I know I am talking to myself  
But leave me to my chatter
Nothing changes but the warmth
Of my own skin
Every golden morning
I alone hold the microphone
A monologue in an opera
I know not who is seated
But only the echo
Of my echoing song
Rebounding, moving
Restless
Aching to be
Heard

A croaking frog
Swirling grey smog
Taught air by brittle tempest
Breaching that which
Is called home
Moment of silence
Since departure of its wrath
A sudden flicker in consciousness
Glimpses such marvelous realms
I sat in aghast

possibly cannot keep my feet rigid
there is a marathon up ahead
a forecast of frost and ice
of blinking lights showered thrice
muscles sways despite the knots
the swelling pains
probable in my throat
I cough, then stagger ahead
realization striking like red thread
you were always there
in living wake
to pick up the pieces
in which I lay

an overdressed succession
to the painted infatuations
pondering stand still in front of canvases
as the mind toils with suspension
beginning to peel back those layers
those brisk moments
subscriptions in distaste
the same faces repeatedly
beaten to templates
catch a breath
smoke a little
keep those goners sustained
keep a smile
before it slips away

a couch of brown
and a headache too loud
which pinches at the thoughts
crashing in my head

put on a channel
a bag of potato slices
a hot tea to keep me warm
in this locked alley stone

the movies pass by
and the time ticks alone
keep the couch soft and warm
while waiting for those things
I always have to do

but not today
no,
I am doing nothing
at this hour
and that is my story
for the day

Gentle strumming guitar
Rolling waves
Melodies ringing like coral decor

the frisky scent
bedridden and daunt
lingering like earth
the topsoil rich
with heart's dearth
the cerulean musky hue
the whip of magenta
the fiery glow
of aurora yellow
keep the eyes
open to
the deep
unknown

how time is created
like strokes on paper
smeared with charcoal
and a youthful fray
so poignant, each mark
furnishes the emptiness
and carries on to further dates
yet remaining as one
they build on
one on top another
so that soon its hard to follow
which stroke led
or which smear was
the shadow of a day that bled
some are bold, darkened for the ever
yet another may be sightless
for the days which pinched
that fragile part unhinged in us most
and as the piece
is crafted together
one stroke in smiles or crime
the passing of day
builds to a greater time
remember, for each which passes by
there holds a power to treat it in kind
or to let it rupture in scars
to obscure the precious mind

so afraid of oblivion,*
but don't you see
*I am exactly that

The slight run of engine spluttering
Car exhaust washing the air
With white bellows,
Sharp, swooning turns
And torn yellow fields
Carved into golden hills
Blistering rubber in pavement
Momentum carry, thus far and free
Beautiful pair of blue
Glistening sky pinned beneath
The sunny glare
Idle, the passengers sit
While the car flies in great fit
Propel on, rail roads skidding
Grasp the wheel
Yet we sit in idle
Eyes roaming over the horizon
Tracing the yellow lines in direction
Windows rolled down
Like thoughts exposed unknown
Clean air ambush and snare
Our cheeks, our faces
Our hair blown in reminiscent flare
Sunlight blinds the past
Speckled roads glitter in suspension
No need to utter
The moment might simmer then sputter
Just carress the figment of time
And adventure flashing
Clarity and sublime

familiarity can scar
on the home stretch*
to the haven we all belong
look out, out over the canyon
look how far the horizon yawns
the quaking feet dawns
on the dusty prairies and glittering streams
trembling vocals resonating where
the soul roams

we all simply want to belong
to something more than
the fistful of strife
quaking within our
the quaking rivulets
which run up and down
the road we have
come from  

*and I am on my way

a warm December breath
heavy grey sky nuzzled
with the lavender sunset

Rippling red fabric
Chuckling laughter escaping
Into the frigid night
Falling dancing music
Sweat dewing at the temple
Aching feet and bursting cheeks
A head running with butterflies
Sweet kisses and white lies
Strong arms carrying the momentum
Such lovely calluses wrapped around mine
The tap of dress shoes on the pavement
Ricocheting petals into the nightly abyss
Carrying me far, far away
With the sound of laughter
And sweet kisses in my head
Silence enveloping but the puff of breaths
And a tidal wave of serenity
And where words wrap one another
With that of spilling hearts
And two people living in memory
Into infinity

