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Endya Tremese Jan 2016
If you loved me
You wouldn't have found someone so fast
If you cared about me
You would've wanted to text back fast
If you thought I was perfect
No matter how blind, you would've seen that I'm worth it
So I'm sorry if my trust is gone
I'm sorry that my mind is wrong
I'm sorry that my heart is crushed
And I wear my insecurities inside out
Showing how damaged I really am now
I'll never be the same as I was before
I trusted you to open every door
You took me so ******* high
But I swear when I felt the floor
I shattered into a million pieces
Watching you with someone, teasing
Me, laughing off in my face
And I couldn't keep up the pace
So I used the only chance I got
To run from that ******* place
I gave myself up
When I seen opportunity
So I'm sorry that you let me know
There would never be a you and me
Endya Tremese Jan 2016
Have you ever been so scared that someone would break your heart
that you just wish that they'd go and do it already
so you can run far away with no forgiveness
...
assuming that the actual heartbreak
would be less painful than
the fear of it happening.
Cuz this fear ******* hurts like hell.
Everything negative starts with fear.
Endya Tremese Jan 2016
I remember saying I hated the word sorry
But now days all I do is look for an apology

I keep telling my self to forgive and forget but wanting them to show their guilt and regret

And if they did, we could build and respect

Instead of showing the subject

This type of neglect....

Like that **** ain't hurt me?

The way I reacted in every situation showed how it burned me

You gotta test me out if you really finna learn me

It takes more than what you think you know to distinguish or discern me

These moments in life, we got less than a few

So why's it heavy on my mind? Maybe cuz it's not to you

You dont want to wait till its too late to up and dead a feud

Cuz tomorrow that person really could be up and dead to you
Don't waste away your life with hate in your heart. Mend every broken friendship and relationship possible. Life is too short.
I never knew how to love myself
Ending up trying but I just loathe myself
Some say it's insecurity
And some say I need help

It's kind of difficult
All these battles I've fought,
Internally...
But I'll admit it's still hurting me

The decisions I've made in the past
The mistakes I can't take back
Secrets no soul will ever know
Stories that will never be told

Wondering how did I let it get this far
How did I let it get this hard
To be happy and open up
Every time I try I get choked up

Buried inside my own soul
Regrets I have to let go
How can I tell my truth,
Without losing you?
This was a struggle to write since I haven't wrote anything in awhile and the raw emotions in this made it difficult.
  Jan 2016 Endya Tremese
Inevitable
she never read my poetry. matter of fact she never gave a **** about anything that did to me.
she never tried to learn me, every chance she had she was intentionally trying to burn me.
I started thinking about a quote I once heard.
you accept the love you think you deserve.
when in reality no one deserves less than the world.
I was killing myself mentally, making myself go through hell with this girl.
knowing she wasn't anything, literally, wanting to go back home, critically, missing home, physically, speaking out my *** potentially ruining any chance I had of coming back home.
I was home sick but I was sick of home.
my mind made up a whole story of it own,
made me hate her for doing things for reasons she didn't, saying things she wouldn't, hurting me on purpose..
she hurt me on purpose, but we both had guns. I pulled my trigger first and they both turned automatic.
rapid fire shots sending head shots every round.
yet we were still standing,
fighting for the one thing we knew that wasn't dead.
white flags waving we realized we were fighting for the same thing.
fighting to come back home.
for my home was her, as her home was me.
italicized home, her, and she are a different person than the "she" referred to in the beginging
  Jan 2016 Endya Tremese
Jellyfish
I could never hate you
I actually miss you
but I don't want you
around me anymore.
Because you hurt me
and I end up on the floor.
But I miss you.
Our friendship will never work.
Endya Tremese Jan 2016
Pull it, pull it, just ******* do it.
Because if not now, you'll ******* lose it.
As I sit..with my knees to my chest,
I slide the gun up my thigh to my breast, and then up from my throat to my chin,
my heart beats..I can't help but listen,
and I put it in my mouth,
wishing for energy to shout,
but I take a breath
and then I take it out,
glide it across my cheek,
and up to my temple.
Call me a freak.
Call me mental.

Just end it all, right here, right now.
And listen close 'cause this will be your last sound.
Just ******* do it, this life ain't worth livin,
So let's get to it, call it My Final Decision.
I close my eyes and my face tightens,
Sorry to who will find me, I didn't mean to frighten.
Just ******* do it.
I pull the trigger
Get some chalk and draw my beautiful figure.
Another one of my lost poems from my old account. ♡
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