Tell me again how to fit
Into the gaps of society
Designated for a woman.
Tell me all the ways my words
Are less my own
Than they are a man's
Tell me how my body will always be
Questioned
The cup in my hand
An excuse.
Remind me of all the ways
Today will never be my day.

I am not a poet.
Who are you to call me one
When all I do is cram out As and
Words that don't mean a thing,
Pretentiousness masked as literature,
Romanticized depression in monochrome.

I need reassurance
I need confirmation
A daily reminder
And a weekly gesture
Simply because I am weak,
insecure,
and doubtful.

I want you to know that I need attention
Lots of it
And I want you to find my cool spot
When I'm a burning flame.

And if you call me needy
I don't think you need me.
I need love
I need affection.
Your attention is my goal
Give me your protection.

I wonder
I see
didn't even know that came from me

I saw
I begin to believe
and how quickly it all changes
when none can agree

Agree with what
that's all I'd say
though I couldn't care less
either way

I have since forgotten
what it means to be
and to see with clear vision
all that I am to see

I haven't even tried
though in rhymes I can write
and with such cowardice
I maddeningly deny
all that I have been
and hope to be

It's not about me
these words are just
things that come to my mind
screaming, ringing, being

I could go on for eternities
now that I've learnt to let go
who cares what it's saying
I've said it
so now it is so

what does it mean
to be totally free
fictionalized fantasies
it seems
have no place with me

There are no limits
to what was meant to be
and even in reverse
it can be what's said to me

I say, I sing, I cry
I'm a dreamer
dreaming of things that I
hope to never do
but someday still
will find within me
dripping with meaning
leaving me
solemn, content, and still

So many times I try not to rhyme
can't stand the corniness it adds to each line

Dare I depart to a world all my own
where is that sound I long for
and have come to know

I search for true meaning
though really
nothing at all
it's just something said
for me to be saying something again

One day
just watch
soon you will see
as was meant to be
words flowing freely
in majestic prose
stopping hearts
but when they wonder why
an answer they can not find

Why do I do it
where does it all come from
can I believe
can I become
what it seems to me
never was and never wants to be

I have no shame
so the words flow without haste
I don't even care if they didn't keep pace

You will never progress if you do not believe
but more important is to try
then repeat
but just like me

I'm going somewhere
this I know
it's only a matter of time
before it will be so

Collected the memories with you...

Is the only thing that i would never regret about.

It keeps me alive anyway.

Let it sink in,
The hurt
And pain.
The hole widening,
In the sunken chest.

Manipulating hands,
Plotting to no avail
Ways, to mend.
Two decades,
Plus a lifetime of mistakes.

Controlling, hedonistic pleasure.
Opposing selfless, selfish.

The firestorm blazing,
Engulfing and raging.
Burn the bridges.
Point-blank, BOOM!

Phantom, blood born,
Dead to me.

She smiled
And just like Jesus
She held her arms wide open
Thinking she could be my saviour too. Once again.
But Sweetie, even if your chain still adorns your neck
And your eyelashes still touch your eyelids
And your pants still heighten to your waist
And your tattoo still crosses your forearms,
Your mouth gagged lies
Your eyes burned in the void
And your neck was haunted by the absence of your perfume.




-LynnAA