could carry,
plunge into the frothy shoreline
and I hold onto my breath,
feeling like those boxes of fright
which keeps me awake at night
***** away my breath
I try to save for the swim
across the cerulean waves,
yet the boxes only ***** away
the breaths I try to save
for the day I will I finally
learn to speak

~have you ever drowned?

metaphorically or literally?

~does it matter?

*i guess not

the periodical gnashing of teeth
and withered frail skin
splotched and wrinkly like
dry sheets of crinkled paper
the shuffle of feet
cannot able to cast feat
what once made
that old man smile
shiny brims
and rounded spectacles
the smell of old leather books
clinging in pockets of old folds
the memories tucked away
preciously like rubies and stones
and ivory casts whisking time away
like sail boats speeding down
a storming tidal wave,
the grittiness of sugar
and flour and pumpkin pie
the smell of hardened green wood
this old lady walks down the
flower path
a noon a day
an evening to so say
carrying within her the year of age
and fairy tale visions
once in possible divisions
such prior to her olden age
wisdom welled deep
her days a flashing by
keep on dreaming
she still prevails
so to fight
living her very
last days
in utter
bliss

the best part of my day*
is picking up a stone
with the dirt still clinging
and the moss still glistening
like how the very grey clouds
nestles in and breathes without sound
this stone does something like that
and everyday it's a different stone
but still the dirt clings on
but of a varying kind
and the moss still glistens
which I hope is still mine  
I feel happy with the slight clap
of the stones in my pocket
yet the weight is becoming heavy
and I hope to bring them to the lake
before my love for them
*is outlived

two dimples yawning
dormant far too long
earthquake spilling golden

a storyteller, the odd girl*
who rested her head in the cold sand
smiled a weary, weary smile
What is it, she asked
how about a tale, one of the gods
and a gallant hero
She smiled, teeth showing
as the water covered her face
How about one of the sea, she replied
A tale of the sea?
Yes, and how it connects all the continents
With the sea, I can go anywhere
And I'll give you a hero,
Not so particularly gallant
Yet wisdom of Sun
the Sun?
Yes, silly, the tale is the Sun and Light
And how they existed side by side
As two halves meant to be
Yet their cousin, Life
Grew dark and heavy in envy
And became the sea
To drown their love
Yet Sun, in all his glory
Felt pity chip in his fiery rays
And with an explosion of power
Brought the inferno from within
Of Life's deepest throne
And brought forth liquid fire
To spew across that of Life's watery bodice
Oh, how Life was infuriated
And howled with rage
Yet soon...soon Earth began to mold
And soothe Life's churning ways
Earth was beauty of green
And she spoke most eloquently
So that Life began to lap to her shores
And call to her in tune and lore
Yet with an ach to her heart,
A flaw to Sun's sight which cannot be seen
The Wind swept Earth away in howling love
Grieving, Life took the beings
Dwelling in his dreams
And placed the creatures on
Lady Earth's lovely, lovely shores
As gifts to her, so that Lady Earth
Could love instead the expanse
Which Life, the sea, became to be
Wind so then battered the sea
And swept him high in his throne
So by mischance parts of Life
Cascaded unto Earth's kingdoms
Earth, weary of such cruel tricks
And taken aback by Life's otherly touch
Shuddered so that her shoulders
Began to tremble in a terrible fit,
And Life, the sea, soothed her shores
And sang her crashing melodies
So the fright would leave her body...
And to this day, the world remain as is,
Life, the sea, sparring with running Wind
The Wind bold and dashing
Running untethered in great leaps
The relentless affair, the Triangle of Time
An existence of infinite grief,
And streaks of bubbling joy,
Under the heavenly eye of Sun and Light
them why are you here, on the shore
laying down on the eve of Life and Earth
Well, you see, the girl said
The Sun and Light are ancient and wise
And created all that is,
Yet as I lie here in the sand
I sometimes, quite silently,
Feel the aching yearn Life, the sea,
Reach for Earth
and if there is no Earth?
Then the loneliness of Life
Will consume him and turn
Him into ice, as seen
By Great Uncle and Aunt
North and South,
Where Earth does not dwell
can you hear Life, the sea
Yes, and how mournful
Does the music flow
An ancient tune of why
Loneliness fell to the bottom
Of the heart

The smell of crackling firewood
The grey woodsmoke swirling
Echo of past memories burning
Not away, no that's not the case
But more like the pain
Which used to be
And the amazement
Which persists to reel
In circles and circles
Wondering when the new year
Will bring its worthwhile

the usurper once cried
"you do not sit with me now"
to the detriments
which scoured
like pouring rain.
"I am found"
he says

the unknown beast
lurking behind the old
glossy surfaces of photos

the photos of another time
another place, another life*
glossy old photos
of hands held with peace
and a voices unheard

holding the thin vessels
of memories etched like stone
what is there to look back
to old photos
*of another childhood

That old man,
Of twinkling eyes
And handsome cheeks
Carved like a landscape
From a slender blade,
Eyes the softest glimmer
Of a cerulean hue
My dear old friend,
Of a voice rumbling deep
And laughter to always keep
And the kindest words
Swelling with wisdom
Trailed by stark wit and humor
May you rest in peace
Knowing that you have
Arrived to eternal sleep

Glowing fluorescent orange
A lamppost  outside
Curtains beckoning the night

an overdressed succession
to the painted infatuations
pondering stand still in front of canvases
as the mind toils with suspension
beginning to peel back those layers
those brisk moments
subscriptions in distaste
the same faces repeatedly
beaten to templates
catch a breath
smoke a little
keep those goners sustained
keep a smile
before it slips away

there is a forecast
brewing over the weeping landscape
thunderous clouds pound the earth
and bruised the cerulean sky
into purple emphasis of pain
the electricity rages
and cracks the horizon
the rain pelts in a single exhale
as I ran away

wait until the affection cedes
then as the storm ascends
pump your arms
pull your lip over your teeth
shut your eyes tight tight tight
as the forecast will rage tonight
yes it will, it will rage
upon the terrains of your chest
that inner specialness

don't stop running,
run run run run
don't worry about the mascara
or the ends of your shirt
dig your fingernails
into the betrayed flesh
of your palms
run run run run
the storm raging upon you
don't let it catch you
never turn back

what the hell were you doing there
you know you are a ******
a creep, an unlabeled something
a someone with no one
don't worry about your shoes
they fall, they always fall
keep your head down
and run as fast as you can

bury the keys to your gates
drop it in a well
right now all you have to do
is to protect yourself
from those anguished memories
the almost encounters and doubts
the insecurities and fragmented hopes
keep my head down
right now,
just escape