I didn't stutter
to those who needs to hear
no there is no reason
why*

crudely joking
think that's funny
only, it reflects
perhaps
the insecurity
cloaking your personality

no, I didn't stutter
I am not sorry
for that red dart
punctured into
your smile

the smile was fake
a disguise of disgust
and hate
drop the ****

stop concealing
and twisting others
just because you flinched
*at the reflection in the mirror

there is a forecast
brewing over the weeping landscape
thunderous clouds pound the earth
and bruised the cerulean sky
into purple emphasis of pain
the electricity rages
and cracks the horizon
the rain pelts in a single exhale
as I ran away

wait until the affection cedes
then as the storm ascends
pump your arms
pull your lip over your teeth
shut your eyes tight tight tight
as the forecast will rage tonight
yes it will, it will rage
upon the terrains of your chest
that inner specialness

don't stop running,
run run run run
don't worry about the mascara
or the ends of your shirt
dig your fingernails
into the betrayed flesh
of your palms
run run run run
the storm raging upon you
don't let it catch you
never turn back

what the hell were you doing there
you know you are a ******
a creep, an unlabeled something
a someone with no one
don't worry about your shoes
they fall, they always fall
keep your head down
and run as fast as you can

bury the keys to your gates
drop it in a well
right now all you have to do
is to protect yourself
from those anguished memories
the almost encounters and doubts
the insecurities and fragmented hopes
keep my head down
right now,
just escape

right eye has swollen shut
bruised flesh clouding
tender like pond water

do not ask nor ponder
music blasting for
no one to understand

I don't need your hand
I got the railing
before I caught the concrete

no fists were failing
there is much more meaning
than what meets the eye

I feel like I am a cup of cold tea in the morning*
I'm never too boisterous
to inflict pain
and unlike a hot cup of tea
I never simmer down
and watch the time take
the life from me
I am just always there
*just happy to be

blues splotches nestled
in grooves of wrists
the streaming of things
pulsing underneath the skin
as the warmth of each kin
slip through my grasp
how the strings in my ribcage knot  
please don't step on it
shall the bones render me
shatter into a thousand pieces
keep your knees close at ease
and chins snuggle in discreet
as I yearn from afar
the silhouetted body tangled
in reminiscent dreams
it's best not to wake you
your breaths whisk into distances
yet just don't forget about me
as I sit you drift
so the weight won't crush
what already have been embedded

I don't know what happened
with the calm
with the way my lips
couldn't mouth any words
for once, my mind was empty
in company of you
...
so I sat, so I looked
my mind couldn't possibly
seize a spark which kissed
I'm such a narcissist
careless and a *****
no, don't you see
I am cruel and beautiful
gentle and quite awful
artistic and a fraud
I am all of these things
so excuse me
don't bother me with
your petty mistakes

another attempt at this
this soliloquy
oh, hello
I haven't realized you were there
my feelings are everywhere
I ponder of decadency
curses, blank verses
my idiocy worthless
wander for that
drop of sanity
restrictions soon born
from nonsense jurisdiction  
thoughtless truths
aspired from fiction
try desperately to wade through
diction to carry my weight
to wade through all this hate
crates beaten blind too straight
a compass to identity
I need to find my way
I cannot possibly begin to say
how astray we are from amenity
my journey in adolescence
I feel like once before
a child of eight  
I dreamt of terrible
marvelous skates
weaving simplicity
complexity in outer space
rocket ships realities traced
now to spines of crates
drowning to the lid, lost salty straits
yet what is once
will never begin again
look at me now, eight
I live to see light of day
and end with kissing white *****
of those medallion ivory gates
filthy green dollars
as they clip my windpipes
to hush our voices gone hoarse
in constant delay
smothered so we stray breathless,
worthless in constant replay
a desolate lampshade
shattered shards of what
remained of eight year old dreams
a second chance too late
a second path too vain
my liberty to express
those wooden crates, open
passionately
constantly drift astray
in those seas of dismay
have no fear for me
the stars will now
guide me the way  
it's going to be okay,
my precious eight

a storyteller, the odd girl*
who rested her head in the cold sand
smiled a weary, weary smile
What is it, she asked
how about a tale, one of the gods
and a gallant hero
She smiled, teeth showing
as the water covered her face
How about one of the sea, she replied
A tale of the sea?
Yes, and how it connects all the continents
With the sea, I can go anywhere
And I'll give you a hero,
Not so particularly gallant
Yet wisdom of Sun
the Sun?
Yes, silly, the tale is the Sun and Light
And how they existed side by side
As two halves meant to be
Yet their cousin, Life
Grew dark and heavy in envy
And became the sea
To drown their love
Yet Sun, in all his glory
Felt pity chip in his fiery rays
And with an explosion of power
Brought the inferno from within
Of Life's deepest throne
And brought forth liquid fire
To spew across that of Life's watery bodice
Oh, how Life was infuriated
And howled with rage
Yet soon...soon Earth began to mold
And soothe Life's churning ways
Earth was beauty of green
And she spoke most eloquently
So that Life began to lap to her shores
And call to her in tune and lore
Yet with an ach to her heart,
A flaw to Sun's sight which cannot be seen
The Wind swept Earth away in howling love
Grieving, Life took the beings
Dwelling in his dreams
And placed the creatures on
Lady Earth's lovely, lovely shores
As gifts to her, so that Lady Earth
Could love instead the expanse
Which Life, the sea, became to be
Wind so then battered the sea
And swept him high in his throne
So by mischance parts of Life
Cascaded unto Earth's kingdoms
Earth, weary of such cruel tricks
And taken aback by Life's otherly touch
Shuddered so that her shoulders
Began to tremble in a terrible fit,
And Life, the sea, soothed her shores
And sang her crashing melodies
So the fright would leave her body...
And to this day, the world remain as is,
Life, the sea, sparring with running Wind
The Wind bold and dashing
Running untethered in great leaps
The relentless affair, the Triangle of Time
An existence of infinite grief,
And streaks of bubbling joy,
Under the heavenly eye of Sun and Light
them why are you here, on the shore
laying down on the eve of Life and Earth
Well, you see, the girl said
The Sun and Light are ancient and wise
And created all that is,
Yet as I lie here in the sand
I sometimes, quite silently,
Feel the aching yearn Life, the sea,
Reach for Earth
and if there is no Earth?
Then the loneliness of Life
Will consume him and turn
Him into ice, as seen
By Great Uncle and Aunt
North and South,
Where Earth does not dwell
can you hear Life, the sea
Yes, and how mournful
Does the music flow
An ancient tune of why
Loneliness fell to the bottom
Of the heart

once there was a story
an interlude, more like
which never begun
nor a beginning
with had
no end

sometimes I have nothing to say
sometimes simply nothing to do

but to listen to the words
to feel my body gravitating towards the ground

to not to speak
to feel my mind fall empty

sometimes these moments
I find the gems of beauty

sometimes these flickers of utter silence
my ears ***** at the music rumbling

sometimes these etches of stillness
there before a dance unfolds

driven to madness*
by the thoughts
which punch in my face
generated by the inexplicable
things I can never have
so ******* miserable sometimes,
but everyone goes through that, right?
so is that okay?
is it ever okay to feel like this?
what, weather the storm?
I suppose I'll get through it
yet I don't want to plunge into
the salt ridden fury
all alone
so here I stand,
driven into the fog
where I feel like I thought
I saw the glimpse and understood
how the planets rotated in unison,
yet there was this streaking comet
spitting flares of breathtaking warmth
sweet like the particles of brown sugar
yet all in all the fog only thickened
and now I dwell in the depths
of a cluster **** solar system
and the planets even
may not spin at all
and now I walk
alone in the heaviness
*of a smothering fog

Listen to the sigh of the dwindling light
The sun which sinks from keen sight
The night which breaks the breaking shore
As the shoulders of youth whispers into the night
The garnished trees yearn for the glistening morn  
Skitter, the shadows prance unnoticed and degrade
The smooth nails of children’s scorn
Clutch the bark of solemn frozen trees  
Their faces opaque, round eyes set to the sky
Waiting for that element to spark another in kind
The wild unsettles and curses with sinking voices
Boxing the children so their minds cannot brink
The land with furrow and thrash with roots
Boots uprooted glimmering red and yellow
Crayons which stack to a melting peak
Bleeding of imagination which once was crowned king
The children become afraid of the dark
Synthetic realms which bleach their skin
They become afraid to what silence has to say
They are afraid what their hands can create